Traumatic Experiences Community Check-In Wednesday-Thursday 5-6 August 2020
Good morning everyone! I do hope all of you are well. The topic for todays check-in is self esteem. Following a traumatic life event, harshness and self-hatred frequently arise; which is fed by the damage trauma has exacted upon our self-esteem. People also commonly believe that had they been faster, smarter, fought harder, yelled louder, or had tried harder to be a better person, that the trauma would not have occurred. These beliefs are inaccurate yet understandable under the circumstances. We often think about the what ifs.
These beliefs cause damage by creating what appears to be a logical conclusion that since the trauma did occur, one must have deserved or caused it. By thinking one deserved or caused the traumatic experience, they are also implying that all of the shame and self-hatred they feel is warranted as well. These beliefs slowly chip away at our self-esteem often creating harsh opinions of ourselves to the point where the self-loathing can become unbearable and paralyzing. This can very well lead a person to want to hide, disappear, apologize for their existence, or desperately try to prove that they are worthy.
How then would we go about reversing this downward spiral into the dark abyss?
The first step to take would be to Identify and Challenge those negative beliefs. Once identified one can search for evidence contradicting those beliefs.
The second step would be Identifying the positive within oneself. Positive internal dialogues is a major part of improving ones self esteem.
The third step would be to not only build positive relationships but to also avoid negative ones. If there are others in our lives who affect us negatively or make us feel bad about ourselves the natural response would be to avoid these people. Sometimes that is easier said than done as we often find ourselves forced to live with individuals who have this affect on us.
Another step would be to give ourselves a break. We dont have to be perfect all of the time. We dont even have to feel good about ourselves all of the time. We all experience times when we are feeling down or discouraged; times when we find it more difficult to maintain our self-beliefs.
Being assertive and knowing when to say No is an important step to improve self-esteem. Oftentimes people with low self-esteem will find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others. This usually creates stress and makes everything harder to manage. Developing your assertiveness can therefore help to improve your self-esteem.
Dont be afraid to take on new challenges. Individuals with low self-esteem sometimes avoid challenging and difficult situations. This does not mean to go out and try to do everything oneself. Part of the challenge may even be to seek help when help is needed. Doing this challenges those negative beliefs and as such improves ones self-esteem.
One cannot expect to see their self esteem drastically improved overnight. This is a process that tends to show positive progression in small increments. There will be times when the individual back steps into having negative thoughts again. All one can do when that happens is pick themselves back up and try to think more positively. Once this becomes a habit and we find ourselves doing this daily we will come to realize that what is habitual becomes ritual.
Before I end this check-in I will ask these questions of you, but keep in mind answering them is optional:
1. How are you feeling?
2. How do you challenge negative thoughts about yourself?
3. What topic(s) would you like for me to cover in a future check-in?
As always I wish you all a greater today than yesterday in hopes of a better and brighter tomorrow!!!
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@Understandingempath
I'm feeling ok, its tough right now as the end of the month gets closer.
I fight the thoughts by getting help from my Family and cups friends. I feel guilt sometimes
Topic: idk Exactly but mabey something along the lines of mis placed blame, dealing with anger towards the people who may have hurt us.
@Fireskye13
I am glad you are feeling okay. I'm sorry to hear that you struggle so much as the month progresses. I actually did my last check in on guilt to pave the way for this self-esteem checkin. The two subjects go hand in hand as guilt is among the main reasons for the development of a negative inner monologue. I'm glad your family and the people on this platform are able to help you so much. Misplaced blame is a great topic to cover and one that I have suffered from in the past. I will do this topic next Wednesday. Thank you so much for participating in this check-in!
@Understandingempath
Thank you 💗.
the saying no actually really touched home, in my house I'm the one everyone else tell what to do, I don't have much say n anything.
@Fireskye13
That was quickly happening to me as well. That's ultimately why I moved far away from the people I needed to say no to. After many years being away I went back and finally just stood my ground. Being alone in a foreign place taught me many lessons especially in regards to my own strength. That voice saying "no" finally came out during that time away and did wonders for me. I hope you find that voice within as well.
@Understandingempath
My Family says it best for me and that I don't understand.
@Understandingempath
Ima glad you were able to get away and stand up for yourself that's pawsome.
@Fireskye13
I do hope in time you are also able to do the same.
@Fireskye13
Anger and blame are normal. I hope you feel better soon and the month gets better for you. Hugs.
@Understandingempath
Self esteem is one of the most important factors in any individual.I wanna thank you for the below statement in your post:
Being assertive and knowing when to say No is an important step to improve self-esteem. Oftentimes people with low self-esteem often find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others
However often people misunderstand self esteem as something else and this misunderstanding creates a fear or self doubt in the individuals mind stopping progress overall and indirectly getting more and more depressed
I did an internship a few years back with a sports firm back in the UK which happened to be a volunteer organisation. This organisation was helping people with anxiety, depression, trauma etc to move ahead in life and career through the medium of sports. However the biggest challenge I had was to understand whether the individual is under what stage trauma and the fear of the individual to accept his or her issue.
Online forums and posts are very helpful, however not everybody takes it up to confront or talk to others letting them know about their traumatic and depressive behaviour. I myself am going through a depressive phase in this covid-19 situation and have checked upon many online mental health websites as self help. My relative was diagnosed with PTSD and I had seen her in lots of pain for many many years. However PTSD is something very extreme and I spoke to a few people who definitely helped me boost my confidence. However I still dunno how can anyone understand if he or she is just depressed or has PTSD. Do share your feedback or any self check forum if available at your end.
@abigailwenderson
Depression and PTSD go hand in hand; in many cases depression is a symptom of PTSD. This Covid pandemic in itself can cause PTSD in many people especially those who are infected by the virus or those who have lost someone close as a result of infection. This being said PTSD doesn't just develop overnight. It takes the right environment for the disorder to set in and grow worse over time if it goes unchecked. We all suffer some sort of trauma throughout our lives and no traumatic event outweighs another as each traumatic experience has the ability to affect us in very similar ways. I personally can not tell anyone if they are simply depressed or whether they suffer from PTSD. I'm not certified to make such assertions. What I can say is it may be worth soliciting the opinion of a more certifiable source.
The saying "No" statement is likely the one thing I have always had trouble with. For several years I simply didn't know the word. This evolved to the extent that my whole life seemed to be intertwined with my job. I would volunteer for every work event simply because I was asked to and did not feel I could say no. After years of doing that I realized I was taking all of this time away from myself. The level of stress from having no time to rest away from work was often brutal. I wouldn't say my self-esteem was lacking but I did feel as if I had something to prove. So it is in fact very much related to self-esteem. Feeling the need to constantly prove our own abilities and show everyone we're good people. It took alot for me to finally learn to say no.
Fear and self doubt are contributing factors to depression and are undoubtedly two of the most common roadblocks to success in life. I personally use positive affirmations when I feel any sort of doubt. The voice of fear I find is always there and to combat it I focus more attention on the possible positive outcomes of every situation I feel fear in. Kind of like being prepared for the worst but expecting the best out of every situation. The truth of the matter usually lies between those two.
There will be some people who will never discuss their traumatic experiences or the repercussions felt on their account. It is hard to get others to open up about these things and it is actually best to allow those individuals to open up when they are comfortable doing so. It's not that we can't get them to open up about past traumatic events. It's often damaging to the individual who experienced the trauma to retell of that event when another is prying for that information. It can even feel like an interrogation, which in itself could cause more post traumatic issues. This does make it hard for individuals whose job is to find out this information. Many times there is a fear of knowing, like when a person fears a diagnosis because all of a sudden now there is a label for what's wrong with them. This often leads to that individual feeling like they have been thrown into a group that nobody wants to be in. This can make acceptance of a diagnosis difficult to process.
PTSD can be extreme but many times it does not start off that way. Its a gradual process which if unchecked can constantly become more debilitating over the course of time. I want to thank you for participating in this check-in. I really like your reply.
Today, I am feeling physically sore because I decided to start exercising again. Mentally, I am okay overall. When I think about details in my life, I start feeling overwhelmed with fear, sadness, and anxiety, but as long as I let those thoughts rest in the background, I actually feel okay. I suppose that is how I have been dealing with negative thoughts lately. I try my best to let them go. Talking it out with my therapist helps too because she can guide me to reason. Also taking care of myself by simple things like exercising a little, eating, bathing (seems simple, but they are things I have struggled with) is a way to build some reserve and feel better about myself which helps to fight negative thoughts.
@zeravat119
I am so happy to hear you are trying so hard to make these positive changes in your life. I really wish you the best on this pursuit. The way you trap those negative thoughts and keep them in the background, I'm really glad to hear you are able to keep those thoughts in check. It's easy to forget to eat or take adequate care of ourselves. Missing a meal or two happens to us sometimes. Self care is number one though. When it comes right down to it we are among the only ones we can always depend on to have our personal interests at heart. I really hope this progress continues going forward and I hope you have a wonderful evening.
@zeravat119
I love the way you take care of yourself. Hope your week is great!
@Understandingempath
1. How are you feeling?
Ok. Hopeful and happy. Just very tired from long stretches working in the hospital
2. How do you challenge negative thoughts about yourself?
I try to disprove them when I can. And remind myself of instances that disprove them.
3. What topic(s) would you like for me to cover in a future check-in?
idk??? Tips for battling anxiety.
@BraveAdventurer
I want to thank you again for all the work you are doing. I do hope you are given time to rest and focus on self care. It's awesome that you are able to disprove the negative thoughts you have. I hope this trend continues moving forward. I will do a post on ways to battle anxiety in the near future. Thank you so much for participating in the check-in today and I do hope you have a wonderful rest of your day my friend.
