Holding Grudges?
- How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake?
- What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult?
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It’s pretty hard bc it makes a bad impact and to realize that it’s your fault that a certain bad thing happened is a rly bad feeling and sometimes I just wish I wasn’t here
@harharkaur I often get caught up in guilt built just makes matters worse. When feel regret I can recognize that I did the best I could under those conditions at that time.
If I cannot change what happened why sink into guilt and shame?
What I meant by the last message was present in that moment
@harharkaur
I understand. I am glad you are here. Sending love and support. Forgiving yourself can be difficult at times.. I struggle with it too.
It is incredibly difficult for me to forgive myself. I am still reeling from a terrible mistake I made 4 years ago. I don't think I can ever forgive myself.
I was married to a decent guy for 34 years. We had a home and 2 adult children. I grew up in an abusive and alcoholic family, and I had some issues. While my marriage wasn't perfect, it was beyter than most. We hit a rough patch, and I did what I always did ran. It was a well known pattern in my younger years.
Instead of sticking it out and working on my marriage, I left to meet an old friend from childhood whose life was more screwed up than mine. One was escape and the other reason was to "help" him. Much easier than dealing with my own issues.
Here I am 4 years later, my kids no longer speak to me. and my life is destroyed. I left grandkids that I will probably never see again. I want to go back, but that is not always possible. I feel like I am shattered, lost, and alone. I am still with my friend, but losing my family has destroyed me.
As far as forgiving others, it is much easier. While I will never forget the abuse, I have made peace with it.
Someday, I hope I can forgive myself.
Thank you for listening. It is much appreciated.
@sincerePenny1023 I am so sorry that you got caught up in emotions and tried to find a way out of suffering. That sounds rough.
As an "escape artist" I left many potential good relationships to jump into new ones or just out of old ones. I was hurting. I had expectations that there would never be problems. I did learn from them so I finally settled into another relationship that has been rocky but it was a certain form of stability.
Now that you are here, what dreams do you have of doing with the rest of your life? If you prefer to discuss that in PMs that is fine: https://www.7cups.com/@soulsings
@soulsings
Thank you so much for understanding and teaching out. I will PM you. It is appreciated more than you will ever know. ☺
@soulsings Many grudges are easily forgiven but recently a situation occurred that is making it really hard to letting it go.
@eternalHero77 What I think is if this person was really happy they would not have acted in this way. What they did was not right but holding a grudge only makes me miserable. So why hold onto it? I cannot find a reasonable answer to that question.
@soulsings You’re absolutely right. Thing that’s making it hard in this case is that there is a child involved. My 9 year old granddaughter was present not once but twice when this person did these things. I reminded the person several times there’s a child present and stop the behavior in front of the child but got nowhere.
@soulsings i don't hold a grudge against a guy who raped me several times when i was a 12 year old child. Still think of him as my loved one. When i think about it, i was never allowed to hold a grudge, I'd be made fun of if i did.
@DapperTriangle377 sorry for the trauma you eperienced.
Grudges do not help us and only bind us to a situation. I do not condone people's actions that harm others but I also do not want to dwell on the past that I cannot change.
