Learning from our failures!

@izzyy528

🌷🌷☺️

What a incredibly important conversation to start thank you for bringing this up. Your perspective on reframing failure from "what went wrong" to "what can I learn" is profoundly insightful and I completely agree that true growth often springs from those moments when things don't go as planned. It's so easy to get caught up in the sting of disappointment but your emphasis on reflection and self-compassion is a powerful reminder that these experiences, no matter how tough, are actually invaluable teachers in disguise building resilience and fostering a deeper understanding of ourselves.

As for your question ❓ 

Have you learned something valuable from a failure? 

I have definitely learned some of my most valuable lessons from things that didn't go as planned! One big one for me was during university. I was so convinced I wanted a particular internship that I put all my eggs in one basket. When I didn't get it, I was devastated and felt like a complete failure. But that "failure" forced me to step back, re evaluate my skills, and explore other opportunities I hadn't even considered. It led me to a different internship that ended up being a far better fit for me and taught me skills I still use today. It really showed me that sometimes a closed door just means there's a better one waiting to be opened, if you're willing to look

How do you remind yourself it's okay to mess up sometimes? 

Most important thing to remember is I am human being so mess up is something ok, And As for reminding myself it's okay to mess up, I have a few ways. First, I try to reframe the mistake as a data point, not a personal flaw. It just means this particular approach didn't work, and now I have more information for next time. Second, I often talk it out with someone I trust  a friend or family member. Just voicing the frustration or embarrassment can make it feel less overwhelming, and they often offer a perspective I hadn't considered. Finally, I try to practice self compassion. I wouldn't harshly judge a friend for making a mistake, so why should I do it to myself? I remind myself that being human means being imperfect, and those imperfections are part of the learning process. It's about progress, not perfection 😀 

@izzyy528 

I completely agree that failure can be a learning experience, it's a saying a lot of people have heard when expressing disappointment or shame about failure but I think this can get misunderstood often to mean something it doesn't, which may discourage people even more when they don't think they've even learned or gained anything from their experiences.

Failure can be due to different reasons, whether a lack of self awareness in what is required to succeed, a blind spot in a cognitive bias or way of thinking that is holding you back, focusing on the wrong area, lack of motivation, mental or physical limitations, situational disadvantages, or even just bad luck. Some of these things, especially when in your power, can be learned from and improved upon, however the problem lies in whether you are able to correctly identify the cause for your failure or not, and many people lack this skill.

For example, if you got a bad grade because you underestimated how much time you need to study, then your failure is supposed to teach you that your initial assumption was incorrect and you need to study more to get the grade you want, but where people go wrong in this scenario is that they use it to confirm their own negative beliefs about themselves or others, they will compare themselves to someone else who studied the same hours and got a better grade and they will tell themselves that the reason for their failure is that they are just not as gifted or naturally smart, which unlike studying more is not something you can improve upon and nor is it something novel you've learnt, but rather a reinforcement of a preexisting belief that has not and will not help you grow.

A common pattern with these mistakes is taking failure, which is something external that no 1 person ever has full control over, and assigning a meaning to it about who YOU are and what you equate to internally. No matter what the reason for the failure was, it does not make you a failure yourself; it does not make you incapable, worthless, useless, or less deserving of love and respect. When you give meaning to things that are inherently neutral, you punish yourself for things that are out of your control. Even if you tell yourself that you could have succeeded if only you had decided to do this or that, it does not address the fact that the reason you had not done it was because of a lack of experience (the failure you are experiencing now) that would've taught you to do it, and whether or not you know better than what you know now is up to things in life beyond anyones control. Beating yourself up is not only illogical, but it also completely absolves you from the responsibility of what you COULD do next time, because instead of thinking about what you could learn from to grow, you simply assign yourself labels that do not leave space for change and label it "learning".

I of course am not exempt from this and choosing to not let failure tear down your self esteem and motivation is a very challenging thing to navigate, no matter how self aware you are. Let me know if there's anything anyone disagrees with because I love hearing opinions, but I hope this can help anyone who is feeling stuck or stagnant after a let down and put things into perspective. 

@izzyy528 totally agree. We take failure in such a negative way but we don’t know how failure can help us to learn from our mistakes and help in our growth. The learning we get from failure is the best remembering learning. We should take learning as an opportunity to learn more Instead of going hard on yourself. For me it’s all about acknowledge the mistakes I made and learn from it.