Accepting that a former crush is a covert narcissist
Most recently, I decided to break free from a vicious cycle and accept that a former crush is a covert narc. I also accepted that he was abused me psychologically by creating a repeated cycle of love bombing>>>>>>disposing>>>>>>hoovering me back in. I also had a chance to talk about other things that he did and said which were harmful.
After talking about it, I have been feeling lots of anger and hurt which I know is ok. I realize that he's a very selfish person and he took advantage of me.
That's really sad I hope you doing good now...🖤🫂
You will get new beautiful kind people I wish I hope
And you will definitely
@Aaryan06
Hi:
First of all, it's been quite 9 years since I cut him loose and I have learned to live without him. The last time he tried to hoover me back in by trying to add me on social media. I had my guard up by asking him what he needed only to get a power play and manipulation. However, I made it clear that I had moved on with my life, talked to another friend about him, then he was blocked. From then on, we have not spoken. Rather, my biggest issue was the trauma bond that I was able to break.
What's left to do is work through the anger and hurt the right way.
Hey congrats! I know that's hard to do/Realize!
@persistentWatermelon4897
Thank you for your support. The thing is, I did not realize that I have had a lot of angry and hurt feelings that were packed up until I finally accepted that what he did to me was narcissistic abuse.
@Summershy
It takes a lot of bravery to leave a situation like you described. Living with someone who has narcissist traits can hurt the self-image and lead to a change in our own behavior. Recovery might take some time, know we are here for you! 💙
@amiablePeace77
Hi, we never lived together or dated. Rather he was someone who kept me around for entertainment and supply. Actually, I cut him off years ago and pretty much went no contact. However, it's usually before these two cons that I kept painting fantasy that we would bump into each other and things would get better. However, I decided to snap out of that and remind myself that he was abusive to me.
@Summershy
Good that you could snap out of it and started to protect yourself emotionally!
@amiablePeace77
My mind is back to where it was before I talked about how I was treated. However, the goal is to stay away from him during the con or most other events where he might be
@Summershy
Keeping distance might be very helpful!
@amiablePeace77
I listened to a couple of videos about fully breaking a trauma bond with him. A few things that stood out in one video
A. Asking yourself these questions and journaling about it
1. Why did I have the need to get into that relationship in the first place?
2. What was my need to stick around?
B. It's common to feel like you need to rescue them
A. However rescuing them is like rescuing a scorpian
B. That scorpian with sting you
3. Stop participating in activities associates with him
A. Following their pages
B.Looking at old photos
C. Deleting contact information
D. Watching TV shows
E. Participating in the same interests
I totally see myself in that person, looking into that from your perspective and from what I'm going through now is very similar. I'm dealing with a very hard break up but reading this made me realise maybe that's how she saw me and understand what she meant when she said I'm not healthy for her. Probably the best thing you (and she) could have done for yourself is to break the cycle. The only thing that is hurtful for me is that I wanted her to see how a different person I am now but I believe it's for the best. If he truly loved you he'll let you go and move on with your life
@bubbleBanana5971
I know the feeling and I wanted him to see some of my new interests at these cons. Still, I realize that he probably would not care about what I would like. Rather, he would probably pretend to like the same things I would so he could get me to hook in. However that depended on his desires to hoover and love bomb me.
Yeah, I think his issues (mine also) if I can say goes deeper than this relationship. Childhood trauma, the comfortable idea that you're there. So when things goes off with his life he runs back to the comfort place knowing it's always going to be there. The moment you move on specially if you start seeing other people the panic would start. I found myself understanding you and the fact you deserve peace and to move on. I think he needs help because that's what I see in myself. Wish you all the best and peace
@Summershy
One thing I forgot to mention is that I cut him lose almost 9 years ago and went no contact. However, my biggest issue was wanting to still see him during two conventions and possibly catch up. That being said, I had to burst so I could accept that he was narcissistic
My father is a narcissist..I get that
I had a similar situation and I couldn't believe what I was going through. I had to endure confusing situations, being embarrassed in public places and constantly withdrawing into myself. I also saw that I needed to distance myself from that person, but since then I've been in a bad state, practically blocked and constantly confused. I was bullied to make me afraid and lose my dignity - I became a person who is always available. I also often get angry but I can't get out of this when I'm alone. People have accepted that I'm withdrawn and that I don't meet my needs, I have no one to push me.
@Summershy Thank you for sharing!
I would love to hear more about how you deal with the feelings of anger and resentment 💜
@Amechell00
I did not realize that I was still mad at him until I talked about how he had treated me. However, I am getting back to drawing how I feel. That helps me get the anger out