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Married but living separated from my wife

User Profile: Cranedude
Cranedude November 17th, 2025

So me and my wife separated 72 days ago we still do everything together we spend everyday together when I come in from work on my 14 days off she still tells me she loves me and misses me I meet all her needs and things she needs help with do everything with children she tells me she wants to reconcile but has no clue when but she also meets none of my needs when I talk to her about them she tells me she don’t know how to help me what do I need to do because I’m confused lost nothing makes sense and we are in counseling and stuff I’m getting kind of a weird feeling I know this is a long shot but Help?

3
User Profile: toughTiger6481
toughTiger6481 November 17th, 2025

@Cranedude

Do you discuss it in counseling do you talk when you see each other outside of counseling?  Why does she not want to learn or try to meet your needs?   Our needs change over time but how does our partner not adapt or see the changes like we have for them?   

  I feel this is a problem for many couples.  It is hard and confusing even frustrating.    We do all the little things instinctively to meet their needs/ wants.    Yet our spouse claims they do not know what we want or need.  It sometimes feels like an excuse to not do things we want or need.   It is an issue for me too when I evidently need to leave a detailed list with step-by-step instructions to get the help or needs met.  

  If I must tell them what to do continually like a chore list and then be so thankful and appreciate whatever attempt IF they follow thru ,.... does Not make me feel loved or appreciated. I feel the opposite. 

  if you both want to reconcile ... she needs to figure out what you need and how to help you.  Both of you hopefully are able to learn to communicate with each other in a way that does not feel like it is a constant struggle. 

User Profile: peacefulMango1445
peacefulMango1445 November 17th, 2025

@Cranedude

First, I want to acknowledge how difficult and confusing this must feel for you. It’s really challenging to live in this in-between space where you’re separated but still emotionally and practically intertwined. Feeling lost and frustrated is completely understandable.

From what you’ve shared, a few things stand out:

1. She expresses love but struggles with your needs: It sounds like your wife is emotionally available in some ways—she says she loves you and wants to reconcile—but she struggles to meet your needs or communicate how she can support you. This is a real mismatch, and it’s normal to feel hurt or confused.


2. Counseling is important: You’re already attending counseling, which is a strong step. It may help to bring up these specific concerns with your therapist—explaining that you feel your emotional needs aren’t being met and asking for concrete strategies for both of you.


3. Clarify your boundaries and needs: Sometimes in situations like this, it helps to clearly define what you need to feel supported and loved. Then, ask your wife if she can realistically meet those needs. If she truly doesn’t know how, counseling can guide you both toward actionable steps rather than leaving things ambiguous.


4. Reflect on the relationship: While continuing counseling, it may help to ask yourself: Are your needs being met enough to sustain your emotional well-being? Are you getting enough clarity about the future? Your feelings of confusion are valid—they’re a signal that you need more communication and clarity.


5. Self-care: Make sure you’re caring for yourself independently—social support, hobbies, rest, and mental health practices. It’s easy to lose yourself when you’re focused on fixing a relationship that’s in limbo.



It’s okay to feel confused and frustrated, and it’s okay to ask for more than “I don’t know how.” In counseling, you can explore both your individual needs and ways to improve communication so that both of you can feel supported and understood.

You deserve clarity and connection, and seeking help is the right step.


User Profile: fruityMirage6614
fruityMirage6614 November 17th, 2025

@Cranedude

How you feel about that?

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