Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday March 17th 2018,
I have three little words for you today. Theyre ones that can be greeted with joy, sometimes fear, other times confusion, in fact a whole gamut of emotions. So here goes, three little words, brace yourselves.......
How are you?
So often I hear people expressing guilt at any other response than fine, or happy. But humans have such an array of emotions, being happy is only a small part of that. So dont feel guilty if youre not. Youre just being human!
Theres some debate, even amongst the finest minds, about how many basic human emotions there are. Some say four, others six, seven, even ten. But four basic ones are happiness, sadness, fear and anger. The point is, happiness is just a small part of what we can feel, so never feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Ah yes, guilt, one of those less positive feelings we harbour, often in abundance once trauma has been part of your life.
So, back to those three little words, and be honest about your answer. Theres a whole community here beside you.
How are you?
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@Rain45 @Avaray @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @raycascotch @KatieMoon1 @Tamba @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana @inventiveOrange1 @HearingYourHeart @TreesandWine @guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69 @sheaintgotnoshoes @rationalWillow8882 @DeborahUK @AMusicalSilence @catsith @energeticPenny8 @Rebekahwriter13 @behindhazeleyes @sensitiveShade5337 @singercrystalspirit @wittyTree8219 @Ocendade @Rpjrx @Brooke12 @tenacity37 @Raveninthelabrynth @Axeman53 @kkSp3nc3 @blissedNblessed @Softforesthsp77 @AriannaPink @sereneSoul23 @promisemehope @IPreferWinter @Zombii @Godborned @Jessica86 @resourcefulPond1641 @Lilibuth12 @Tir @Michelle0608 @The_Final_Chapter @Halogen @BubblegumPuppy68 @ScarletPear1945 @CaloenasNicobarica @Hoxenos @Christine1980 @TheresaWilliams @Compassionatelistener108 @LovelyChantel @Pureriver56 @unassumingSummer6022 @Reedrainshimmer @resourcefulPond1642 @Kuma0187 @NonHoPaura @courageousNorth9872 @NacienteLuz @Waterlily16 @Helpfulsoul64 @TheHoneyDoll @Saif1for1Resilience @butters45 @purpleWest8143 @silverIceCream21 @Dandelionmoon @Bumblebee16 @consciousawakening @Shaiya365 @archerzvy @JJi @CopingwithTrauma @musicheals61 @disneynerd23 @ScarletPear1945 @Longday08 @sittinginahoneymoon @Quietbeach @loyalYard9488 @thatdramaticsoprano @understandingJackfruit9057 @amiableZebra3993 @Waterstreams057 @placidFriend3007 @AndreT@orchard9786 @Myosotis17 @sociableSailboat9634 @Calmlake1999 @emotionalMaple9419 @calmballoon3183 @disneynerd23 @MomRNFNP @Pdanziger @easymap6620 @MoreThanAConqueror18 @candyhaunt @namelessgirl99 @plumLake851 @streamoftears @quixoticRaven @Redhawk6547 @Sk1ttles @Shayc1 @Samdoc99 @Mikathewolfdog @Tacomytaco @stella17 @blinkk @PaperCrane1123 @Equalnotabove @felicia96 @CartoonDarling @Tayboi @Compassion21 @lilblackcat89 @ashes @selfdisciplinedTriangle5384 @amiableSummer3420 @FangsInsanity @Anj0806 @Spoonog @rissadawn @brokenflutterby @g00dwitch @No715 @SpruceRaven @tidyMoon3222 @helpfulHuman4992 @Djs3 @dynamicHemlockHemlock1736 @Hope3729 @hardworkingStrawberries3477 @courageousCake401 @humorousBeing8966 @NancySV1 @mysticPhoenix883 @oceanmom @gymnast9460 @Nonbinarywaffle7706 @Tbeth @felixfriend @Chels
@DeborahUK Good Morning, or afternoon as it is there Deb. Love the doodles! 
Bennacht ta na fílí Paudríg agat! Blessings of The Feast of Patrick to you. 
(a quick one to not forget Frosty The Snowman) Happy Birthday!
@Raveninthelabrynth
Ah yes, good old St Paddy! I feel a bit of Irish craic is needed today.
@DeborahUK lol Deb that floored me wycked
@DeborahUK
YES!!! Hahahaha! My favorite song for today is
@BeeLeigh well check out TG Lurgan, alle popular songs transferred to Gaelige
https://youtu.be/dF1YSM7fxwI
To me a very crucial part of self-care is getaways.So today I came home from one of those and I feel changed.Have more energy, feel more happy and optimistic about my situation and hopeful that I'll find a way out, give myself the answers needed.I feel inspired to get better and do better.Faced the consequences of self-neglect eye to eye and accepted them, accepted myself and where's my mind and body at because of it all.I made poor choices.And I embrace and own that I did.But I'll not punish myself or scold myself or judge myself or draw conclusions that it's a reflection of my worth, what kind of person I'm.I had hard times and I made mistakes but that doesn't define me.I'll get up, do better and make sure to plant a garden in a place of these ruins.I've already started to do so.
@Morfo66 Sounds like yer in a pretty good place. Never mind the mistakes hon, we alle make em. Keep your eyes towards the new day.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thanks dear one!:) Will do!^^
@Morfo66
You go girl! Or boy? You go boy! Scratch that ..... you go Morfo!
Life is most definitely a journey, one on which well make mistakes along the way, and encounter good and bad times. But its not about the mistakes you make, its about how you deal with them. You sound like youve done a lot of reflecting lately, and youve found a strong and positive person looking back at you.
@DeborahUK
Girl :) wow...this was such a powerful thing to read...thanks a lot!
@Morfo66
You go girl! 😉
ok so just had 3 does and 3 fawn chillin out in the side pasture.
@DeborahUK
Hi, I'm new here and I'm glad to be a part of this. So far, I've found a lot of insightful info. I really struggle with anxiety, guilt, shame.
@Hartwell
Hello, and a warm welcome to you. I
@DeborahUK
I really glad for the visuals Deborah :)
Many times I am not very in tune with what I'm feeling, if I am feeling anything at all.
I feel that during this healing process, I've become in tune with a lot of negative emotions that I have endured, as the names to those feelings have been given to me. Becoming aware of these feelings was a challenge of its own, but the greater challenge was coping with them as they occur. I do find that awareness of what I was feeling made dealing with them easier.
Something that I am just pondering about that was probably discussed in one of these forums is whether we possess these emotions naturally or that we learn them from our surroundings. Perhaps we are only able to express these emotions after having seen others express them? If we weren't able to have access to a wide range of emotions growing up, our emotional vocabulary will just end up being limited won't it?
Perhaps the reason why I feel more negativity than positivity in my life is because I don't have full vocabulary of the positive emotions. Maybe I am just not aware of when I am experiencing something that could provide me good emotions, and thus why good memories fade while the bad ones persist. I want to be able to actively feel my good emotions as they are happening and make sure they are ingrained in my long term memory --- perhaps that is where mindfulness could help.
What am I feeling now? I'm not sure if I'm feeling anything. I feel always at peace when it seems like I have figured things out.
@humorousBeing8966
Oh goodness! Now thats made me think...... Great questions too. Hmm, I hope theyre rhetorical as I have no idea of the answer :)
Though I wonder if @Rain45 can help us with that one? Rain, can we only express emotions weve seen reflected in others, or is this as natural a mechanism as blinking for example?
@DeborahUK Okay let me ask you a question. If as a child you had only seen anger in a parent with an explosive temper who had tore up the house in a fit of rage, would every child then, be tearing up the house in a fit of rage and anger, if all they had seen was anger, if all they could express was the emotion they themselves had seen? Not all children will do this even when this is all they have known. Some will cower in corners and hide, some will take things out on themselves, some will act out etc. some will still show love towards their abusers. I know I have boiled it down to quite a basic situation and an extreme situation but everyone is capable of feeling all kinds of different emotions, but the trouble is, those emotions may not be given the opportunity for healthy expression. It may not be safe for someone to be themselves, emotions if expressed may be lead a child to be punished. If all a child has known is anger, fear, abuse, terror, numbness, they would have trouble recognising any other emotion than this. For children who have not grown up in happy environments recognising and naming any emotion is difficult enough and where self worth and self esteem has been eroded they may not even believe they have any right to feel anything other than negative emotions, some of this may lie at a sub conscious level. Its quite a difficult question to answer because each individuals situation is different and why they may struggle with emotions may be different. Emotional numbing symptoms are part of the avoidance cluster of PTSD symptoms. Emotional numbing symptoms generally refer to those symptoms that reflect difficulties in experiencing positive emotions.
It has been found that people with PTSD often try to avoid their emotions, both emotions about a traumatic experience and emotions in general. In addition, it has been found that the avoidance of emotions may make some PTSD symptoms worse or even contribute to the development of PTSD symptoms after the experience of a traumatic event. Emotional avoidance is often considered an unhealthy coping strategy. It may be effective in the short-run and provide some temporary relief. However, in the long run, the emotions people are trying to avoid may actually grow stronger.
We all have emotions for a reason. Our emotions provide us with information about ourselves and the things going on around us. For example, the emotion of fear tells us that we may be in danger. The emotion of sadness tells us that we may need some time to take care of ourselves or seek help from others. Given the important role they play in our lives, our emotions are there to be experienced and they want to be experienced even if we dont think we feel anything or wish to go there. And we need to also release those positive feelings and learn to re experience those feelings too.
Therefore, while emotional avoidance may be effective in the short-run and may provide you with some temporary relief in the long run, the emotions you're trying to avoid may grow stronger. Basically, your emotions may fight back, so they can be experienced and listened to. Traumatic experiences until dealt with, makes understandably people wish to avoid their feelings and their emotions and its easier to not feel, but the pain is there within. Its just waiting to be dealt with
@Rain45
Ah Rain, you never let me down! Thank you :)
@humorousBeing8966 - does that go some way to answering your question? I
@DeborahUK @Rain45
Thanks trendmously to you both!
It was very well put and definitely clears some things up.
I may have to stop avoiding emotions.
@humorousBeing8966 Easier said than done Humorous but understandable as to why you would perhaps wish to.
Lately? Awesome!! Im on spring break and today is St. Patricks Day and Im feelin gooooood!! Heck, earlier this week I took apart, unclogged, and repaired the plumbing beneath my bathroom sink! I also seriously upgraded my shower head, added a hook in my shower, and replaced a couple dead lightbulbs. Im feelin pretty dang good right about now, and I got a whole day of awesomeness ahead of me!!
@DeborahUK
I think have all what you saed
@conscientiousPineapple1782
I guess that
I'm really traumatized by the abusive I've experienced in my life. It started in my childhood and it never ended in my adulthood. Now, those memories haunt me daily. I use alcohol to escape because I would rather be intoxicated than to feel the pain of the past. But I feel optimistic about being a part of this community. Thanks.
@Hartwell
There are some guided discussions that may relate to some of what you feel, and your use of alcohol as an escape. No pressure, but if you wanted to take a look, you can find them here
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Good afternoon,
I am here to share something that I am feeling extremely embarrassed about, but yet I must get this off of my chest. When I joined 7cups I was in a real crisis in my own head. I signed up for an online therapist.That after 4 big fall outs and feeling more vulnerable now then ever I decided to let her go. Just giving a few details of the issue.
I have no support system other than the Therapist. Most of you know that. I have only been in Therapy three times in my life and they were not good either. So now once again I make an attempt to reach out for Professional help. I am in a place that makes me feel so uncomfortable. I feel the need to be very clingy to them almost like a mother figure. Waiting for the direction of mom to lead and guild me safely.
I have never depended on anyone like that in my whole life. I am wondering why I am feeling like this, I don't understand. I sit at this computer day and night waiting for them to reply. Sometimes disappointed because they were a no-show. Leaving me with my emotions streaming even higher than before. This in my mind is Trauma. Is this a form of trying to teach me to deal with my intense emotional feelings? I understand they only have to reply once or twice a day. I think that if I ask you when do you reply and you tell me once in the morning and once at night, then I wrap my head around that and can kind of work better with that. Then you start replying once a day and you go off on this long weekend three days. Then leave us with no one sucks. I am paying for a service that your word should be honored.
I love the new Therapist I am working with so far, it's only been a week. But she is beginning to do that too. Is it me or am I expecting too much?
@scarletPear1945
Have not or do not know how to work with the new Therapist because of the issues that were so hard to deal with from the other Therapist.
I think that she scared me after opening up to her and sharing my private issues Therapy will never feel like a safe place. She kept saying you have to trust me. How can I trust you I don't know you and you can be outright rude when you choose to. How is that helping people?
Maybe I just need to stop therapy and just be here for the 7cups family.
Ive been in 4 car wrecks... and this last time 2 of those 4 happened both within 10 minutes of each other.. my now ex boyfriend held a knife to my throat while speeding away from police in a car he had stolen but told me that it was his cousins car... im so scared to go anywhere in a vehicle i always get flashbacks and think in gonna crash again... and im too scared to even learn to love again theres this guy im falling so head over heels in love with but i dont trust to go anywhere with him... what ever do i do
@DepressedAlien13
Trust can be such a hard thing to rediscover once youve lost it so brutally. But we really do need trust to survive. We have to trust our legs not to buckle as we walk down the stairs for example, or our sight not to fail as we cross the road. We have to trust that a car will stop for us at a pedestrian crossing and not suddenly speed up again. We have to trust that day will follow night.
But such faith is rewarded because it allows us to face each new day, to go out, to live our lives. Trusting in a new relationship will hopefully lead to happiness, and help to lessen some of those bad memories. Youll never know unless you have faith and give it a go.