I need to get this off my chest
I dont know if this is going to help, but i just feel like i need to get this out of my system. I struggle with being honest to people about how i truly feel inside. So here we go:
I am pretty sick and tired of my own behaviour when it comes to alcohol. I dont know why, but i just cant seem to control myself when im going to out to a party or to a club. Although all my friends get drunk, i get the drunkest. Black outs are pretty common for me, and a lot of other stuff has happend while i was drunk (witch i feel really ashamed about) This has been going on since i started drinking, but in the beginning i didnt really see it as a problem. Dont get me wrong, i dont really drink during workdays and i dont feel dependent on alcohol. It is just when i start that im having a hard time stopping. I dont seem to have a break programmed in my brain. After the weekends, i worry a lot about this. I really worry about what people think of me (i tend to worry a lot). I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like i should stop drinking all together, but on the other hand would that feel like losing the battle against alcohol. I would like nothing more than being able to drink like 5 or 6 beers and then stop. I dont now if i want to give up yet, i feel like i should give myself 1 last chance to prove to myself and others that i can drink moderately. I just dont know how yet.
I dont really know why i share this, but i guess Some people may recognize themselves in this an maybe have Some tips for me.
Thanks.
@JHB0912 you know you really need counselling and therapy. However, you might try a first step to drink at home instead of in public. Yes, you will miss your friends but you will also save face and avoid embarassement and guilt and shame and anxiety. Yet again you should seek professional help. You may try to ask your friends to stop you or the bartender but I know that once you reach your limit noone can stop you.
Another solution might be, while you are sober, to leave your credit card at home and only take enough cash with you for a decent drinking round. This solution is not fail proof since you will start to beg your friends to buy you drinks and probably spend your taxi money too.
Even though you do not drink during work days it is an addiction because you cannot stop. Alcohol helps people relax and become friendly and sociable and funny and pleasant to be with, but once the limit is passed, things go bad in the opposite way.
Unfortunatelly there is no magic solution, it is your choice between your egotistic overdose abuse or respecting your friends and people around you by restraining yourself to the pleasant state.
It is sad, but adfiction means just that, lack of self control, it soes not have to do with frequency, just lack of control. Once you do not have control anymore, the adiction controls you.
I am terribly sorry you find yourself in this critical spot. I wish you well and maybe you will find a solution after all.
@floreral67
Thank you for your honest reaction. Maybe a bit harsh, but then again maybe that is what i need. I am currently thinking about taking therapy, not just for the drinking but also for the worrying.
@JHB0912 it was meant from the heart with no harshness intended but you have to face the cruel reality, your friends and family and close ones will always be tgere fir you but they cannot force you nor make decisions for you. Even in the case of involuntary forced institutionalising, when the paciebts got out they started again because tgey did not make peace and equilibrium inside. Please do not lose your friends and close ones because the road only goes down. You are a great person and I will hate to see another one the victim of alcohol and all alone. Do not think back and do not feel ashamed, those who care about you understand your condition and behaviour.
I am just deeply sad for you and bot harsh, just mad to see another one that I cannot truly help. Everyone cares about you but they do not have the tools to get you out of this tight spot. I hated it when others told it to me, but it is really up to you, your decision, your determination, taking hold of your life but never hesitate to rely on those who care about you and stay in touch with everybody.
I am not religious but I pray you find your way and ballance and have a great life. Yes, unfortunately adiction is scary. :(((
@floreral67 again thanks for your response. I do feel though that you are taking this a bit too far. Yes, i do have a bit of a problem when it comes to stopping at my limits, but i stay positive and hopeful. It is not like ive hit rock bottom or something. My life is beautiful, even with the problems i am facing right now. I will find a solution.
@JHB0912 I appologise and I am sorry if I hurt ypur feelings. It was not my intention, I wish you well, please accept my sincere appologies.
Ofcourse you didnt hurt my feelings :) i really appreciate you taking the time to help me. I am just being honest back at you! Thanks again . @floreral67
@JHB0912 best wishes! Hugs!
Hi @JHB0912,
I think you've made a great first step already - you have reached out and identified your problem.
I do agree that the best next step when dealing with dependency (the Internet, alcohol, food, etc.) is to see a professional. They will look at you from a different perspective and since they aren't emotionally attached to you, they will be able to help you.
Thank you for posting, you are very brave.
I wish you all the best!
Thank you for your Nice response! I just find this stuff hard to talk about in real life. @greenEyes2019
@JHB0912
I see. It's great you're on 7cups, though!
If not face-to-face talks, perhaps online counselling might be the option for you?
And, of course, sticking to the communities and forums!
I do hope you'll be getting better and better any time soon!
