Holding Grudges?
- How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake?
- What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult?
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@soulsings
Hard question tbh 🧐
TBH It's genuinely quite challenging for me to "stop blaming myself" whenever I make a mistake. My mind tends to get stuck in a loop, constantly replaying the situation and second guessing every choice, asking "what if I had done this differently?" or "why didn't I see that coming?" That self condemnation can linger for a long time, making it hard to move past the error.
_As for "letting go of grudges against others", that becomes incredibly difficult, almost impossible, in specific situations. It's particularly hard when I feel a deep sense of "betrayal" or when someone I trusted or cared about a lot intentionally "disrespected"me. Those kinds of hurts just seem to embed themselves deeply. It feels like if I were to just "let it go" I would somehow be minimizing the pain or the wrong that was done to me, and that's a feeling I struggle to overcome.
@Tulipsmile what is especially hard for me is to let go when I have strong expectatioins of what should happen.
@soulsings
Yeah, that's really hard thing, especially when we have expectations
@soulsings
- How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake? It's a very hard habit to break.
- What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult? Unable to let go. Still hold grudges. I used them for motivation. I've held them so long, I don't know how to let go of them. 🙅
@courageouspanda2006 grudges can become part of my identity but I do not want to be leaving this world thinking of getting angry at someone so it motivates me to do the hard work of working to unwind them.
@soulsings condemning my self from the past is something I will never get over. But recent years mistakes I get over pretty quickly because I'm still learning💖 grudges yeah from my past🙁 but recent years, I don't think I hold any grudges.
@Tinywhisper11 sometimes I blame myself for something that at the time I had no power to change. I realize in retrospect that compassion for myself and others suffering is a more fruitful way to go.
@soulsings 💖I try💖
@Tinywhisper11 I hear you keeping an open mind to possibly changing is a start.
@Tinywhisper11
💕💜
@soulsings
It depends on the situation; there are things I found hard to forgive myself and had to remind me that I truly did all I could.
I do not like if people are telling lies at all.
@amiablePeace77 I hear you. The unfortunate thing is that many people believe the lies they tell themselves. They too are victims of their own schemes.
You know, for the most part I have been able to forgive myself for things that I’ve done as well as mistakes or whatever but I try to reflect back when these things were happening and my mental state was not great. It’s fair to say that I really had no idea what I was doing Certain in things that people refer to as being a mistake. There’s a limit to what we call a mistake for certain things that we call mistakes that was not a mistake. It happened whether you intended to do it or not it still happened and that’s the part that I have a issue with forgiven myself other people I can forgive, but May it’s the hottest, especially where my son is involved that he didn’t deserve to get from me
Due to my being abused for so many years, I live a very quiet life during the time of my abuse of years. It was very sheltered. Well I wasn’t able to go out I couldn’t have friends, etc. and I just couldn’t talk. I was too shy and afraid to be around people. I’m still a bit shy, but I talk more now than I did before but I live a very quiet life and the people that I have a hard time letting go of a grudge is anybody who comes in and does anything abusive or disrespectful towards my children and grandchildren anyone elseI can let grow out the grudge within a short period of time but you go now my family and that’s a problem
I need to also add being a practicing Catholic and I believe it in God I find it not only do I hold grudges in this sense but people who talk against God or talk against me and my beliefs in him to condemn him it’s to condemn me to condemn me directly due to my faith, then that a lot of times that’s where With the grudges come into and it’s hard for me to let that go. I’ll still talk to you and stuff, but I always remember that you down me because of my beliefs because that’s my part of my what I call my DNA. It’s in my system and took Owen and discriminate against it. It’s hard to let that go
I can forgive you sure but I think that even though I forgive you and I feel like I forgive you the memory of it when a topic comes up I’m always precaution as far as what I say to a person because I don’t wanna hear that how I refer it to it that abuse being thrown at me
@eternalHero77 I agree that abuse is not acceptable and in my mind forgiving does not condone the action but recognizes that the perpetrators are themselves miserable. Happy people do not harm others.
@soulsings I totally agree and I have forgiven them but to me despite my abuse and my mental state at the time I feel I should have know better not to take it out on my young son. I just had no idea. I had been sheltered for so long I just believed everyone lived as I did. I have appologized to him many times over. It never should of happened. I also dont like the fact that here I was in a program working on me to get myself better for both my family as well as myself for stuff I did not create but for stuff that was done to me in exchange for what I did to my children while the perpetrators got off scott free. My daughter wasnt physically abused and she will tell you she never had that but how I see it she was in the home she heard she witnessed and verbally at times she and I teamed up against my son so I feel she too maybe not physically and mentally she still was abused regardless.
@soulsings
I don't think I hold grudges but I don't like to allow people whove hurt me or others think they just get a free pass, I don't hold onto it, but I don't forget it 💕💜
@soulsings
How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake?
Exceptionally hard. I'm a big time pessimist. I'm often lectured for being so critical of myself by my bestfriend.
What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult?
When they mock and ridicule me, hurt my sentiments or spread rumours about me.
@soulsings
Mistakes were made and a few are still present in my mind. But then those mistakes have also become lessons well-learned.
As far as grudges go, I have none. My mother used to say that it was a flaw of mine that I never did. I always prefer to repair relationships if I can or at least move on. It's hard to understand how others can burden themselves with unneeded resentment.
Unfortunately, I know of people who have plenty of that poison. Most of those are not even based on facts or truth, but on wrong perceptions and misunderstandings.
The best example is probably in car traffic. Driving rage maybe caused by a entitled fool, but wait... they might be lost, there is a kid about to throw up in that car, something is wrong with mechanics, they got distracted.... how do you actually know they made that maneuver on purpose to make you mad?
- How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake?
- What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult?
@Fradiga good points or the lady may be about to give birth to a baby.
@soulsings
Thank you! As to "the lady may be about to give birth to a baby. "? Is that an expression I did not get?
@Fradiga what I meant was what appeared to be road rage may be a panicked husband trying to get his wife to the hospital before she gives birth in the car. Does that clarify it?
@soulsings
Yes, everyone thinks of that example and I just gave others because... well, one never knows what is really going on in someone else's life and acts instinctively as if those other people should know what they are doing to you
@soulsings How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake? Sometimes it's pretty hard. I'm often my own judge and jury.
What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult? If some thing I've shared with them is weaponized against me.
@mytwistedsoul these are both challenging but possible.
@soulsings
How hard is it for you to let go of condemning yourself when you make a mistake?
Depends on the mistake.. i tell myself i forgave but it sticks somewhere deep down
What kind of situations do you find letting go of grudges toward others very difficult?
The ones where i sense they are being mean towards me
@daydreammemories you hit on a good point. Words alone are not enough. It must be a heart felt aspiration, but that can take time.
@soulsings
Agreed!❤️