Helping someone to realise
I think I need help, not for me, but for my sister. And I really feel it's becoming urgent.
I strongly believe my sister is a high-functioning alcoholic. She's been drinking since a fairly young age, and now she's nearing 40. She is so casual about her alcohol consumption, and ostensibly thinks it's a very normal thing to do. It's how she unwinds and has fun.
Almost every conversation I have with her she mentions she's drinking. There is absolutely no shame. She almost seems proud to be rewarding herself for her hard work.
I'm especially concerned now that she's started driving. I feel a duty to protect others. I don't think she's driven under the influence yet, but I can't be sure. I think it's only a matter of time before her impaired judgement gets the better of her.
We're only really reconnecting again recentkt since I recovered from depression about a month ago. She knows I love her, but I'm not sure she fully trusts me and is comfortable with me.
I've been taking steps to open up an opportunity to talk to her about this. I'm just being emotionally available and invested. Sharing music with her that has themes of overcoming addiction. And I want to do more before I confront her.
I want to share my experiences with weed with her, with the focus purely on me. I want her to know I thought it was normal, using it as a crutch for depression and to have fun. But I realised I didn't want to do anything sober. I was beginning to make poor choices, sacrificing what I love in order to pay for it. I realised I needed to change, despite it being a somewhat socially acceptable thing to do, for it was causing me harm.
But I know addicts aren't interested in recovery. She really doesn't see it as a problem, and I think she points to her success as a means to justify that.
This may require rebuilding the relationship before she's able to be receptive, but I do have a plan for if nothing else works: an ultimatum. A declaration that she cannot be in my life until she addresses her alcoholism. And I have a strong suspicion that will be woefully insufficient. She's accustomed to relationship breakdown.
Any tips here? I feel I'm up against a real monster, and I'm becoming increasingly desperate. It's hard not to just beg her to stop and reflect.
@cyanessence
People who do NOT see a problem do not respond well if someone even with love speaks up. It is cool you want to be an example to her but my guess is she would think that is you NOT me.
Sadly many who are high functioning do not wake up until after a bad thing like pulled over driving / accident etc. Is she able to keep up with work or other obligations? do you have a group to do an intervention? one on one she might just cut you out if others see and say something or stand there so she knows they are aware of it... she will not want to cut all people off.
@toughTiger6481
I feared she might not be receptive. Despite my love and experience, it may very well result in her cutting me out if I speak up alone.
She's pretty successful, except in maybe relationships. But relationship breakdown was normalised from childhood, so it's not really a problem for her. She's in therapy, which is a good sign that she recognises she has at least some flaws, but things run deep. There's a lifetime of trauma to unravel.
I think I could get support from friends and family to organise some kind of intervention, but it would require assembling a party of broken people. It's not impossible, but a beast to tackle in itself. Thanks for the practical advice, it may be a way to reach out to her!
I cry for her. Even if she does acknowledge the problem, the journey to recovery is very difficult. I believe it's much harder than quitting weed. And I fear she'll lose a lot in the process.
Thanks for talking it out with me, I really needed input. Still would appreciate more but this is great, for there is hope.
