A.D.G.O (Another Darn Growth Opportunity)

Just had to report a listener for hitting on me and asking personal information. I felt bad, because I felt like I was causing trouble. But I did it anyway, because its the right thing to do.

Now I've calmed down a little, I can see that I was protecting other members as well.

Does that sound terribly self righteous? Need to grow through that thought as well now....

I want to learn German. But I also want and need to go home because I am falling ill again and I am just simply too exhausted. I'm making a choice to swallow my pride, to know my limitations and submit to the fact that this sucks I have to skip a night of German class! Such us being a responsible adult.

The biggest example of this I can provide involves my college education.

Some background info to start: I live with my parents. I do not have my license and have been trying to get it since I was 16 (I'm 20 now). I will be a junior in college this upcoming fall semester. After my first semester of freshmen year, the odds were not in my favor. My father and my stepmother were having marriage problems. As a result, I became limited in transportation options for on-campus courses. I was told by my father to drop out. Since I didn't want that to happen, I did everything I could to make sure I'd be taking classes that spring. For that spring and summer, I decided to take online classes. The biggest downsides were a lighter course load, causing me to get behind on credits, and the lack of face-to-face interactions. I passed all but one course from those semesters. That fall, I made the decision to take an 8-week course on campus. I figured out that by walking and taking the public transit (bus), I could take classes on campus again. Despite the difficulties in courses, my personal life, and my work life, I've managed to stay in school through it all. I'm thankful for the two semesters I took online because I know what to expect for an online course and know that's a simple way to take a less-challenging course. If it wasn't for my determination and the help of advisors & counselors at school, I wouldn't have stayed in school & made so much progress.

Today I did something I know was the wrong thing to do My childrens live with their dad. My ex husband has not changed the furnace filter in 5 months. Everyone is sick my son my daugher and ex... I started to help ie. went down and tried to help with the filter. I know I should have just beeped and had my daughter come into the car when I picked her up.

On the way back from her appt. I told her I cannot get involved in the way he decided to not fix things..... I was able to walk away and not get angry at him or say bad words about him.. It took some effort. but I think I have come a long way.

Also my daughter is now standing up to her dad.She is making him sit at the dentist office and understand her uncommon condition. Praying that he can understand and come to an agreement with me..... That agreement part is a long shot. :) Proud of myself for not getting my emotions involved in this and thinking it through logically. I was able to rise above the situation.

On Monday I went in for a pretty routine endoscopy (camera down my oesophagus and into my stomach) and dilatation (stretching of a narrowing).
I felt a bit nervous as when I had previously had this done I ended up in a fair amount of pain, like having been kicked in the chest and stomach. To counteract this I bought a colouring book for adults. This helped me remarkably well in keeping me calm. I felt so chilled while colouring in some daffodils as I sat in the waiting room.
Then I had the procedure. I was sedated for this so don't actually recall anything! The camera went down fine and they found a bit of a narrowing which they wanted to stretch. But when the scope reached my stomach I started to heave and retch. I was so violently sick that I ruptured blood vessels in my eyes. I look like an extra for a horror movie. They had to abandon the procedure and I go back to try again on the 1st of June.
As grim as it all is, I have been trying to focus on the positives and feel I've done quite well in thinking up a few!
I now only have a 3 day week at work due to the procedure. On the way home from the hospital my husband treated me to a frappucino from the latest Starbucks menu. I had an ice lolly while sat in my sunny garden. I've been there, done that for the re-run of my procedure - the doctors gave me some advice, which I will rigidly stick to, about how to prepare myself for the scope next time.
As a bonus of my blood shot eyes people at work have been asking how I am. I'm usually very shy and quiet so this has actually worked in my favour making me a bit of a centre of attention and throwing me into more social situations.
I've also been told that I'm brave. Sometimes you are just in situations where you have to be. But it is nice to be told that people are proud of you for what you have gone through.
Only in the darkness can you see the stars.

Choosing between potential partners or none at all.

Working and studying in a ridiculous schedule.

Having limited social life outside of work due to time and energy constraints. Sigh.