Drinking and driving
Hey there. I’m not really sure what to do with myself right now. So Im just going to rant for a little and hope I don’t annoy anyone. I have this terrible habit of getting drunk and getting into my car and driving. I’ve been in more accidents than I can count. I just bought my dream car, a brand new Jeep Wrangler, I put about half down which I’d been saving for the last three or so years and financed the rest, I’ve had it since late july…I crashed it last night. I knew I had a problem drinking and driving but I really thought I had learned my lesson and that this new car would be an extra push to not do it anymore. I was wrong. It’s like the thought of taking an uber, asking a friend to drive me home, gosh even sleeping in my car, doesn’t even occur to me. Those options are nonexistent when I’m drunk. It’s like the only option my brain can formulate is getting into my car and driving home. I’m so disappointed in myself. And angry. I know it’s just a car and that I should be happy I’m alive and that I didn’t hurt anyone, which I am —with all the accidents I’ve been in I thank god that I’ve never hurt someone, but that car wasn’t just a car to me. It was a symbol of all of my hard work and dedication. I’ve never thought I had a drinking problem until I asked myself, If something that important to me isn’t enough to keep me in line then….what is? I always thought that is wasn’t necessarily a drinking problem, it’s just the things I do when I drink. But I’m starting to really doubt who I am. I don’t drink everyday, I don’t ever have overwhelming cravings for a drink. These are the reasons that kept me from thinking I had a problem. But then I thought, why do I drink?, I drink because it makes me feel. It makes me feel calm, it makes me feel happy, less anxious, it makes me feel like I fit in. And I think that might be a problem. I go out sometimes for “one or two drinks only”, and as you know, it RARELY ever ends up being only one or two drinks. It’s like I can’t stop, it occurs to me, I just decide to keep going. And those instances when it really is one or two drinks, I have to consistently be talking myself down from ordering another. I’m only 24 and I feel like I shouldn’t be considering calling myself an alcoholic, but I’m scared that if I don’t try to do something now, that the next time I decide to d&d that I could really hurt someone.
@DeniYden
You don't have to drink every day to be considered an alcoholic. It sounds like you use alcohol to cope and you have a hard time controlling the number of drinks that you do take. I know we started talking in your other thread about the same subject. In the accidents that you have gotten into, have the police ever been involved? What kind of consequences have you faced?
Authorities have never been involved, until this time. And there’s no proof of drinking and driving so I got lucky. I feel like I have to keep things pretty vague, just in case, so I’m just going to say I’ve gotten extremely lucky in avoiding police involvement. The consequences I’ve had to face consist of losing thousands of dollars on repairs and not having a way to get to work or school.
@DeniYden
It is good that you have been mostly good with avoiding the involvement of the police. You don't have to worry about being vague in getting support here. This is an anonymous outlet for you to reach out for support. It sounds like the property consequences don't deter you as much. What do you think about going to an AA meeting?
I’d like to go. I’m just bad with social situations, specially when they’re new. I don’t really see myself getting support from my family or friends so I think that’s my only option if I’m serious about stopping. I’ve thought about learning to control my drinking opposed to stopping all together but I don’t really know how that would work out. AA is probably the best bet I have with dealing with all of this.
@DeniYden The thing about drinking is that it can sometimes be an All or Nothing situation when it comes to addiction. It sounds like you are realizing how serious of an issue this is and how lucky you have been. AA can definitely be helpful. I can understand the fear of social settings, especially to ones you are unfamiliar with. I have actually attended a meeting in the past as part of trying to understand it. If you go, you are under no obligation to say anything and they're very friendly people. What would be the worst thing that could happen if you went to one of these meetings?
