How to quit when you have depression and no support?
I've been actively trying to stop drinking since the beginning of this year, but the longest I've gone is 4 days. I just keep caving because no one around me wants to help me (my parents keep drinking and pushing drinks on me while my friends refuse to see that I have a problem). Even my psychiatrist isn't helping me- she said she was dealing with insurance for my anti-craving medication but its been two weeks and no update. And I'm not even sure anti-craving drugs would work because the root of the problem is that I am so ridiculously depressed- I'm feeling joyless/hopeless/on edge most of the week so that alcohol is my only relief. I have a violent mental breakdown in my car at least once a week in which I plan to off myself. I feel stuck and lonely and full of grief and trauma and maybe this is all the alcohol making me worse, but I can't stop drinking when I already feel so horrific all the time- trying to get through my life without drinking seems impossible. And I know that not drinking won't solve everything because the times I went to the psychward, was ready to off myself, developed anorexia, started putting sharps on my skin, got massively depressed, had psychotic episodes- that all happened before I started drinking. Drinking or not drinking I am a wreck. Anyone else stuck in a similiar situation?
im kinda in the same situation minus the outburst in the car. Feel all alone in a world full of people sucks
@practicalPineapple8321 Good to know I'm not alone in this. But, also, sorry that you're going through this.
@determinedSea4370 im in this community called In The Rooms. It's a good community. They have all kinds of meetings. If i was you i would try it out. They listen and really reacch out to you
hello! nice to meet you. i'm a listener here and you can reach out anytime if you ever feel you want to do so, and i'm also in recovery for addiction. i really recommend finding and using the NA or AA online meeting websites and joining some zoom meetings if or when you feel ready, if that's something you would like to do. i find it absolutely helpful that we have meetings constantly with other addicts, and the community is open and reaching to anyone who comes.
@jonghyunnie I agree with you on that, thank you. It was just last time I tried to sit in on an AA meeting a woman started telling a life story about her alcoholism that was so extreme and awful that I left the meeting before she got to the end because I guess I'm way too sensitive. Are all AA meetings like that? I felt like I was going to be traumatized by someone else's story- it definitely didn't make me feel supported or connected.
i’m so sorry you had that experience! majority are not but of course there are moments where that does happen, i’ve been to hundreds of meetings and i have seen that maybe a handful of times? typically the over all feeling is nice and welcoming, and have a structured setting used with all possibilities of being triggering in mind, like not using specific substance names for example. i genuinely do recommend to try again if you ever feel up to it.
@determinedSea4370 I felt like I was reading my own thoughts here. On support, I’ve had an influence that would seem to push more drinks on me when I’d finally say I want to quit, but then when I don’t want to quit he’d make comments about my drinking. Outside of that, my lack of support is just being estranged from harmful family and friends from the past. I tend to not be very social because I don’t want to be vulnerable and hurt more. I someone’ occasionally get positive and try to meet new people, but am usually let down or just don’t click with them.
Part of me wants to quit drinking, but part of me is not there yet. I do some better things to cope too, but don’t feel much relief from those. I used to want to talk things out, but now I just want to avoid and wish everything would stop.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I'm sorry you relate so much. But, maybe since I've been finding more success recently with longer periods of staying sober, you can too? There's some hope, even if there's no one in flesh and blood to really help you in the moment. I found clinging to the sober teen version of myself and allowing myself to sink deep into the scary emotions, rather than trying to 'fix' the feelings, has definitely helped me some. Are these the most healthy methods? Maybe not, but they are helping me. I wish you luck.
@determinedSea4370 Thank you so much for sharing this. I think you are right. Since writing my last post, I had a bad night where someone upset me and I drank too much to numb it. Up to this point, I thought I’d had it “under control” enough that the only person I was hurting with it was myself. But the next morning, I missed my alarm and was late to pick up my kids from their dad. He ended up a little late to work. He had no idea and was kind to me about it, but it was a wake up call to me. I understand that I crossed a line where alcohol controlled me more than I controlled it. Suddenly for the first time there’s no part of me that wants to drink anymore. I don’t want to lose control of myself anymore. I threw away all these bottles I’d just bought. It’s only been a couple days, but I’m doing fine with the cravings. As I’m writing this, I actually had something upsetting happen today with the same person from the other day. I’m not even desiring to numb it. I pray that I will stay in this mindset. I feel strongly about not affecting anyone else. Hopefully this will lead to caring more about myself too.
You’ve crossed my mind a few times, and I’ve been wondering how you were doing. I’m really glad you are going longer periods in-between. I also pray that you will care for yourself the best you can too. ❤️
