Lost
Hi ,I am 18 years old at a point in life where all my friends have given entrances got good grades and know moving to the college and course of their dreams but me I am just at a home with the results that will do me no good. I am so scared I have been crying from weeks Depressed, neck tension, breakdowns I don't know what to choose what to do what is right what is wrong what excites me.... I don't know I don't know I swear I have to be a child who can support their parent after 4-6 years but I don't know what to do Everyone has other opinion My family has clashes I have no one to talk to it's difficult I don't know Engineering? Bachelor? Arts ? Business? I am confused And my marks ,the fees and everything It feels like I am a big burden for my family
I am so lost and what if it gets too late
Oop
I will begin by saying that I don’t have my *** together either (same age). I will also say that right now you look very overwhelmed from the outside and, from my own experience, you can’t see all you usually could when you’re in such a dark cloud.
My opinion right now is that… well, maybe there is not a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ thing to choose for you now.
Maybe you don’t have to choose your life’s career or your future in such a permanent way. Life’s situations aren’t permanent like that.
So… first things first.
Take slow breaths, the actual ones just to slow down a touch. Not to fix anything yet. Just a moment.
It isn’t easy to think clearly when in the middle of a storm.
Then I can’t know what you currently need, but maybe it would do you good to remember that you don’t have to make a perfect choice. Not even a ‘good enough one’.
‘Cause I think it’s most likely (still, I don’t know your situation and I don’t want you to think my words are law, if they feel wrong it usually means that there is something I’m not getting and it doesn’t mean anything bad about you or your current state) you are not going to be despised by every single person you might ever encounter in your life after a mistake. Even big ones.
Despite how awful it feels and how stuck one remains, we do survive those feelings.
Having said all that, I want to give you a big hug 🫂. It’s going to be tough.
Well it's tough it is
When your family also thinks it's your fault and when you don't know what you actually want
Yeah.
That’s pretty likely too. I know it’s the same with my parents, if I can’t bring myself to do things anymore… suddenly it’s ‘laziness’ and lack of effort. It doesn’t automatically mean it’s true, you know.
Parents often don’t know what’s going on or what’s the actual harmful thing either many times.
And you’re not required to know what you want if nothing comes to mind yet.
I know I got aware of a few things (you might like telling someone about those little things or write it to yourself somewhere just to remind yourself of it in the worst moments) that I wanted with time.
Simple stuff like your food preferences or beverages or whatever unique things of yours. Even a past thing that right now you can’t feel anymore because of all the heaviness and anxiety and tiredness.
However, don’t get too discouraged if you can’t think of anything, not even small wants. It’s usually visible when you are not applying further pressure to it.
Right now, you could ask yourself more practical things. No need to find the goal or direction of your dreams yet.
Just look at perhaps what you managed best in your past years, a certain homework or a certain subject. See if you can choose something that is neutral. You can always shift once you find out it isn’t for you.
I say this also because once you place that weight somewhere, once you make some choices however wrong or else and you don’t hold onto the weight of what you can’t control (ex. you can’t know if you’ll pick the right direction already), you can gradually feel lighter and have that space to truly figure out what you want.
Or what you don’t want! That’s probably what you can figure out first. Seeing what makes you feel the most dread is the first step towards your unique direction.
These are a bunch of thoughts, I don’t know if any of these points intrigue you or resonate.
You don’t have to do all those things or even any of it, maybe you just needed someone to hear you out because none of what you have said so far feels unfamiliar to me.
Thanks...
I tired to find what I like or maybe did in the past few years
But you know i can't remember any or there's always I did this because of this like "I did speeches even though my hands used to shake because my dad felt proud that his child is standing on the stage when he himself has stage fear"
Like I liked computers but suddenly when it came to coding it took time more than other kids to figure it out...and ...my high school marks made my level more down
And you know like I always had a fear of maths because my dad and mom used to ask me tables
You know number tables but I took maths as my subject in my senior year because I thought if I did good they will praise me
And i really want to think what I like but..but you know the time's moving so fast
I stay in my room I can't lock it
I try to think I cry.
College admissions are filling up too fast and I am not the kind of kid anymore college will want
Sometimes it's so scary ....that I don't know.
Okay… let me ask you something. Is it due tomorrow? Like if you don’t tackle this today (or even tomorrow) it’ll be too late for college applications?
Btw I have no idea how things work in your country so I can’t tell you with certainty if you got other options or not etc.
I’m saying this because you don’t need more pressure to figure even this out, you need a moment and space to breathe.
If you can, would you like to try and do something small for yourself?
Can you, right now, take a walk outside your home and around? Perhaps with music or perhaps with nothing.
Or do you have anything else coming to mind? That might earn you a few moments of rest? Even a shower could be it.
Maybe you need privacy, that’s something you ‘want’ too you know? Just like wanting more time or more understanding. Your mind isn’t trying to fail you, it just may be screaming for what it needs right now
The thing is college applications are gonna close in a week or more and because my marks are not so good and because of some problems I can't afford much and
my father and all of his friends and my brother is like engineering "you can do it , it's not that difficult and you are ok you are smart"
but I keep having my doubts and also I got an offer letter from another university for a different bachelors but...it is too far away and too sudden I don't know.
I will be honest, I can’t shift your situation as you already know. I also can’t give you much advice as I do not know you or your full situation.
Just remind yourself these days, when it feels all gleam and hopeless, that whatever choice you end up making right now… it doesn’t determine your whole future okay?
Remember that.
I wish you good luck, don’t give up. Wherever you end up, remember to be patient, with yourself especially and keep looking for help when you need it, just like you did today.
I’m sorry I can’t do more, but I promise that even feeling lost so deeply as you are right now won’t last forever.
You may only be able to try and trust that and hang in there right now.
💜
I hope so.
Thank you.
Thank you
Thank you for just listening to me
It means a lot to me
I wish you best in your life too.
You are a good person.
