Chat Anxiety?

I was anxious the first time I hit

I was very very anxious the first time I clicked connect, and still am! Probably more anxious than I was before I signed on. I think it's mostly because talking to someone who you don't know, especially when you are un-familiar with the website, can be very strange and make you nervous. I personally just had to walk my self through it and gain enough courage to continue, but sometimes the waiting can make it worse. Although, talking to Noni can be very comforting :)

I was pretty anxious (maybe an 8?) the first time, but probably about a 6 the second time. It helped knowing that I had some power to disconnect, which sounds a little weird, but knowing that I could end the conversation whenever I wanted was very reassuring. I was worried about being judged/my problem being too trivial, and also about getting a good listener. I initially tried to look through the listener database, but I found that really overwhelming so I just connected with the first available listener and I wasn't sure if they'd really understand what I was going through.

I think refining the listener-browsing system would really help, especially for newbies. A little quiz ("What language do you speak? What problems are you dealing with right now? Are you a teenager or an adult?") that newbies could take, only presenting the available listeners that matched what they selected rather than going through all the filters in the current database, might make the pool seem more manageable. It'd also be helpful if a brief bio appeared next to their names in the search results, rather than having to click through to their profiles.

#1: Probably about a 7 the first one on one. This chat did not go well. I received the initial hello and then only 2 more responses. One of them being "...you're a hot mess..."

#2: I was actually more anxious for my 2nd chat because now I was worked up even more (pissed/upset/reinforced feelings of sh#ttiness). Luckily, my 2nd listener was amazing.

#3: Prior to 1st chat - I thought my problems were way too small considering some of things that I had read in the group chats and forums. I thought the listener would be nice but secretly wishing that I would step aside so they could help someone with bigger and more urgent problems. For my 2nd chat - I wanted it to work and believe in 2nd chances. I was also angry about that first one.

#4: I agree that a brief intro video would be helpful. The actual web page is great and allows you to explore fairly easily without committing. Unfortunately, I used the app during my first visit and it wasn't as user friendly. I think I may have unintentionally tried to connect with Listeners because I hit the wrong button - or clicked something without realizing it so I immediately jumped out. It says that I have 9 chats when I've really only had 3.

I think this is a great resource for people that are struggling but, as with anything, there are definite improvements that can be made. There are multiple forum posts that discuss the quality of listeners. I agree with much of what they say so I won't rehash that. My other struggle involves the app. I know there are some tech issues regarding an anniversary or upgrade that has caused chat to lag. I would like to be able to see all of the same resources (forums, etc) on the app as I would had I logged on my laptop.

I understand that group chat is beneficial to some so I understand why it asks if you want to jump there while waiting. However, I have not found that to be the most welcoming environment. With the exception of a few members, it seems pretty clique-y. I would offer group chat and other options (forums, resources, etc). I like some of the Listener search options described by others in this thread.

All in all, this is a great resource - that could use some tweaks. The fact that you're constantly looking to improve the quality of services speaks volumes.

I think that the system should be set so that the "Chat Now" button appears only when the listener ready to listen, not like s/he is sleeping or gone to somewhere. From my brief experience it seems many listeners are unable to respond when "Chat Now" button is on his/her profile. I find it odd that they respond much, much later, or even next day to apologize. If they are too busy to respond, their account shoud be set "off line" and "leave message" should be on so we expect that they may respond much later time.

1. Were you anxious the first time you hit "connect now"? if yes, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being very anxious, where were you?
For me, I was quite anxious probably about an 8. Not necessarily about having to talk to someone, but more so for the unknown.
These details aren't always necessary... but for me, I wanted to know whether it was a guy or a girl, and if they were older or younger than me, if they understood sexual abuse, if they were safe, if they were kind.
I have no problem talking to people, but I get anxious having so little information about who I'm talking to. (especially not knowing their sex)

2. Were you also anxious the second time? If yes, where were you on that same scale of 1-10?
My anxiety of connecting to 'random' listeners has gotten higher with each listener I connect to!
Thankfully I have found a couple of excellent listeners through the chatroom or through browsing listeners, but I have connected to dozens of listeners who made me feel uncomfortable, or who didnt seem to actually care, and it took me a lot of attempts to find a couple of listeners who actually cared and understood my situation. (Thats not to say they wouldn't care or understand someone elses situation)

3. Can you identify what thoughts or fears you had that may have been causing you anxiety?
Not knowing any information about who I was talking to.

4. What can we do to address this anxiety beforehand so people feel safer chatting with a listener?
I dont know. It would be great to see the response time be a little faster, but I understand that listeners are volunteers so thats not always possible. But I get more and more anxious the longer I have to wait!

I just also wanted to say, overall, I have really enjoyed my experiences with listeners and in the chatrooms. I understand that there are very few trained professionals on this site, and everyone is doing so well within their own personal abilities. And I really appreciate all the listeners, even if some of them might say the wrong things. At least they are trying.

I really like the ideas. But I think the calming video or music should be optional, it might not be for everybody specially those with anger issues. And I think an introduction will be great and so helpful! I don't mean just for anxiety, I have taken many chats where the guest/member didn't have any idea what the site was about. Someone even mistook this for a dating site... So pretty please we need an introduction page/video.

Is it advisable to maybe teach how to start a chat to our listeners? I mean, the default setting for our members or guests is a given level of anxiety, right? I mean, they don't come here to discuss their golf game or latest nail color. I have had some good luck with various methods.

Maybe a thread about "how do you, the successful listener, start a chat, not just here, but at any time, including in public?"

See what kind of feedback we get and maybe build a listener training guide around it.

For me, I experience anxiety even after I have used the chat more than several times.

1. Connection time: I have no idea how long it takes to connect to the listener who is supposedly "open" to chat with "Chat Now" button displayed. Wait time varies from 5 minutes to 5 hours. Because of this, I have to try on one listener, wait for 10 minutes or so, and if it doesn't connect, I move onto the next potential listener. I repeat until someone actually connects in a reasonable amount of time. I think it depends on who the listener is. Some listeners are more committed to being available, and thus they tend to connect soon. Other listeners, on the other hand, may take 2 hours or more (when they post "chat now" button). For instance, last night I attempted to connect to a listener who had "chat now" button. This listener responded 2 hours later (while I was asleep). One day earlier the same listener responded to me the next day. So there is this "shopping around to find doable listeners" thing that gives me anxiety.

2. Conversation Termination: A listener is compassionate, understanding, and I can see the listener is trying to be helpful. The conversation continues on. I feel more open and start sharing my life and thoughts. Then suddenly they stop responding to me without saying they have to go or anything. This is a mannerism thing. When you are engaging a conversation with someone, you don't walk out without saying anything even though you really have to go. This causes anxiety for me, now knowing why they suddenly took off in the middle of conversation without saying anything. Did I say something that triggered something and they had to remove themselves promptly? Was it a technical matter such as sudden Internet connection loss? Did they suddenly forgot that they were on a chat? What happened? I will never know what happened there. Someone not responding for an hour and a half in the middle of conversation and never comes back to me leaves me hanging in the "why" world. There are listeners who are able to say "sorry I have to go now," and that's what a reasonable person would do. This sudden terminations happened to me after a lot of sharing took place, so each time I am on a chat I am anxious not knowing if the conversation sticks or not. It shouldn't take much to say "sorry I have to go" before disappearing.

All, thank you for the very helpful feedback!!! This is what we are cooking up:

1. How it works - link right under connect button that will show guests they can browse listeners or hit connect now, description of the service with an image of a transcript with a listener, introduction to some of the exercises, and a statement that the service is free.

2. Noni will say the following statements right after new guests select their issue (this will be for first time users only). Please let me know if I'm missing something here or if you think these address the most common concerns.

Listeners are compassionate people who are trained in active listening. They will listen patiently to your story and will support you and help you understand your feelings better.They will not judge you, criticize you, or think you are weird.

Every listener must complete an online active listening course created by psychologists and pass multiple tests. Additionally, listeners move through 242 levels of continuing education and training.

Never think that you are bothering a listener on 7 Cups. We are here for you. Many of us have received help on 7 cups and are now giving back. We are all on the same path and when you move forward, we all move forward together.

Some people fear they are overreacting or being silly. We do not at all believe that. Problems – both big and small – have ways of blocking our vision. Talking with someone about it can remove it from you field of view, so you can see more clearly.

7 Cups is an absolutely free service. You will not be asked to pay anything. We work with love and compassion towards making this world a better place!

3. Introduction Video - this will include a short video of me welcoming the person, show the transcripts/how it works, and maybe feature 2-3 listeners and why they listen. Plan is to make this like 90 seconds to 2 minutes. It'll be optional.

4. Soon, we'll be releasing a new version where when you land on the home page you'll be able to chat with listener OR do an exercise (mindfulness, gratitude, video).

How does all of that sound? Anything we are missing?

Once again, HUGE T H A N K Y O U for the help!!! There are many corners we cannot see around and this is one of them :)