Griefing, lies en drama
Hello,
I am new Here and I would Really appreciate some advice or toughts about this situation…
I lost my father suddenly in January. After his death I immediately flew to his country and tried to put my own pain aside to be there for his wife. I stayed for a month, a week after I came back she went on holiday with friends of my father. She was terrified to fly for the first time without my father. (She came later because I was still with her.) I felt sorry for her and I wanted her to have a different environment after everything. While she was there she never responded and when we called she hung up quickly because my father's friends came back from an activity. A few weeks later she started to contact me less and less. We called again and I was happy to speak to her again. She told me that she hoped we could always be honest with each other and to keep the good bond we had built up over the years. Two days after that she was suddenly in Turkey and she said she was going there spontaneously, during that holiday she said she had a toothache... and she posted that she was at a clinic. I asked her if she was going to do her teeth because I knew she wanted to do it and she posted a story with a dental clinic in Turkey.. She told me she was having trouble with her teeth and didn’t want to do her teeth. A few days later she was back in Czech Republic and they posted on her story that she had done her veneers. I didn’t understand why she called me before and then lied about something like that? My father’s gravestone was being made and I was waiting until I could fly there to be there. A week before my flight she posted on her story: I’m going to bury my husband somewhere where no one can find him, bring my family down and tell very personal things that were not true and nobody’s business as far as *** was concerned. I was shocked and didn’t expect it from her. She had already told me before that she would pretend to bury my father with my grandmother but secretly put him somewhere else. After my father was put in my grandmother’s grave I wanted to take something of my father with me as a memory. She sold everything and the one thing I wanted she gave to her brother, a personal item that he had no emotional value for. I was hurt but she was the victim again. She told me lies about my family which I later found out when I tried to stand up for her. She lied to me from day 1, she didn't fly to Thailand alone after I left in February. She already had a boyfriend, why did she need me there if she had him and hadn't even forgotten me for half a year? Better to have your veniers done than bury your husband…?
@communicativeWillow2965 I am sorry for your loss and the way his wife treated you. She had too many self concerns and an attitude that seemed to be set on harming others.
I would let her go her own way. You have something no one can take with you: your experience of your father at some point in your life. Expressing gratitude for all that can help process grief. It happens in layers.
Hope you find a way through this difficult time.
@communicativeWillow2965 it hurts grief thoughts drama it’s never me it’s never my style I don’t like dealing with it also I have to deal with an unsupportive father my father takes it personally rises his voice gets angry easily
@communicativeWillow2965I'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through. Losing a loved one is incredibly difficult, and dealing with these complex emotions and situations can be even harder. It sounds like you've been navigating a lot of pain and confusion, and it's understandable to feel hurt by the way things have unfolded.
Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might help:
Acknowledge Your Grief: Allow yourself to fully experience and process your emotions. Grief can be complicated and may come with a mix of sadness, anger, and confusion. It’s okay to feel these things and to seek support from friends, family, or a counselor if needed.
Set Boundaries: It seems like the relationship with your father's wife has become a source of additional pain. It might be helpful to set some boundaries to protect your own emotional well-being. This might involve limiting or discontinuing contact with her if it continues to be hurtful.
Focus on Your Healing: Prioritize your own healing and self-care. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and peace, whether that's spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or seeking professional support.
Reflect on the Relationship: Consider the dynamics of your relationship with your father's wife and how they might have influenced her actions. Sometimes people cope with grief and change in ways that can seem hurtful to others.
Seek Support: Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and gain perspective. They can offer support and strategies for coping with complex grief and family dynamics.
Honor Your Father: Find meaningful ways to remember and honor your father. This could be through personal rituals, creating something in his memory, or continuing traditions that were important to him.
Forgive and Let Go: Forgiveness can be a powerful way to release the hold that hurt and resentment have on you. This doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened, but rather freeing yourself from the ongoing emotional burden.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your own mental and emotional health as you navigate these challenging times. If you ever need to talk or need more specific advice, feel free to reach out