College Counseling Anxiety/Complications

Hi all!

Counseling, or any form of professional help, is stupidly complicated for me. So much so that I don't even know if I am the type of person they would want to help, and I feel extreme anxiety when I try to reach out.

My whole life, I was basically treated like I did not have a hard enough life to receive it. I was sometimes told, in one way or another, that counselors, doctors, and therapists would not want to help me because other people have bigger problems.

Well... one of my teachers this semester actually also works for counseling. I have been kind of emotionally spiraling lately, so in a moment of weakness, I reached out to her to get a feel for what counselors expect from me. She kind of helped, but she really wants to meet with me to talk about it. Since meeting (both in-call and in-person) is not simple for me, I asked if we could keep it in email (she said yes). But now I feel paralyzed. I admit, a call or a meeting would have been better. I just can't yet.

But now I don't know how to proceed with the conversation, and I am scared. So much so I felt a sense of impending doom all of yesterday. I also repeatedly almost cried throughout the day.

All my friends think I should do it. The only people that ever tell me I shouldn't have historically been my family and my relationship.

So now I am both afraid of bothering people who cannot or will not want to help me, making me appear spoiled and pathetic, but I am also terrified of saying something that sounds bad and not being able to take it back.

I'm about to try to gently test the waters with my boyfriend by reframing it as an opportunity to talk to someone about smaller issues like how I can change my own behaviors, but I haven't had my chance yet because he is very busy with his projects. He straight up does not hear me when I am speaking to him, and I do not want to push or raise my voice.

I can't just ignore my teacher now after she was so nice as to humor me, and I also can't immediately jump on the chance to talk with her because of my communication difficulties.

... And I still don't know if counselors are there for people like me, or people with different/bigger/smaller issues. But yeah, my teacher really thinks I should give counseling a chance and she wants to help me do it.