Can I do it?
My 9 months of sobriety from alcohol is coming up next week and I'm struggling very badly to get there. I was able to do it without going into a recovery program and with very little to no support from family and friends. To make things worse I had just started seeing a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD. I'm just very overwhelmed and there's no where to run! I feel stuck in this damaged body broken beyond repair. I frequently fantasize about drinking again because it was my medicine, my best friend, always there when I needed it. But also my worst enemy. I drank anywhere from 9- 17 beers 3 nights a week and spent the rest of the time nursing the hangovers. No i wasn't an "alcoholic" suprisingly but I was definitely a problem drinker. If I drink again I will go back to the same patterns because I have so many times. Perhaps I'm just being impatient wanting everything in my life that I destroyed with the help of alcohol to hurry up and get "better". For everything to return to "normal". But the rational part of me already knows this is my new normal that I must build off of. It's very uncomfortable and frustrating sitting with the anger, sadness, and loneliness. But these are the cards I was dealt. This is the disease I must accept. And I can't blame anyone for it... even myself because if it were up to me at the beginning I would have chosen a better life that never included this legal poison. This is my story and I accept that.
@BrightBunny32
Congratulations on getting sober! That's no easy task, especially when you have limited support from those in your life. Recovery is rarely a smooth road, but each day you make a choice to continue. You can do this. The path out of hell is through the misery, you must go through the discomfort to climb out of hell, by avoiding the discomfort you risk falling back in. I hope you're able to talk with your therapist about ways to support yourself when things feel overwhelming. One thing I encourage my clients who have PTSD to do is when their emotions become overwhelming is to calm their fight/flight/freeze adrenaline response by engaging their mamilian dive response. This is done by taking a bowl of cold water and placing your face in the water while holding your breath and counting to 30. Realisitcally when your body is activiated you won't be able to hold your breath to 30, and that's okay, when you need to take a breath stop counting and take your face out of the water, take a breath, then put your face back in and continue counting. You repeat this 3 times. What this does is engage your parasympathetic nervous system which is your body's "I'm safe, and things are okay" system and it slows your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure, slows your breathing, and gives you a sense of calmness. When you pair this with breathing activities or muscle relaxation it helps even more. (But this isn't something you should use if you have any heart problems without talking to your doctor due to it lowering your blood pressure and heart rate.) Additionally if you don't have a bowl of cold water you can take a bag of frozen peas/ice cubes/snow and sitting down put your head between your knees and hold the bag to your face while holding your breath. You'll want the ice to be right under your eyeballs covering your eye sockets. Again you'll hold your breath and count to 30 3 times breathing when you need to.
I hope this helps! You got this, one day at a time!
@SHutchisonLPC
The cold water trick really did do the job! Thank you much for the words of encouragement. I was able to maintain sobriety for another day:)
- BB
@BrightBunny32 Thats wonderful to hear!!! 🎉Keep up the good work!
