Overcoming perfectionism

Hey everyone and happy Tuesday! I hope everyone is having a great week so far. I start debate camp this week so my replies towards threads might not be the quickest. Debate camp is going to be so much fun and I'm excited! :) I have a great team and I'm really excited to work with them as well. Throughout debate this year, I've always struggled with perfectionism. Even though I still am a beginner/intermediate with my debate levels, there's always been a pressure to be as perfect with my rhetoric or with anything I do really, so I wanted to open up a bit of discussion about it!

"Perfection is a moving target"

This quote really moved me when I was doing some research with perfectionism because of how true it is. It's impossible to be perfect, we hear it all the time. From when we were younger to when we reach the workplace, we are constantly told and affirmed that there is no perfect. Yet, it seems like we are still constantly striving to be perfect and beat ourselves up afterwards.

Why is perfectionism bad for you? Two reasons:

#1: It can be suffocating. There's no need to explain any further that being a perfectionist can often feel really suffocating in how we perceive our own abilities and how we evaluate ourselves. Often as a perfectionist, we think "This can be better" and after we improve, it's almost like there's a never ending "better" that just goes on and on. It's almost like we keep reaching for the cookie jar and it seems like the cookie jar is always one shelf higher than the one we can reach.

#2: It can often make us enjoy the things we enjoy doing less. This second reason is similar to the first in that we can often feel hopeless in becoming "better" with academics, jobs, or extracurriculars. This hopeless feeling can sometimes turn into an almost-nihilstic feeling of never-ending misery about what we cannot achieve. I often felt this way with writing and with debate and the idea of me never becoming "perfect" might have stopped me from being motivated to becoming "better" sometimes.

It's weird too how we often reassure others that they are enough and their effort in their schoolwork or job is enough, but it's hard to help ourselves with this. So what is the solution to this?

I don't think there is a one-size fits all solution to a problem as big as "not feeling or being good enough" for things like school or with your career. Often times we're told just to "try our best". I don't know about you but that saying never seemed to have really filled the never-ending hole of self-criticism and self-hate.

#1) Changing the way we speak to ourselves.

The way we talk to ourselves really changes how we perceive ourselves and the people around us. It's crazy how impactful changing the tone of how you think can change how you do, especially when it comes to imperfection. When we say things like "Oh god I can't believe I got a B on the math test, I'm never going to pass", we're putting ourselves down and worst of all, it leads to no where. Instead, we need to work on talking to ourselves with a growth perspective and tone. Instead of that statement, we can work on saying things like "Oh my, I might be disappointed in what I got but I'm going to talk to my teacher tomorrow to see what I can do to learn from my mistakes"

#2) Finding beauty in imperfection.

This is harder for school, but it's more of a mindset of looking for beauty and feeling content with imperfection. What I mean by this is accepting what you have created or accomplished, no matter how big or small, and being proud of ourselves for it. For example, I could beat myself up about not being the perfect debater, but I can also be slightly more proud of myself for getting to where I am again and looking for the beauty of my growth in debate and more potential growth in the future.

#3) Being gentler with ourselves and rewarding ourselves as well.

With gentler tones and with gentler mindsets, there's also the physical need to reward ourselves with our achievements in order to combat the never ending strive towards perfectionism. We have to take a step back from whatever we're working on and allow ourselves to rest. I know myself and I often overwork myself to the point of exhaustion, which is why I need to work more on resting, sleeping, hydrating, and really taking care of myself more.

Discussion questions:

Would you consider yourself a perfectionist? What are some challenges you face being a perfectionist? If you're not a perfectionist, how do you overcome perfectionism?

What are some things you can do today or tomorrow to be more gentle on yourself and how you talk to yourself?

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

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