Do You Fear Being the Abusive One in a Relationship?
I’m in the company of the sweetest and most compassionate person in the world but my old demons, fears, and behaviors come back to haunt me. My insecurities cause me to lash out and be erratic. I have some control as I never intend to say anything hurtful or cause any physical harm but my jealousy occasionally possesses and turns me into a fraction of a person I no longer want to be. Anyone else ever felt this way?
@carefulPenny2572
Hello!
I think it’s great that you recognize this within yourself.
Acknowledgement is huge.<3
Perhaps, it would be beneficial to work on ways
to improve self-control<3 💛✨
@carefulPenny2572 for me, I am not a saint. There are thoughts and emotions that flow through my awareness, but I am carefully monitoring them. I realize they are not "my" thoughts or emotions. They are more like weather patterns that I have no control over.
What I can do is when I start to notice angry thoughts or the voice raising in volume, I do a STOP and just halt the process. If needed I excuse myself and leave the room and go compose myself or tell them we can talk about it tomorrow.
It is only when we act on those thoughts and feelings that are not appropriate that we start to weaken the trust in a relationship. If you are at that point and self help is not working, would you consider a therapist? They can be someone on your team. Couple counseling is another way to clear the air, or bring things to a head.
Hope you find the support you need to get you through this situation.
carefulPenny2572
I'm sorry you're dealing with these things. Being borderline, this did resonate with me too. I somehow ended up in a relationship with the most amazing person. But because of my mood swings and anger issues, I do end up lashing at him verbally more often as I'd like to admit. I have no idea where he finds the strength to tolerate all that. You're definitely not alone feeling that way, and I do hope you both all the best in the future.
I can kind of relate, may be you should also look at why you get jealous, may be you have trust issues, caused sometimes by actions of others and sometimes caused by even your own actions.. May be you should try to look into it and work with yourself on that
