Trauma Support Community Check-in: Wednesday-Thursday 24-25 March 2021
Hello community ❤️
Today's check-in is about boundaries ❤️ As usual, the check-in is optional, so feel free to simply tell us about how you've been ❤️
One of absolute favourite activities has always been kite-flying. I loved feeling the wind in my face and watching the kite I released into the wind fly. Some of these kites I made myself, with the carefully drawn little cherry blossoms. I wished I could be a kite, and soar in the wind too. Except, of course, when the string broke, because that's when the kite flies out of control, and tumbles back down. In fact, the string is precisely the one keeping the kite steady and stable.
Sometimes, in order to fly, you have to have a string in place, firmly attaching you to solid ground. A routine, some rules, some restrictions, all of these give us a structure that only seems burdensome. Not all of these are fun either. Self-care can feel like a waste of time, and limiting screentime can make for some really boring nights. Why can't showering wait until I feel like it?
On some days, yes, giving yourself the freedom to laze around and rest is important. But settings some guidelines for yourself to follow is equally important in establishing a healthy routine. Boundaries in our everyday life are necessary because they set us up for success by setting aside time and space for us to work on the things that will help us in the long run ❤️
Some examples of good boundaries include:
1. Setting down times for you to focus on something that makes you happy. Lay down your worries and baggage for just 15 minutes, and let yourself enjoy the present
2. Have a set list of basic tasks you have to do every day, even when things get tough. (Brushing your teeth, showering, eating, drinking enough water, a walk outside for fresh air, etc)
3. Say no when you want to ❤️ It's okay to cancel those plans if you need a night to yourself ❤️
4. Set aside at least an hour a week for self-care
Questions:
1. How are you? ❤️
2. What are some boundaries you currently have?
3. What are some boundaries you could adopt that would help you?
4. What is one thing that made you smile today?
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@hopebeyondpain, Hi!
1. How are you? ❤️
Feeling adventurous. It's midnight in my time zone, and I don't want to sleep yet. :D A single footstep is enough to surprise me!
2. What are some boundaries you currently have?
I have set boundaries with my parents. It helps develop trust to oneself.
3. What are some boundaries you could adopt that would help you?
A boundary in communication could help me. I really dislike the fact that I felt overwhelming joy whenever someone tried to befriend me because I would felt a huge disappointment if something goes wrong in that encounter.
4. What is one thing that made you smile today?
Myself. ;) My thoughts and actions today make me smile.
Have a nice day!
@SnippyHam
Hey there ❤️ It sounds like you had a lot of fun, hehe 😆
I'm proud if the progress you've made! It's so important to learn build that trust, so keep going! Connection is important to all of us too, and it's normal to be really happy when someone wants to form a relationship with you, or really upset if it doesn't go according to plan ❤️ I want you to know that you are the same person before and after talking to someone. Having one bad interaction with someone doesn't mean that they won't want to be your friend anymore, or that your value as a person has suddenly been diminished. I like to think about it this way: If I accidentally dropped some money into some mud, the value of the money hasn't changed. I might be reluctant to touch it, but once I wash off the mud and the money is clean, it's value remains the same ❤️ It's the same for all of us ❤️ One bad move doesn't define who we are as people
Awww, your words made me smile! That's the spirit ❤️ Thank you for checking in with us today, it was so lovely to hear from you ❤️ Take care, and I hope you'll have a nice day too!
1. How are you? ❤️ I feel like I am in emotional cement. (My uncle has a very negative, toxic influence on me. I feel worst when I am around it.)
2. What are some boundaries you currently have? it's harder with my condense living situation. I also have no way to enforce these boundaries with others. As for myself, my boyfriend and I try to encourage each other to move forward.
3. What are some boundaries you could adopt that would help you? I need to push myself like I should take a shower today as I did not yesterday.
4. What is one thing that made you smile today? My boyfriend called me beautiful.
@Rebekahwriter13
Hey there ❤️ You can do this, Rebekah, you will get through this ❤️ In the words of Dory: just keep swimming ❤️ I believe in you
I understand ❤️ It's also perfectly okay to do it halfway if you want to, we can take things one step at a time. It sounds like you and your boyfriend really support each other, and that's amazing to hear ❤️ Having a healthy relationship with someone you can rely on when you need to is truly a blessing ❤️
That's a great step! The little things count, and it's a really helpful start towards establishing healthy rhythms and routines ❤️ Of course, there's no need to worry if you can't get there at first, these changes can take time ❤️
Aww, that's really sweet of him, and I'm sure he's 100% right ❤️ Thank you for checking in with us today, it was really good to hear from you ❤️ Take care, Rebekah, and I hope you'll have a lovely day ❤️
1. How are you? ❤️
I don't feel good. I finished a novel called Le assaggiatrici by Rosella Postorino. It talked about a woman who was among a group of women who were forced to taste Hitler's meals to make sure his meals were not poisoned. The heroine in that novel felt that she couldn't feel the taste of the food and can't enjoy it, I think she felt that she was forced in everything she did at this time even with her secret lover because he forced her to be with him as he was a Nazy officer. she felt ashamed and afraid till the last days of her life when she decided to talk about this hard experience. After finishing the novel I remembered a time in my life that I did a lot of things I didn't like because I was sure I am a bad person and don't deserve to be with good people. I am now like the heroine of the novel alone and can't forgive myself.
2. What are some boundaries you currently have?
Reading.
3. What are some boundaries you could adopt that would help you?
I don't know but I have to think abut having new ones but I can't help myself.
4. What is one thing that made you smile today?
Nothing.
@DinaElwy
Hey there ❤️ This sounds like a really awful situation to be stuck in, I'm really sorry to hear it ❤️ There are often many things in our lives that we come to regret. I know I've made many mistakes in mine ❤️ Still, no matter how much guilt we feel, or how much time we spending mulling over what we should have done instead, the past is something we cannot change. It is normal to be ashamed of yourself for the mistakes you made, but it won't help you ❤️ The only things we can change are the choices ahead of us. You might have done things you didn't like in the past, but you can choose now to do something you know you can be proud of. You are not powerless like this woman was, and you now have the power to decide what you want to do with all of these negative emotions
Of course, focusing on making better choices and forgiving yourself are two different things. Forgiveness can be so tricky because of how sticky shame is. We may decide to forgive ourselves today, but then feel guilty again after thinking about it tomorrow. In its simplest forms, forgiveness is a commitment to let go of the blame. There's no set way to do it, and everyone's path is different, but you can certainly share more about how you've been doing and ask for suggestions in the forums if you like ❤️
Here's the forgiveness self-help guide for your reference: https://www.7cups.com/forgiveness/
Reading is something a really enjoy ❤️ I'm glad to hear that this is something that keeps you grounded and helps you too ❤️
It's okay to not know what to start working on ❤️ The self-doubt is really difficult, but you'll only know if it's true after you try it ❤️ Go ahead and give is a go, it might not turn out as badly as you think. Some simple ones are establishing self-care routines, and allowing yourself to rest when you need it ❤️
Thank you for checking in with us today ❤️ Take care, my friend, and I hope you'll have a nice day
@hopebeyondpain
1. How are you? ❤️
I think I'm neutral? I've been feeling a breakdown coming for almost a week now, but it hasn't happened yet, so I'm just sort of walking on emotional eggshells, for lack of better phrasing, yet at the same time sort of functioning on autopilot...
I'm also a little disappointed, because in my psychology class I asked what exactly causes PTSD, and was essentially told it's unclear, which I understand, but I'm the kind of person that feels more comforted if I can have an explanation for something, so it was slightly disheartening to not have any extra information.
2. What are some boundaries you currently have?
I refuse to look at/answer my phone once I go to bed, I don't tolerate aggression toward me or people I care about, and I don't give in to pressure if I don't want to do something. I've also started setting aside an hour or two before bedtime for me to relax and wind down, but it doesn't seem to be helping mitigate nightmares as I had hoped it would, so I'm not sure about that one.
3. What are some boundaries you could adopt that would help you?
I would like to be able to speak up and point out why it's wrong when my dad says something prejudiced (the rest of my family disagrees with him but he's very unfriendly to argue with and won't hear anything contrary to his views), but the issue is that I'm extremely financially dependent on my parents, and I don't know if arguing with him would result in less financial support, and since I'm getting married as a college student, I can't afford to lose that support :/ it's effectively a choice between emotional distress (not being able to argue but wanting to) or financial distress, and since financial distress can cut chances of survival (if I can't afford rent or groceries), it's kind of a forced choice.
4. What is one thing that made you smile today?
My roommate is visiting her family so I have the room to myself temporarily, which is nice (naps/bedtime whenever I want since I get to control the lights!). I'm going to go to my favorite restaurant today for lunch, which is fun. My fiance and I are going to tour an apartment this weekend so I'm hoping that goes well. Ooh - & my wedding dress came in recently! <3
Sending safe hug vibes :)