I don't know how to help myself
I think my biggest problem is that I hate people. Not all people, but majority of people. I feel uncomfortable around like 80% of people that I meet and their presence often triggers my anxiety. It's a massive problem at work. My anxiety is severe and sometimes it makes me walk out from work half way through my shift, sometimes I can't even bring myself to work at all. Not because I can't be bothered to work. It's because the thought of being around certain people makes me ill. So, with so many absences from work, I can't keep any job for longer than a year. I've had about 25-30 different jobs in the period of 10 years. Last week I've lost another job where I've been working last 8 months. I'm left with absolutely no money, no income and frankly it seems that I'm out of options when it comes to work in my area. So I've been feeling quite desperate last few days and I keep getting suicidal thoughts quite frequently as well. I don't have any family or friends that I could turn to for help. I'm scared of the dark place where I found myself.
@BruisedNectarine
I know when stressed or have anxiety it seems easy to walk away ... but as you found out that does not make for a long career or successful functioning all the time... It must be no secret that in varying degrees many people feel like you do....
i too have left jobs not walking out but coming up with lame excuse and giving notice why because i had co- workers i simply could not stand .... never wanted to even be around them as they were fake/ know it all types ..... that often took credit for my work.... i wished all sorts things on them.
I wish i could suggest telling people about your issue to maybe get one of the jobs you had back or explain to possible new employers ............ but many may not understand as many many people feel similar dislike/ hate several people they have to deal with daily ........... but they have found coping methods.............. there are different ones for different people .......
how did you feel when you walked out besides anxious did you feel relief ? did you feel panic? You now know that is not workable..... in the long run.... have you tried any counseling or therapy ?