Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In: November 11th, 2019

Today is the first day at my new workplace after relocating to a new city. Very scared I

1. I am feeling okay today. I keep having anxiety-filled weekends. I think it's because I spend the weekend at my boyfriend's house. I love him to bits, but I think I'm slowly realizing that having alone time is more valuable to me than I ever initially thought. Having my own space is something new to me: growing up with an abusive mother meant I had absolutely no privacy, and being poor and struggling to make ends meet outside my mom's house meant couch crashing and staying wherever I could fit. I've been living with my brother since January and I had my own room, my own private space, really truly, for the first time. I think now that my brain has had a taste of it, I get really anxious and flustered and even grumpy when I feel like I don't have a space to rest. That being said, if I work all weekend and then go straight to someone else's house (where I only have a few things of my own, like soap and a toothbrush, etc.) it puts me in that headspace from before. My boyfriend is wonderful; we're going to move in together soon and he has INSISTED that I do WHATEVER I need to feel as at home as possible. He even said he's gonna build me a canopy for my bed, so that I can have a blanket fort all the time (he's good with woodwork). He is so selfless and generous, and every time I fret about taking away his space and making sure he has enough, he just reminds me that literally all he cares about is his entertainment and technology setup-- and also making sure I feel at home. All the same, I think I'm going to have some moments to myself before I rush over to his house from now on.

2. My Monday is weird! That's one reason I'm on 7cups right now. It's Veteran's day, and the way my job is structured, only some of us have off-- so I'm in a mostly-empty office. There are hiccups at work that are out of my control (but are stressful nonetheless) and I've got leftover feelings of guilt and anxiety from this weekend, where I really annoyed my boyfriend by being flustered and needy for aforementioned reasons. Haha. I'm gonna go home and take sufficient time to wind down before I begin anything else. Who knew it was this important?

Thanks for letting me talk. My best friend's mother took me in after I fled my abusive situation, and she became the mother I never had. She was an angel to me, and she always knew what would make me feel better, or what would ultimately help me. Once I had an upset stomach, and she brewed me a dandelion tea that took away my ill almost instantly. She's a big user of holistic medicine, despite working in an Emergency Room for many, many years. When her son (my friend) was young and diagnosed with severe (debilitating!) asthma, she was concerned about the amount of medicine he would have to be administered, having seen the adverse effects that it had on other sick children she cared for, and how their parents lamented their child's dosages. So she buckled down, taught herself as much as she could about holistic healing, and took care of him. She restricted his diet (cutting out specific junk foods or artificial substitutes that aggravated asthma), crafted herbal pills, teas, and rubs (like Vick's!) and administered the medicine prescribed by the hospital in a fraction of the initial dosage. Doctors said he'd never be able to play sports, would have to use his inhaler all his life, and take multiple medicines daily-- he went on to play baseball, soccer, football, water polo and hockey for several years, all throughout school-- never uses his inhaler (though it's always in his backpack on standby with his Epipen-- just in case) and is as strong as an ox (I once saw him lift an entire fridge by himself and carry it a pretty long distance). The rest of the family calls her a witch; I call her wonderful.

Hi. Today I am feeling hopeful but very tired. I feel isolated from working at home. It's hard not to feel lonely when I'm staring at my own 4 walls all day. I do get out sometimes but I kind of feel a weight dragging me down a lot of the time. On the good side I've been doing well in therapy for the abuse I experienced as a child. I'm slowly learning that it wassn't my fault and I can be kind to myself.

I think I'm just craving connection more than anything else. I haven't posted here in a while but the need to connect is bringing me back. I'm realizing how important community and support is although it's hard for an introvert like me to find that. Anywat thanks for listening and I hope you are all having a great day