Trauma Support Community Check-in: Thursday-Friday 15-16 April 2021
The Second Arrow - > - >
The Buddha was gathering with his closest followers.
He asked, "If someone is hit by an arrow in her chest, what would she feel ?"
"A lot of pain" they answered.
"And what would happen if she is hit by a second arrow in the same spot ?" asked the Buddha.
"Her suffering would be much stronger".
So said the Buddha, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The pain of the second arrow can be moderated.”
Many of us suffer much when we experience a flashback, a nightmare, or painful intrusive thoughts. Despite coping techniques, like grounding, we will experience pain. Sometimes, a lot of pain.
This is the first arrow, the arrow of pain.
Afterward, we could feel miserable for been subject to these symptoms of our Trauma. We might think "I am a mess", "My life is miserable", "This will never stop", "Mine is a future of pure pain". These thoughts will cause us much suffering, for much longer, on top of the first event.
This is the second arrow, the arrow of suffering
We can stop this second arrow.
From the Sallatha Sutta, taught by the Buddha, c.500 BC
Questions
- How are you feeling these days ?
- What do you do to stop suffering after a symptom of Trauma has passed?
- What else could you do ?
I look forward to your comments, and wish you all the best !
Marcelo.
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Love the message! 1Today I'm pretty down. I've been better. 2 I smoke a cigarette and try to distract myself (not the best) I will pray too! That helps! 3 pray more
@astingbee
I'm glad that you liked the idea of the "Two Arrows".
Thank you for the compliment !
I am sorry you feel down. We all have our ups and downs... Be patient.
Distracting yourself is great. Smoking one or two cigarettes is OK. But not too many ! Change to chocolate instead...
Praying is a practice of the highest value. In the context we are talking about, it gives you perspective about the bad things that happen to us. We see our painful, limited human existence, as part of something much higher, vast, and meaningful.
And it gives us (much needed) hope.
All the best !
Marcelo.
Love this post. Really made me think about my reactions. I am feeling really overwhelmed these days, trying to find what will work for me. Unfortunately, I usually drink to stop the pain. I could reach out to someone
@anonyBirch3807
I am glad that you liked the idea.
Thank you for the compliment !
Share your feelings and thoughts often in this Community. Ask for suggestions. Learn from the experiences of others.
If you think you are drinking too much, don't even think about it, go immediately to your local Alcoholic Anonymous group before it gets worse.
Don't wait until it becomes a habit.
And, yes, you could write a list of people to call when you feel bad. When the time comes, talk to them. About anything. Just make contact.
Thank you for participating in this check-in !
All the best !
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat
I understand about the arrow of judgment and defeat. It was a good post
I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood to answer the questions. I'm sick of vivid and painful nightmares.
@Kimmkimm
Dear Kimmy:
Thank you for reading the post, for seizing the idea, and for your kind compliments.
Your words are precious to me.
That you took the trouble to participate in this check-in, even feeling so bad, has a huge value.
I sincerely wish with all my soul, that those nightmares decrease in intensity, and you start feeling better. As soon as possible.
You are always in my thoughts.
Marcelo.
- How are you feeling these days ? I've been having a difficult time lately, I've been feeling more stressed and overwhelmed. I'm taking some breaks to help process some of the emotions that's been building up so I'm feeling better now.
- What do you do to stop suffering after a symptom of Trauma has passed? This is a difficult one as the past pain sometimes get triggered unexpectedly. But normally, I try to enjoy my time and be more in the moment and enjoy the little things.
- What else could you do ? I liked the chibird comics that get posted in these threads and I looked up the website for more. I really like the site and I've been going through the comics a few times today and to repeat the supportive messages to myself.
@purpleWheel873
I'm sorry that you have been having a difficult time lately, stressed and overwhelmed. You are wise to take breaks to help process emotions. I'm glad that, thanks to your wise decisions, you are feeling better now.
You are right to seek refuge in the present moment. I the little things. The present moment is almost always made of little things. If we focus and appreciate them, we might discover that they are great things: they are Reality.
The past is problematic, and it does no longer exist. The future brings worries, and it doesn't exist either. The little things that exist in the present are our true refuge.
Chibird.com is an excellent choice to calm down and feel better, because it is engaging, adorable and uplifting.
Chibird comics are amazing ! I wonder how a single artist (Jacqueline) can create so many cute drawings, with such a vast amount of motivating, wise messages.
And she is so generous to post all her work online for free. She has motivated and uplifted millions of people. She's a real saint !
All the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat Thanks Marcelo. Yes, the present is good when I focus on it. Chibird is really cute :) the author is great
- How are you feeling these days ? Lonely, frustrated, scared, and honestly stuck and blah.
- What do you do to stop suffering after a symptom of Trauma has passed? I usually stay busy in something, but my carpal tunnel has made it hard to do anything/
- What else could you do ? Movies, play with cats, go for a walk, pray
@Rebekahwriter13
Hi Rebekah !
I wish that you soon get back to feeling better, more energetic, creative, and productive.
You know you can.
You know you will.
Regarding your carpal tunnel, I insist on dictation software, like GDocs Voice Type: https://youtu.be/xRCgQ7Vfj_M
Movies, playing with your cats, going for a walk, and praying are all powerful activities to calm down and feel better.
Congratulations on that !
Thank you for participating in this check-in !
All the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat, Hello! No wonder, there's a quote about suffering being optional. Anyway, great topic!
- How are you feeling these days ?
It's a mix between excitement and fear. I am trying to face the school work that I always avoid. Lol
- What do you do to stop suffering after a symptom of Trauma has passed?
It depends. Sometimes, I spend time with my brother. He has a gentle aura that somehow comforts my mind.
- What else could you do ?
Playing video games!! I have to set a timer sometimes because it can be addicting..
Have a nice day.
@SnippyHam
Hi Ham !
How nice seeing you again !
Thank you for participating in this check-in !
Regarding the school work, as the Nike motto says, "Just do it."
You are blessed with a good, comforting brother. Appreciate and be thankful for that !
Oh, yes, video games are designed to become addictive.
They are wonderful as long as you control the time playing (not them) so they don't take all of your day.
All the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
hi
Im alright im getting better though so that good!
I usually calm dowm by taking deep breathes( bc i get flashbacks) and listen to calm music to bring me back
sometimes i just close my eyes or i try to draw to take my mind off it
@sweetsophia1222
Dear Sophia:
I am glad you are well, and improving.
Deep breathing and listening to calm music are powerful practices to tranquilize yourself. I can't think of any better.
Drawing is good as a second stage, once you are calmer. It focuses your mind on a soothing activity and tunes your brain to a healthy brainwave.
Even simple doodling is enough.
Some time ago, I posted a check-in about an especially soothing form of drawing, designed with that purpose.
It is called "Zentangle".
You can check it and download some books HERE
I hope you like it !
All the best !
Marcelo.
- How are you feeling these days ?
In and out. Partly here but partly there. As well as neither here nor there.
- What do you do to stop suffering after a symptom of Trauma has passed?
Due to certain traumas and certain repeats of such traumas, its hard to tell it apart from the first arrow. Certain traumas I have been revictimized by others. I prefer to be the surivior that I am. Although mutiple times aint fun. And then that other thing that I struggle to talk about that too has me messed up.. How many here due to their trauma suffer with seizures?? myotonic like seizures?? Because of the trauma and being revictimized it is hard.
- What else could you do ?
I am seeking therapy outside neruology because of the seizures.. hopefully that helps. really feeling alone with them.
@Mmhuebnermmm
Hi !
We all have our ups and downs, our in and outs...
We have to be patient.
I understand that myoclonic seizures are a neurological problem. You might ask in the forums if another Trauma survivor experiences them too. You can talk about it freely here. This is a very caring community, and people will respect you and be kind to you.
Therapy is hugely beneficial. It will help you a lot.
I wish you all the best !
Marcelo.
@WelcomeToChat
I am trying hard to not say something that might trigger others. I am still learning the fine line of trigger warnings.
@Mmhuebnermmm
Just write before your text the following: ****** Trigger Warning *****
After that warning, you can write anything you want, as long as it is not a very detailed description of a terrible situation.
The rule says; *No graphic, in depth descriptions or pictures which could be triggering for others*
You can read all the rules specific to this community HERE
Marcelo.
Hi @WelcomeToChat!
Hi @WelcomeToChat!
Questions
- How are you feeling these days ?
Kind of in over my head. I've had a lot of overwhelming feelings and nightmares lately.
- What do you do to stop suffering after a symptom of Trauma has passed?
I try to acknowledge the trauma happened, and find a way to accept it instead of wallowing in it if that makes sense?
- What else could you do ?
I could acknowledge it sooner, rather than try to block out the feelings. I could acknowledge I've had several traumatic experiences the past two years, and I still get nightmares from stuff from a decade ago. Acknowledge it wasn't okay. Pretending the first arrow didn't exist is maybe like adding a second arrow "It wasn't that bad" "I should be over it" But pain is pain, and it's okay to admit that.
Thanks for the check in!