Traumatic Experiences Community Daily CheckIn - Sunday 21st May 2017
Hey Everyone! 
It's a lovely sunny day here in the UK and I've taken full advantage of the weather, walked the dog and done some much overdue gardening. What do you like to do on sunny days where you are?
Just wanted to remind you folk that no matter whether your day is good, bad or inbetween, we are here for you :) It would be great to hear how everyone is doing today? The weekend is often a time of relaxation for many, though some of you may be working. What do you like to do on your lazy chill out days? I hope you can find some rest and relaxation for yourselves no matter what you get up to
This check in space is yours, to let us know whats happening in your world. Healing from Trauma is hard work, there are ups, there are downs, there are tears, and there successes and achievements. It can be tough going but always know, we are here for you :) Always reach out if you can for some support for your deserve that :)
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@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch
@KatieMoon1 @conscientiousPineapple1782 @Tamba @inventiveOrange1 @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @KristenHR @BradyChay2310 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart
I feel like I'm dying. I'd finally gotten some hope again, I was being constructive again, things with my bf seemed fine again, and then he called to basically tell me that he's throwing me away to be with a former good friend of mine. I have no more coping skills. I have nothing more to live for. My life has been a f****** nightmare for way too long, and now I'm being kicked in the head while trying to get up from the ground.
edited by dancingRainbow45 on 21/05/17 Censoring of language in posts required.
@hereigoagain
I'm sorry about your boyfriend but I tend to agree with Rainbow. In a little while you may find that having him out of your life is actually a good thing. Some people have a way of sending us on an emotional roller coaster and I could be wrong but seems you two might have some of that going on (I've been there).
"Hang in there" sounds kinda lame but I just wanna say... hope your mood and/or perspective shifts soon.
@themainjane
I'm going through some of the roughest times in my life so far and I need someone to be there for me and care 
@hereigoagain
Just wanted to say hello. How are you doing?
@themainjane
Awful. Thank you for checking in on me, although I wish you weren't the only one 
@hereigoagain
I'm sure everyone who has read this today is wishing you well too.
I know there's nothing I can really say or do. Hope you can rest and/or take some time to do something a bit soothing.
@themainjane
I'm feeling like a huge worthless loser because nobody in my "real life" seems to care much or be worried about me, but I really appreciate your messages How are YOU doing?
@hereigoagain
You're not a huge worthless loser. No one in my life cares. That's on them, not me. You're just going through a hard time. You got this. With or without them. You still got us!
@hereigoagain
I'm doing okay but I don't try hard enough - and I'm not just saying that, it's true. I need to learn to push myself.
I can't seem to recomment on my feed always- I dunno maybe I'm doing something wrong? Anyway, obstacles to self-care . . That's a tough one.
on the surface it's because I'm rather lazy, tend to procrastinate and avoid. Underneath maybe it's things like wondering what I actually deserve or fear?
@hereigoagain Sorry to hear your feeling this way Hereigo and its sad that your boyfriend has treated you in this way. Its always very hard when someone we care about treats us in this way and makes us feel worthless etc. You are worth so much more and I hope that you can be angry with the way in which you have been treated and find a way to keep going and start drawing on all those coping skills that lie within you and that you had been building on. No life should be seen as not worth living because a partner decides to be with someone else. I know you care much for him from the sounds of it, and how its made you feel, but perhaps this person wasnt worthy of your love?
@hereigoagain
One of my abusive exes left me for my best friend (who was also the girlfriend of HIS best friend), while we were still living together. He literally gave me the security deposit and first month's rent for my own apartment to get rid of me. After he did unspeakable things to me for about a year and a half. But I truly believed that's all my life would be at that point, so I still loved him.
I know it hurts. I know it feels like it's literally the end of your world. But it's not. It's the beginning. Because what he's really done is give you the opportunity to grow and get better on your own, and then find someone who truly cares about and loves you like you deserve. You're not alone, and even though I'm sure you're in a very negative place right now, you won't always be. You have the power to pull yourself up. It isn't easy, and it isn't gonna happen right away, but you can do it. And we'll all be here for you along the way ❤️
@BeeLeigh
He was my only long-term partner that was NOT abusive, he was always kind to me and we supported each other and grew so much together, I never ever thought he could be that way and how could I ever trust anyone again NOW
@hereigoagain
You give yourself time. I left my last ex over two years ago now because I know I can't trust myself to choose someone who won't hurt me. I have no one else. My family is superficial and I have no friends. The only person I talk to during the week who isn't a coworker or family member is my therapist. It sucks sometimes. But I know I'm doing what's best for me. I am truly sorry that you had someone who wasn't abusive and they hurt you like that. I've never been with someone who wasn't abusive, and I know it would feel like it was destroying me if I was with someone who wasn't and they still hurt me that badly. But I also know that I've been knocked down far worse than that by far worse people, and I know I could get up and move on from that person. Just like you can. Because he doesn't deserve to have that kind of power over your life. What he did is awful. But you're better than him, and you will get through this ❤️
@BeeLeigh
He's not "bad" at all he has C-PTSD too and couldn't deal with mine any more, I can't blame him as much as I'd like to, it just feels so meaningless and unfair and it hurts so badly I can't take this
@hereigoagain
I'm not saying he's bad, just that you deserve better. Give yourself time. Don't let this destroy you. Take some time to be mopey and grieve the lost relationship. When I get really depressed sometimes I watch things that I know make me sad because it kind of forces that feeling out. Grab a teddy bear. They're soft and cuddly and they'll always be there for you no matter what. Don't think you have to be happy and whatever right away. That's unrealistic. Take time for you. Time for you to process this, go through this, and grow from this. You will be okay. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I promise you will be❤️
@BeeLeigh
...but thank you
@hereigoagain
I would like to offer something up to address the sense of achievement you brought up to Jane. Have you tried loom knitting? It's really easy, and it provides an incredible sense of achievement when you finish something, and you now have this thing that you've actually made all by yourself. It still amazes me that I've made "this" every time I finish something. Just a suggestion 🙂
@hereigoagain
I'm so sorry to hear about how your best friend has treated you. I can see why you feel so hurt and alone after what he did. You have a right to be angry and hurt!! You're deserving of loving support and kindness- those that can't do that aren't worthy of your friendship. Even if they aren't worthy of you, it doesn't take away from the fact that it hurts when someone you love treats you that way. We are here for you in this community- there is so much to live for. Life can be full of horrors and can also be full of wonders. Sucky as it is, sticking around for the wonders is worth it.. I look forward to being here for you. Hang in there!!!
I need to go get more yarn for my gramma's rug that I swear I'm gonna finish at some point. I was gonna go yesterday but it was stormy for most of the day 😕
@BeeLeigh Yes you do because I would love to hear that you have completed this and would love to see a pic of the finished article LOL
@dancingRainbow45
I did work on it a little bit, but it's gonna take a lot of yarn :P
Good afternoon everyone,
I finally got to sleep on my own bed after a little over a month last night and snuggle the heck out of my dogs. It's a beautiful, sunny day here in Mexico as well and watching them play with the neighbor dog has been great.
It's an unpacking day and getting things back in order- though I'm doing very chill, taking my time and it feels good. Good friends are getting in touch to set up time together so that I can tell them all about the vacation. The children that I teach art to on Sunday's came knocking this morning, but I scheduled an extra week upon return to recharge. More than anything, I think they wanted to say hello.
There IS ups and downs in healing trauma. I had a crying day yesterday and am enjoying a good day today. I'm grateful for the good days.
I'm in the discussion right now but not listed. No one can see me. I'm the fly on the wall :/
Just an observation at what a beautifully supportive community this is. I see people one day who seek help and support, another day offering help and support. Kindness and compassion are abundant in today's thread, as in previous days and weeks. It's humbling that so often it's the people who have been hurt the most in life who still find reserves of strength and support to give to others. Each and every one of you give so much by your presence here.
@melliotm @themainjane @hereigoagain @KLM3278 @BeeLeigh @TreesandWine @MKJart @dancingrainbow45
Thanks @DeborahUK ❤️
Thannk, @DeborahUK! ❤️💙💚💛💜💗
@DeborahUK
And don't forget Kite ! :-)
@Tamba
Both Kite and yourself are included of course. I just tagged those who had been part of the discussion at the time of my post. But honestly, it's quite incredible how supportive everyone is of one another. Let's face it, this is the Internet. It doesn't have the best reputation does it? Seems the trauma community is bucking the trend :)
I was actually thinking about leaving the Traumatic Community forum. Everyone here is great but I feel I don't belong.
Problem is, I don't know where I do belong. Sometimes I tell myself I'm fine but if I'm so fine why did my counselor just diagnose me with cptsd and suggest emdr? Or is that just the going thing now?
Also, if I'm so fine why do I hide out in my house all the time avoiding life? I long to connect to someone but fear it .. and it's such a hassle. So much better to stay in my bubble. But it's not. It's isolating. But I'm an avoider.
@themainjane
You do belong here Jane. You have a place here if you want it. ❤️
@BeeLeigh
Thanks. Sometimes I just feel out of place because I wasn't abused as a child. Definitely not to the level of you guys. I feel like I've brought most my "sad" circumstances upon myself.
But I will stay if you'll have me because I do need a place to belong. 🙂
@themainjane
@themainjane
Don't compare yourself to others. Everything is subjective to the person experiencing it. It's the impact it has on you that matters here, not what it is that happened. You belong here. And you are more than welcome to stay as long as you'd like 🙂
@BeeLeigh
🙂 ❤
@themainjane
Not in the pasty- In the past ... Love autocorrect at times.
@themainjane
I just finally subscribed to this community not for any practical reason but symbolically for the belonging 
@hereigoagain
I'm glad you're here!
@hereigoagain
I understand. ❤
I did the same thing. I thought if I'm going to hunt for this forum all the time and contribute through comments and BEST of all - have people talk to me here - why don't I subscribe?
@themainjane
Hi Jane,
I also have CPTSD and have done EMDR in the pasty and will most likely be doing more. You do belong here and from looking at your posts with how supportive you are to others even when you're struggling yourself, I really hope you stick around. We would all benefit from you being here. I would benefit from you being here. Please know that we're here for you too.
@MKJart
🙂 ❤
@themainjane Yes, please stay. There's no hierarchy of trauma -- just survival, coping, and, eventually, healing. Self judgement is a symptom in an of itself, as is minimization.
Ofttimes I've felt much like you do. That my experiences can't begin to compare to what others have endured, that I'm undeserving of support or empathy, because X, Y and/or Z. But the truth is we're all just trying to keep moving forward, inch by inch despite it all.
@melliotm
Thank you. :)
Was an ok day, packing and trying to organize, then at around 7:30:pm got a call saying my husband was taking to the hospital, we live in De, but he works in nj, so I rushed getting my kids and heading out for an hour and 15 min drive, I was in a panic, I hadn't been given my info , so he is staying over night, he seems ok, his heart went out of rhythm, but by the time I arrived, he was ok and was even on any meds.
Gosh @jr50
A full on day for you. I'm glad it turned out your husband's okay, but I hope the turn in his health doesn't mean you get overburdened with all the packing that needs doing. Remember to look after you too.
@jr50 Thinking of you and hoping things improve for you and your family
@dancingRainbow45. I brought my husband home, and he seems ok, it is a good end to a not so wonderful day. Thank you everyone who sent me encouragement, from last night till this afternoon wasn't sure it was, but he seems to be ok, when I got the call , I was so scared, but took my meds as needed and it helped #
@jr50 I hope he continues to make steady progress and that you get the support you need JR Thinking of you
Lost it over eggs, today! Dropped an egg on the floor and got so mad that I flung the eggshell and gross egg all over the place. Then had to clean that up, then got mad at cleaning that up and threw spoons in the sink. Whew. Adrenaline is one helluva ride. Then I had to be like, 'calm down, Shark, it's literally just eggs.' Eyeroll!
@sharkradio. I have done it too!