Crossed
jboy19
February 14th
I’m freaking out. I hate getting crossed faded, but I’m so convinced that it will make me feel better that I do it anyways. Now I’m just scared I’m going smth bad will happen to me.. I wish I could stop myself. A doctor warned me that if I didn’t take the “recovery road” while dealing with bipolar disorder that I would continue to fall into this cycle with substance abuse being one of the stops. I just can’t deal with the world sober. I feel like I have to be high, or if I survived I week I HAVE to be hammered on the weekends. I wish I could find joy sober.
CalmRosebud
February 14th
@jboy19
I hear how much you’re hurting right now, and I want you to know I’m right here with you. Please don't be so hard on yourself—you aren’t a 'failure' for being in this cycle; you’re dealing with a really difficult medical condition, and that's not your fault.
I’m so proud of you for being honest with me about where your head is at. You don't have to figure out the whole 'recovery road' tonight; just focus on getting through this hour. I know the world feels impossible to face sober right now, but I truly believe you can find that joy again, and I’ll hold onto that hope for you until you're ready to feel it yourself. You’re safe here.
If you don’t feel safe right now, I can send you some numbers like for a warmline (which is for talking only, not for crisis), or some crisis resources if you do feel like you’re in crisis right now. Please let me know.
