Boyfriend stinginess
Please do not get me wrong.
I’m not blaming him but rather trying to understand if what I’m expecting is too much from a guy
Hi I’m in my mid 20s dating a guy a few years younger.
I have always been big hearted when it came to going out and paying for stuff. I’m not saying I paid 100% of the time by majority of the time I would reach for wallet and he wouldn’t mind it or even offer it first or he would usually “forget” his wallet or “his card won’t work”. It came naturally and I was okay with it
When we first met I was a post graduate student new in the city looking for a job. I was living off of my limited savings but I would still pay for stuff. Even though he had a job at that time.
We never went on big dates because I understood that that’s a bit much to ask if we don’t earn too much just student jobs.
It’s been 3 years and I have realised we have only gone on 1 proper date before ( as a birthday gift from him) where he forgot to get cash as well which he borrowed from me.
I just feel like no effort has ever been made to woo me in terms of dates or going out
He does make efforts sometimes by performing for me which is great and I appreciate it . But no flowers or no birthday cakes or dates.
He has never been with me on birthday as well because it comes during vacation when he visits home. I never asked as well because I didn’t wanna be that girlfriend who keeps him away from his family and friends.
In 3 years he has only given me 1 gift that he didn’t end up returning.
On the other hand I always give him exactly what he needs and more each time on his birthday even on anniversary or valentines I would do it . With a student job as well.
He earns bit less because he works only a few hours and he’s adamant that he doesn’t need more.
But I see his frugal / stingyness even in day to day and it completely making me fall out of love.
in day to day stuff as well I’m expected to get everything expensive around our place. And he pretend it’s 50/50. I don’t say anything because I don’t wanna argue about money but I feel like being a guy he should atleast take a girl on a date sometimes . Make some efforts . I’m not asking to spend a lot on me just sometimes maybe twice a year just pay for the dinner so I feel cherished
Is that too much to ask ?
@adventurousDog8593
It's absolutely not too much to ask 💙
I'm all for paying my way too and I never expect anyone else to pay for everything.
And it's clear you are not shallow or into money.
But it's only so long he can use the excuse I forgot my wallet .
And you shouldnt have to do all the running.
It's not much to expect a birthday gift or a small occasional treat.
You deserve the same effort you are putting in 💛
Thankyou for your response .Is it against feminism if I tell him this that I need someone to take me on dates and treat me nice once in a while?
He’s European I feel there’s a bit of cultural difference as well I so try to over compensate for the 50/50 culture
@adventurousDog8593
It's not against feminism , it's natural to want to be treated well as you treat him well 🩷
@adventurousDog8593
It's not about money, it's about greed being a flaw. It's a specific flaw, and I associate it with one's worldview.
I've never met anyone who's overcome greed; it only gets worse with age. Someone needs to change his/her worldview, and that's impossible for a greedy person; it's easier for them to remain greedy.
@adventurousDog8593
When we think about it in many relationships' money problems are often a serious issue or deal breaker. The Often-forgotten wallet or not even offering to pick up a check is a quick road IMO to seeing someone in a different light. Easy to feel taken advantage of. It is not selfish or against feminism to want someone to contribute or show their appreciation for you. There is nothing IMO worse than having a partner not make an effort to treat us. You are probably losing respect for him which ends up as losing feelings.
This imbalance is something that needs to be openly discussed and understood before the resentment or keeping score happens. The longer it goes on the more they will act like they thought you were OK with always paying for things. They will always have an excuse or reason, but it shows their lack of respect for your efforts. I could not even imagine my partner taking me out for a birthday or something and then asking for loan to pay for it.
It should be a partnership, and can you really see a future of your paying for most things and him acting if it is 50/50?