Goodness this speaks to me.

I'm in a long distance relationship with someone I love and we cannot close the gap as I have to wait for some time before I can qualify for work visas in another country. While I see my partner most weekends, I often struggle with feelings of uncertaintiy and trust, and needing CONSTANT validation from my partner that he loves me. A big part of that is through text messaging. I would sometimes panic if he didn't text me in hours, and thought that if he loved me he would talk to me all the time.

My A.D.G.O has been learning to understand that while my partner cannot text me at all hours of the day, this is not an indication that he doesn't love me. It has taught me to have more confidence and trust in another person, which if anything has strengthened our relationship. It was REALLY tough for me at first and I still struggle with it, but I'm slowly feeling more and more confident with myself and my ability to trust my partner which feels so excellent

I need advice

ADGO - Hello everyone. I had just signed up for this because I could never think that my life could get any more frustrating than what I'm living now and it's very stressful. I'm usually the lone wolf. I'm always a good listener for people who tell me their problems, especially my friends who I love so much. And I really don't like discussing mine because I don't want my problems to be their problems. I'm always upbeat and spreading positive vibes and energy. In 2012, I was going to a community college to finish up my requirement classes to take up my major classes for Engineering. However, this didn't go as planned. In 2013, something had majorly happened to my mother, which was a combination of pneumonia and a stroke. I was threatened by her sisters and nieces to quit my classes and take care of my mother. I wanted to finish my classes so bad, that I kept doing my best to go to each class and get passing grades. Never in my life, I felt like Icarus falling from the skies. They always said "You need to get out of school, quit your classes, and go take care of your mother". My mother's friend whom we consider family, and I were all in shock when she suffered the stroke. So now, I have no school to go to. My family had threatened me. So I went to get a job. It was the best job I ever had so far which was a Data Entry Clerk. My boss loved how fast paced I was and he had noticed that one specific day that I was 5 minutes late and looking pale. I had told him that my mother's other friend (who he knows), Fix-It tire can had burst in the house. It already affected my poor mother who's in the hospital, which now seemed to affect me. He told me to go home and sent me in a taxi. My mother's other friend, who's another lady, whom we considered family was really concerned about me. I didn't get up and I was resting for a while like 6 weeks. Her friend was shrieking on the other side of the phone and asking if I'm okay and said I needed to go to the hospital. Now, me and hospitals don't mix very well and surely yeah I could go but at the same time, I'm paying the rent at the house I'm living with my family, I have to go to see my mother who's been worried sick about me and both of her lady friends been calling like crazy. Then her family would threaten me again to go see my mother. My boss had called me and said his farewell and said he hopes that I get better because I was sick for 2 months. If I had left, it would of only been my little brother who has ADHD and I'm trying to make it easy on him. My job counselor already told me that I'm going through a "HUGE" life growth and that it's definitely going to challenge me. I had to argue with the doctor in the hospital because I had told them "too much of a prolonged rest" is a big no-no and that my mother should be drove around. I came to entertain my mother by bringing my laptop so she can watch a few videos. She was bored and I wanted to bring her outside in the wheelchair. The hospital had gotten confused about where my mother wants to go. So then I hear her saying "I want to go home and be with my sons". Her sister said bring her to the rehabilitation. I had said bring her to New Haven so that way she can get the right help. Her friend as well agreed on this. But no, they sent her to this rehabilitation that her sister had chosen for her and said it was the best. You can always tell the difference between the genuine and the greedy. How my mother's family treats deaths is like celebrating Cinco de Mayo or Dia de los Muertos; my family is a matriarchy. Money and champagne is always being passed around and let the party commence. I already watched my grandmother had the plug pulled on her from the same sister. What makes you think the exact same thing won't happen? The life insurance company calls the house and says "Thank you for signing up with our company!" blah blah blah. I had told them I had never signed such documentation and told them to cancel it at once. My mother had always believed that her friend who had the can will always keep an eye out on us, but that as well isn't the case. It was the same thing she had believed when she had gotten leg surgery and I can tell you a 16 year old cooking for a 40 something man is never a funny situation when he's asking you to make "Top Ramen" or "Mac Express", and shoots for the hourve d'oeuvres and potato buns leaving me and my bro to starve 2 o'clock in the morning. So then my mother had called me the next morning saying that she was attacked in the rehab. My mother never had an injury in the hospital and she shouldn't have one there as well. The way she had explained it was as if this masked nurse was performing a "skeletal guillotine" hence being a bag of bones. They've been looking for the nurse ever since and we know who she's friends with. Nurses had came to me saying she had stopped eating for a while. So I had gotten her a gyro with a feta salad. She had ate it without a problem. My mother was depressed and it had raised many eyebrows as well as many concerns. So her friend's friends decided and I decided to take her shopping to get her some food. So then as I get home from all of this I get more threatening calls, but this time was from her brother and the phantom so-called father of mine. When my father had appeared he had told us that family had said it was me and my brother's fault that had gotten her into the hospital. This had left us both restless because when my father shrieks and cries, he gets very belligerent and hostile; not one word can get through. We had told him to go see our mother and she called and said he was crying, which meant big trouble for us. She even mentioned that he even had a caliber with him as well. My friend had came over to play videogames with us and someone knocks on the door very hard. My father comes out with a pistol towards my friend. My body moves on it's own to protect the friend of mine from getting shot without regrets and I stood there like stone. I told my father "he's cool and he's a very good friend of mine". My friend as well was going through stuff as well and I was there to calm him down so that way he could compose himself and think straight. My father had apologized due to his rashness. My friend started to come less and less. My mother gets out of rehab and she's happy but is left in a wheelchair due to the abuse. Ever since, she's been irritable and my little brother has been irritable as well due to the fact that we both have to take care of her. So many plans of success was put on halt and even so she had learned that her family wants me and my brother out of her life. She now knows who's the real deal and is by her side all the way. Whenever we were there with her friend to go shopping, before we picked her up, he would say some pretty harsh things like "Your mother is nothing without me". I was trying to find a good time to tell her about the cold and harsh remark he'd say about her and this had left her a bit sad and she'd tell her lady friends and had eventually saw the naked cold brutal truth about her friend whom she had supported and fed when he had nothing to eat for the holidays. I had never seen so much back-stabbing and betrayal. I had adopted a puppy who is a Schipperke and loved him as he was my own son. And still the harsh comments commence like I never deserved a puppy or "my mother never allowed me to have him and I should just leave him out in the street" or "you should've gotten a puppy later, no one told you to get a dog". I had told my puppy that I will protect him from mean people and show you the good life and you will meet many friends. I was still the talk of the party and still despised because of it. I already had mentioned to my mother who was in high spirits when I said I'm going to adopt a puppy. I had told her he is exactly like me when I was little so I knew what was up and knew what he wanted. I had to give him to new owners since the landlord was complaining about howling. My mother's friend was so cold, it was unbearable. I thought and had always felt as a child that I didn't belong on this planet we call "Earth". I always felt that there's something out there where I belong. We had needed to move because the place we had live at didn't have a ramp at all and they were going to build one, for a fee of course. I had wanted to move out of town while the agency she was with, wanted her in Stamford. We moved to the new place to start a new page and not everything went as anticipated. Everything is wrong with this place; the sink sounds like a SMG when hot water is on. The floor had already had a huge crack due to the fact when the toilet was flooded and water went to that one spot, our neighbor below us was very angry. When I confronted the property manager about the issue, she said she wanted us to move eve after she looked into our garbage digging in there. So now I have a depressed and anxiety mom who I'm convincing not to commit suicide and a very resentful and hostile swearing little brother whom I'm trying to tell him to speak supportive, not against. Then I have my mother's nurse who goes on a breaking items rampage when she's frustrated. I'm overwhelmed trying to bear everyone's troubles.

Last week was my daughters birthday and i had a party planned for her after school. My fiance had come home and told me that he was unable to cash his paycheck due to an expired ID, so we were unable to get the last of the itmes for her party. I started to get frustrated and thought to myself that everything was going wrong like always. Normally i would have gotten super upset, i ended up taking a short walk to clear my mind and realized there was nothing that i could do about it, to not let it ruin my day or her party.

Other than learning to take initiative when needed and protecting my loved ones, from all of that, all that's left is stress that's showing up on my tense shoulders. I know my counselor said it's going to speed up the maturing process and life experience itself, all it's left me was being stressed and restless but not irritable .

My soon to be ex-husband has been flaunting his new girlfriend on social media. This is Another Darn Growth Opportunity for me to become comfortable with the fact that we will now be moving on with our lives and seeing other people.

This is cool. I couldn't have said it better my self pink.

I've been getting ALOT of new responsibilites at work and it's killing me now, but it's really ADGO in disguise...

I faced one of my fears. I was terrified of LASIK. But now I have better vision than even with my contact lenses and now I don't have to waste as much time in the morning. I've been feeling braver too.

Another girl dated, who decided she would back out. Figured I wasn't enough. Gave me all the nice words still calling me awesome, but "I like someone else a lot!". What the fuck. What the fucking fuck. Stress is also carrying over into work.