Trauma Community Forums Daily Check in - Friday 27th January 2017
Sorry guys that there have not been checkins for the last few days. Ive not been well physically and had forgotten to put these up for you :(
How were you all doing last week and do you have any plans for this coming week? Has it been a good week, a bad week or an okay week? Remember everyone has their good and bad days especially when dealing with trauma issues so please be kind to yourselves and don't give yourselves a hard time for being human and having emotions and feelings that sometimes get a little tough to deal with. We are here for you and this space is yours to share how you are, what you are doing to look after yourselves, what self care techniques have you been trying out this past week, any achievements, any thoughtful moments you have had on your healing journey etc This space is for all of you to offer your support to one another, and even share a moment of laughter if you wish :)
Ugh my therapist suggested I bring my parents in and open a dialogue about my trauma and my relationship with them. I'm afraid to even give it serious thought. She suggested that maybe he would admit what he did was wrong and admit he's ashamed. That would bring me any comfort, an apology only would feel like an insult to me. Perhaps it's a matter pf growth and strength. Whatever the case, I not ready to take that step.
@Shadeshack And thats okay Shade if you do not feel ready to do that or even want to do that. Anything you do decide has to be about your needs and if suggestions are made, think about how does it benefit you and what the realistic outcome would be of any action taken. Always put your needs first, not the needs of anyone else. You may get an apology or you may not, its always a difficult one as many abusers struggle in accepting responsibility for their actions, because in doing that, they also then have to accept the damage done as a result of the abuse. Some abusers may apologise but if you got an apology how do you think this would change things for you?
@dancingRainbow45
If I did receive and apology, It wouldn't make me feel any better. It would feel like an insult because then I would be expected to accept the apology and make amends. How do you make amends after some did something so horrible? If anyone has experience with this I would like to hear it.
@Shadeshack I think for some people getting an apology is more about the other person having taken responsibility for their actions, the abuse not being denied, and the survivor not being made out to be a liar etc. An apology never excuses or justifies the abuse at all. Some people once they get an apology feel able to move on and deal with other issues that they need to work through rather than get caught up with wanting the abuser to acknowledge what they did. Again everyone is different and for some they already know that they would never get an apology etc.
@Shadeshack
I understand what you mean about being expected to accept and make amends. Another way to look at it is like what DancingRainbow said. My dad so vehemently denied everything he did in every family session I was forced to have in each facility they threw me in, that if he ever even just admitted I wasn't lying, that would be huge. It wouldn't change how I feel toward him, but it would be nice to have him say out loud for once that I wasn't lying, he was the one lying.
This week was alright. Yesterday really sucked though and I didn't get out of work until after 8, and then I kinda had a meltdown. I'm working full time and I'm in 15 credit hours and sometimes it's just too much. I cried the whole way home, I sat in my car crying once I got home, and I barely made it inside. So I texted my therapist because I have no one else to even text when I'm overwhelmed and I didn't know what else to do. At least I have her. I know I probably shouldn't text her like I do but I don't have anyone else 😕
@BeeLeigh Im sorry yesterday was a bad day for you but at least you felt able to reach out to your therapist. I know you kind of feel guilty for doing so, but if your therapist has agreed for you to text her when things are difficult then Im sure she would not have minded you doing this. There are people here who you can always talk to if you need :) Also is there a good friend who knows some of what you are going through that perhaps could be another option for you to reach out to, if your having a bad time?