My boyfriend has given me the ultimatum to have a baby or were over

@sweetcherryxx

It scary and heartbreaking the decision you have to took.

According to your age you are very young it very obvious you have that desire to study ..to get job and be independent.

Being mother is not like one or two year commitment and the mental transition from wife to mom is not easy for every woman and hormone or physical changes also take place. As your relationship is on verge you can surely put some question to your boyfriend. If it okay for you.

1. Expressing you want to get job. So having baby this dream won't be fulfill. Will he gonna support in house chore n baby care so you can do part time or good job opportunity? Or

2. If you get busy than who will take care fulltime?

3. What financial planning for pregnancy before and after care ?

4. You both are staying on their own house ..so without get together and adjusting each other is needed first ?

If he worry he getting old what about getting check to dr and see if waiting one or two years will be trouble in future ?

Losing someone after having spending for years together is not easy. It big toil. But when we have logical clarity thing bit become acceptable. This is how i handle thing .. hope it help you.

Good luck.

Please think about whether you need a person with you who manages your body? He does not want to discuss the issue of having a child with you, he believes that he should get what he wants, while having nothing that he could give to the child. It is not known how he will treat the child, whether he will be able to adequately raise him, since he himself does not know how to behave. This situation is uncomfortable for you - listen to yourself and do not do what you do not want or cannot do. Love yourself!

dump his a**

@sweetcherryxx hello hope you are doing great, I would personally break up with someone if they said that to me, but I'm not in your position nor do I have your feelings to speak on that matter. That being said, do you think it's a good idea to bring up a child in a relationship that works on blackmailing? what kind of loving partner would say, either we have a baby (which will only affect your body), or else we're over, I mean let's say you said yes just to stay with him, if he accepts that you have a baby when you're not convinced just for that reason than he doesn't really care about you. He could leave you at any moment, whether you two had a child or not, that is manipulative as ***. I advice you to ask external people their opinion on the matter, because when we are with someone and we have feelings for them it's hard to see when they are being manipulative. whether you were 23 or 33, if you're not ready to have a child then it's a TERRIBLE idea to have one just to keep a relationship going for a couple more years. settle first, and find someone with whom you'll agree on decisions as important as this one. Love isn't enough at all in a relationship and aside from that, think about the kid that you'll have, it only reason for being will be because it's parents wanted to stay together. It wouldn't be a healthy environement for a child in my opinion. Don't know if you'll read all that, but I sincerely wish all the best, and I really hope you put your needs and what you want first. a child is a life long commitment.
have a nice day

@sweetcherryxx Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out and telling your story! Here are a couple of thoughts that I am having (I am in my early/mid 30s just for reference): 1. Your partner is not a partner if he is putting you under pressure and/or giving you ultimatiums such as "either we have a baby or we are done". That does not sound like a healthy partnership but more like a domination/manipulation game. Your partner should put your concerns and feelings into considerations and should not go by "my way or the highway". 2. Like others have said as well, a baby won't "fix things" or "let things fall into place". I don't have kids myself but have friends who do - and it is not an easy journey. You will have days when you will be tired, exhausted from sleepless nights etc. You need a real partner and be a team with him to care for the baby. It does not sound like your boyfriend is mature enough to have this kind of relationship (of course I am assuming this only from what you have told us here) if he puts you under pressure etc. That is not a partnership aka team work. 3. I totally agree with you: First things first! Find your own place in life first, find what you love to do, which job you want, what you are passionate about... if you do you, follow you, then "things will really fall into place" :) Then you will meet the right group of friends - and maybe find a more suitable partner :) A baby won't fix all these things! Much much love, make wise decisions! You are young, you have soooo many years left to have a family and find your path in life. I encourage you to make a tough decision now! Many hugs!

Definitely do what you know in your heart to be right. You said that you are not ready to have a baby. It is your body your choice. Your mental health is important and there is so much that comes with having a baby. Stress, financial hardship, and possibly postpartum depression. You want to make sure you are in a good place financially and when you feel ready in your heart then have a baby with someone who isn’t going to threaten to leave you with an ultimatum. That isn’t love.

@sweetcherryxx

This is something you really have to want because once you have a child your life will change forever. The children will come before anything else in your life. Regardless of what you want to do they come first no matter what. You are doing the right thing by waiting until you are ready for a child in your life. You are also right about being settled down and having a means of support for you and your family. I will be honest with you sit down with your boyfriend and tell him having a child will not make things better or come together as he said. Ask him this question does he realize the responsibility that comes with having a child. Does he realize that the child's needs comes before even his needs. Sounds like he doesn't really understand what it means to have children and what it takes to be a good parent and what it involves to really raise children. I hope this helps you because I was a teenager when my first child was born. I wasn't ready nor was my girlfriend. Hope you can convince your boyfriend to wait for the right time to have children. Good luck and you need to talk about it just message me back and I will get back to you.

@sweetcherryxx

Dear sweetcherryxx,

I understand both sides of this situation. He is getting older, and you guys don't seem prepared for this. Try to talk to him about this about first getting a place where you both live and can take care of a kid, have enough money and it might give you more time. I understand that you are not ready but he is... and that can be a problem. If you want, we can talk more privately about it if you will message me. :)

@sweetcherryxx thank you for sharing with the group! You have excellent intuition and thinking about this. It's important to put yourself first, grow your support circle, find the work or occupation that you want to have. In my opinion, It would be unhealthy for you to consider becoming a parent without having stable and sufficient income. Having children usually challenges, rather than eases relationships.... Even strong healthy relationships. In a mature and responsible relationship, I believe a partner would be focused on getting shared housing, and both partners having occupational success, before thinking of bringing another living being into the world. I also believe that you (and all women) deserve full commitment-- marriage-- well before becoming a parent/creating a family. Immature and irresponsible men can use baby making as a way to tether women to them into the future, or to gain access to benefits. Please be wary of that....

Lots of love to you, follow your gut feelings, talk to your mom and other close friends. If you're not 100% certain for a long time about having a child, it's not right to do. You have a very long time basically until age 40. And by that time your life can look exactly how you want it to look, and you may have very different partners in your life that can offer you more security, stability, support and commitment from now until then. ❤️

I'm so sorry you're going through this!!!

Sounds like he's very demanding and doesn't respect you or your feelings and thoughts on the matter and doesn't respect your boundaries.

If it were me I'd leave the realtionship you're the most important to listen too I know it can be difficult especially when you love him but it's you and you're body and life too. When someone says there not ready that is exactly what that means!!! He needs to back off let him leave! He needs to learn that he's not the only one who has a say so in anything..... sounds like he's pressuring you . I'm so sorry ❤❤❤❤❤