feeling a little off

September 23rd and 24th were for associations and organizations to set up stalls to recruit new members, appealing many to participate. The activity is held every September. I got to know our association in this activity last year. As a member of our operation department, I decided to lend a hand when our association ran the stall, but failed to find our stall while walking up and down. I asked the reason in out WeChat group, and the head explained, "this term, we'd like to change the way of recruitment, so we didn't apply for a stall here. We want to place more focus on physics classes instead, because of the two tournaments, since there were relatively few participants last year." I suddenly felt a little off. It was not that I disliked it when more students joined in the tournaments. I only wondered whether they would propagate the information of recruitment merely to their physics major. The head had already become a third-grade student who wouldn't take part in the tournaments, and so had other upperclassmen familiar with me. Therefore, the propagation would aim at the second-year and first-year, maybe mainly the second-year. Perhaps there wouldn't be students outside physics major to get involved. I wasn't responsible for recruitment, and within the range of people I knew, there were no one of neither our association nor physics major who were interested in the tournaments. I must be so pessimistic that I started to worry that our association may only open to students majoring in physics later. (You can see in my profile that I major in biological sciences. Of course I won't shift to physics.) Since almost all the participants of the tournaments majored in physics, it was understandable to make them predominate. And physics tournaments doesn't benefit students majoring in others much. Although I felt I was thinking too negatively, I couldn't help being immersed in such thoughts, which generated a sense relevant to "the end", as if leaping onto the train just before its doors closed and it left. There appeared something feeling like congestion in my heart, with too breathy muttering becoming disjointedly, trickling difficultly, which was emotion taken apart by heart beats. The weather of the day when I made acquaintance with our association was fine and dry. However, the rain of Sep. 23rd brought me a humidly uncomfortable feeling, and I saw water mixed with dirt laid out thin on the ground and some accumulating in pits, and chits and leaves soaked with rain water were stuck on the ground. I stood under the eaves watching the bustle of the activity. The rain didn't dampen students' zeal. Music played by stereos pervaded the square where the activity was being held. Memories of our association and tournaments flipped scene by scene and fancies based on them flashed piece by piece. In a trance, I felt as if I were still a first-year undergraduate. But I am a second-year one and the past has become stories. It occured to me that I didn't know the name of the book on the superstring theory, which was placed on this association's stall last year. But I thought there was no need to ask the head. And it wouldn't be a pity if I couldn't know all the members. I would rather just leave the blanks there.