Struggling
Hi there. I’m new here & found this app online in a desperate search of trying to make myself feel better to anyone who will listen. I am struggling in my relationship with my bf of two years. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He treats me so well but yet I find myself being mean to the man. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years that involved a lot of cheating and drugs (on his part) and I feel like it’s stick with me forever. I’ve gone to therapy, taken medication & done what I could to get over that phase in my life. My father has also cheated on my mother pretty much throughout my whole childhood. So on my bad days, I get triggered and accuse my boyfriend of cheating on me when I KNOW he is not. I find myself being mean to him, being moody and very judgmental of my own self imagine too. I hate that I treat him this way and am looking for anything that could help me. I also struggle with self image and learning to love myself & my body. I also feel like I have a binge eating disorder that I don’t understand. Please, someone give me a little guidance. I’m losing faith.
@independentBeing6370 Hi! It sounds like it’s been a really, really tough time.. *big hug* to you if you are comfortable with that! I would maybe research insecure/anxious attachement and there try to find the pointers to your situation. It sounds like that could be the cause, maybe not. It really feels awful when we end up doing things we rather not do, but know it’s flight/fight/freeze response we’ve adapted to protect ourselves. It might not protect us in a way that we find helpful but understanding where its steming from and how it is playing out is the first step. And you’re already trying to understand yourself and seek out support - so be proud of yourself for that!! 🙏🏻💕
@independentBeing6370 I am sorry you were in a difficult relationship. That must have been rough,
Being mindful is a skill we can develop where rather than reflex reactions to our thoughts we can begin the preocess of being more aware of our thoughts and choosing what thoughts we care to follow. This is a gradual process and it takes time.
Mindfulness can be just following the breath and calming the mind that way, Here
you can listen to 300 mindfulness exercises that you can explore how to cope with anxiety and many others and net leave the 7 Cupd Site https://www.7cups.com/exercises/mindfulness/?showlist=1&utm_swu=9909&utm_campaign=New%20Member%20Drip&utm_source=Sendwithus&utm_content=Email%203%20-%20Just%20wanted%20to%20say%20hey
@independentBeing6370
I think I'm also going through something very similar :( I'm married but I feel like my husband doesn't understand the anxiety that I get when he travel for work, even though I don't think he's unfaithful to me. It's like just the fact that there's a greater probability gives me anxiety. I don't know how to explain it :/ what makes me feel worse is that he doesn't understand it and I feel like he doesn't do anything to reassure me. That it's not his job or his responsibility, but it doesn't make me feel safer either… I dont know what to do
@calmPenny5213 I have had that kind of experience long ago and it really did not help the relationship nor did it help me be happier. In fact it made me miserable. If there is nothing more you can do then why worry about it.
For me jealousy was based on thinking I was in a permanent relationship and as much as I want to believe that, relationships change. I cannot control other people.
I made a list of all the benefits and good things in that relationshp and they far outweigh the downside.
@independentBeing6370 I meant to include you to in my reply since it may be relevant to your situation.
@independentBeing6370 I don't know if this will be helpful at all, all I can really say is I understand how you feel. I was in a relationship of 8 years that consisted of neglect, mental and emotional abuse, being ignored all the time. So I get where you are coming from.
I really struggled in the relationship I was in for 3 years with thinking I was being ignored when I wasn't and having emotional outbursts because I learned from my past that having an outburst was how I got attention. And to be honest it wasn't easy managing these difficult deep-rooted traumas and issues. It was honestly really difficult. BUT I haven't had one recently and for me that is HUGE. HUGE. I try to watch alot of videos on managing emotions, being triggered, overthinking, I use this site to help me when I feel the emotions and need to talk about it.
basically my point is you can overcome the challenges you face even if it feels impossible. I'm still working on what is challenging for me and it's really hard. BUT I want to be a better person mentally and emotionally. I don't want what my past has given me to hinder me for the rest of my life. so yeah hope this helps
Everything's gonna be alright
Hey there, I hope you are feeling well.. You can connect with me. I'll listen you.. Thanks.. have a good day.. 😊🤗