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Insight on anxious - avoidant attachment dynamic

User Profile: imsotireddddd
imsotireddddd December 20th, 2025

Hi, I’m going through a break up and need some help on the dynamic listed above. I’m anxious and he’s an avoidant and we’ve been together for 4 years, he recently discarded me again after we lived together for 4 months.

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User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 December 20th, 2025

@imsotireddddd

🥺

I'm genuinely sorry you are going through this pain 💚

I want you to know, you are heard, and I'm sending you my support and I hope anyone dealing with similar attachment styles, might relate and reach out 💚

i-love-you-love-you.gif

2 replies
User Profile: imsotireddddd
imsotireddddd OP December 20th, 2025

Thank you, I don’t know how I’m surviving but I’m just existing in a shell of me. :/

1 reply
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 December 20th, 2025

@imsotireddddd

🥺

Be gentle with yourself, as you process this 💚

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User Profile: creativeBlossom4962
creativeBlossom4962 December 30th, 2025

@imsotireddddd

Hyy I'm also one of them recently got out !. Almost half de**d emotionally , I can understand what you are going through be with a avoidant individual its really hard , we try we try they create distance one step and something happening and they stonewall us . Constant stress you are not alone,, 

User Profile: LeoInPerpetuity
LeoInPerpetuity December 30th, 2025

@imsotireddddd Hello, I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Anxious‑avoidant dynamics can be incredibly painful, especially after so many years together. When one person reaches for closeness, and the other pulls back, it creates a cycle that feels confusing and draining, even when there's real care.

Being left again after living together would hurt anyone. Your feelings make sense, and you're not alone in trying to understand what happened.

User Profile: Innercalmspace
Innercalmspace December 30th, 2025

@imsotireddddd

Hi

I can relate on how you feel but trust every pain will pass away just don't be hard on yourself and take one step at the time.

User Profile: PeaceInPulse
PeaceInPulse December 30th, 2025

@imsotireddddd


I’m really sorry you’re going through this. A breakup like that, especially after being together so long and living together, can feel very destabilising. It makes sense that you’re feeling anxious.


User Profile: yellowBike2589
yellowBike2589 December 30th, 2025

As an avoidant M this would usually be because of a chain of intrusive thoughts, most of which feel unhijackable. You feel them coming, sense they're not true and real, and yet the affect stays with you. I would be curious to hear what being discarded looked like, was it only verbal, did he slowly pull away the attention. How was it?

1 reply
User Profile: yellowBike2589
yellowBike2589 December 30th, 2025

Personally it's very common to ride the rollercoaster of idealization/devaluation fueled by depersonalization. I'm sorry you had to go through this breakup.

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User Profile: franky256
franky256 December 30th, 2025

Im so sorry