Needing input
I feel anxious around these individuals. Especially around my “friend” Jane. I’ll say Jane, started off kind and continues to be kind. But, to me it seems like an act, or she has a double side. I always hear about, people saying the moment, they realized someone was a wolf in sheep’s clothing if not a witch in disguise at church and I believe this is the case for her. I feel so suffocated, at this place with clueless people, breathing down my neck. Among other individuals, being in appropriate or just plain stupid. What I hate most, is that I keep running into them outside of church and they almost force their nature onto me. Rushing over to hug and kiss me on the cheek, etc. Can’t stand these people! Or the fact, that I either find overbearing people, or extremely cold people. What’s the alternative! Being lonely. Please I have no one, to speak speak to. My family is emotionally distant. I’ve already spoken, to some people about this, but I think, I need to have one final conversation fully renouncing and distancing myself from the church and everyone. And going back to my friend Jane, she’s made I’ll times jokes in the past. Like one comment, about not caring if someone were to join a satanic church. And she’s, also a prominent member and worker for this church. Last, that I spoke to her, was a message as she, was in the hospital due to needing bed rest for her pregnancy. She did, thank me and say with “god nothing is impossible.” I truly hope, she’s changed but I can’t ignore certain things. Like her eyes. Especially when, feigning affection, towards the child of another member. More so, making an insensitive comment regarding my dog and a neighbor’s small son, kicking my dog. Feigned concern, until making a joke less than a minute later. Never apologizing nor trying to make things right. This, church is composed of mostly Spanish speakers, and I would volunteer there. And many, upon knowing my background and hearing me speak Spanish choose to overstep and force their overbearing nature onto me. With the inappropriate greetings, being too friendly, etc. I get it many people, don’t get it, I feel uncomfortable but all the times, I’ve felt uncomfortable just ask, “are you okay?” And continue to do it
@secretFriend2402
Sometimes people just don't get it.
Stick to your own personal boundaries and never feel any guilt for doing so, regardless of people's opinions 💛
Thanks. It’s not just my inution. But I’ve, had encounters and had to speak to the pastors about it. I feel conflicted, as if I’m overthinking and am thankful the pastors stepped in, when I spoke to them. But, that man was beyond creepy and still lurks around. The fact, a room of people, didn’t blink an eye, expect for the lady next to me, wanting me to translate the gossip. Overall, other people I don’t feel well around. My own, parents never reassured about my own concerns, etc and lanauge barriers. While my sister and I, needed to step up and speak for them due to it. It’s hard, and makes you not only question your sanity at times but frustrated nonetheless. Many, members there remind me of my parents due to this. And I have already spoken, to a member or two explaining my absence. But sometimes, attended here and there. To sum it, I feel like cutting off completely due to my, own feelings
@secretFriend2402
Hi. I hope you're alright. I just clicked on this forum and saw your post. I want to say that not every church or church member is safe. I think your intuition may be right about her faking niceness. She kicked your dog! That is a sign she doesn't care about your feelings at all. Those small things do add up.
I had some people did that to me, they talked about me negatively behind my back. They did that to other people as well, especially new people. Unfortunately, that's the way it is... I don't want to think negatively about them. I think it's just an unhealthy mechanism to regulate their feelings. It sucks.
I hope you can find genuinely good people. I can't tolerate fake niceness any longer. There's just something passive-aggressive about it. I'm drained after spending time with them, taking too much energy just being with them. It doesn't make sense, but here they are.
Thanks for your in depth response. It’s more, of a feeling and some comments she’s made here and there. No, she didn’t kick my dog ☺️. It was, a child with disabilities, whom lives upstairs. I had, told the story. And she, cracked a joke, after when I said the kid was weird. But, idk I keep recalling something things. Like her, joking that she, doesn’t care if someone joins a 👺 cult. Her, strange distant glare. Especially, while feigning affection, for the small child, of another member. The child looked scared.
I mentioned the child, as weird because. I want, to clarify that I don’t mean, to speak ill on anyone, especially those with disabilities. Up until, recently I hadn’t given much thought to the child being “different.” It seems, his family nor my own family; can acknowledge his differences. But, I put two and two together, from the way he interacts as well, and his need to be constantly supervised. He’s still around 5, and lives upstairs. Yet, his dad complains to my mom, oh he’s this, way because his mom spoils him.
@secretFriend2402
Oh, I see. Sorry about your dog. I don't think the child fully understood what he did. Empathy is not automatic sometimes, it needs to be taught. About your friend... Maybe it's part of her personality being somewhat sarcastic. I honestly don't know. I notice I'm more sensitive than others. I did have some insensitive friends that I had to cut because simply I felt too drained and we're not clicking anymore. That doesn't answer your problem, does it. 🤣
I get you. I get easily drained and the rant also includes others from the church. But im just, an easily stressed and introverted person. I know, I’m sensitive too, it’s okay to pick up on things.
I’m just distancing myself, overall from the church. Praying and putting things in his way. But yes, I feel like you and Amanda have helped me, even if by just reading my thoughts and concerns. It’s hard, to talk about this, and many professionals aren’t of faith and may dismiss these things automatically