Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-In Sunday May 27th 2018
Good Morning Alle. My mann and I had a great laugh and interesting discussion last nite, spawned by a neighbour new to the area. Well, this new neighbour lives up the road, and just moved out here from the city. It is very dark out here at nite, there are no street lights and very few leave on any lights. This person ha illuminated their property like some prison complex in their fear of the dark, and thus shut out their view of the nite sky. The thing as has been making us alle laugh hard at them is their freaking out over animal sounds. The cattle up the road have been umm... excited shall we say, and have been wailing away alle nite. For the last few nites the bulls have been grunting and carrying away, the cows have been lowing and making their own strange sounds, and this new neighbour has been freaking out and yelling at them to shut up. Yep, he is trying to yell at cows as if he could control them or they may listen lol. What we discussed and laughed about most was someones assumptions.Whether one moves from the peace and isolation of the country to have a more busy life, or one moves from the noise and business of the city for the country, one is merely exchanging one set of problems for another. We can't control everything in this world, nor should we try. Did you know that if you don't scratch a mosquito bite it goes away fast? I may suffer 1-5 annoying bites a year, and I never use any bug spray. In similar fashion I handle my bad memories and flashbacks, I accept that what happened happened and I don't fight against it. As I accept things and not fight against them, they trouble me far less than if they were a battle to me. Don't illuminate the nite but embrace the dark, you'll see more stars, and it is better to hear frustrated cows and barking dogs than it is to hear an interstate highway or trains 24/7.
So how are you alle today? You came this far, drop us a phost and say hi. As always this space is yours, feel free to use it.
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@Raveninthelabrynth thank you for those thoughts. It is true and easier to sink into the issues until they become so big you forget who you were before it all started.
Difficult weekend, family engagement and a very down husband who is isolating. Trying for both of us.
Safe hugs.
@inventiveOrange1 Hugs Hon
Ya family events can be alot of pressure and grief, but the best part is they end. I wish you and your husband to pull through this swiftly 
Thanks
@IloveGirlsSoMuch Your welcome
How are you doing today?
Hey Raven and everybody else...
Love your story, truely funny neighbours you have there... And a great allegory of life, of embracing the dark (like that expression), accepting the darkness in our lives and seeing the positives about it, well, there isn't light without the darkness...
@courteousNorth5140 Indeed North. How are you today hon?
@Raveninthelabrynth
Full of acceptance and positivity, like always 😉
@courteousNorth5140 lol well I hope this is so
Dearest Raven,
Just Loved your post!
I will make acceptance my word for the day,
when I feel overwhelmed during the day I will gently remind myself.
@emotionalMaple9419 Thanks EM.
Acceptance doesn't always come easy, but it does get easier when we stop fighting ourselves. Good luck in working on this hon
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hi Rave and everybody.
I am having a tougher day today. I woke up early to do a photo shoot and hike with my little brother and his fiancee, (building my photography portfolio), and then we went out to lunch together. I was feeling funny on the hike, light-headed a little, just kind of weird. Then at lunch I started getting this anxiety, and I know it is attachment stuff... just noticing things about the way my brother and his fiancee interact, and things I've been talking with my therapist about this week like how I want to set different boundaries with my parents, and invest more of my energy into relationships that give me more in return. So the anxiety has been with me for a few hours now. I went grocery shopping, because my doctor is having me go on Whole30. I put it off for as long as possible, but then I started running out of food so I needed to go to the store lol. I do not feel excited about it 
I feel reminded of all the years I went on diets having an eating disorder. My doctor knows about this, and she is having me be careful about Whole30 because of this, but still, my body it seems really needs to heal... so I think there is not really a way around needing to do this. I'm going to be on it for about 6 weeks, and then she said I can start re-introducing things and seeing how my body responds. I am feeling afraid about it... and just a general sense of anxiety around that too. Also, my roommates are ALL out of town this weekend, so I have been trying to hang out in coffee shops and stuff. I know I am doing good things for my life, it just feels hard, and I feel afraid. I want to call my parents for support, but I have not felt like they have been very supportive the past few weeks (they are in the midst of moving)... hmm. And there are boundary issues there which I want to work on, so I feel torn what to do. I feel alone and like I want support and company, so I want them there.... I feel torn. Also... there is a place I am thinking about moving into, because I think it would be good for me to be closer to town (I live a bit far away) to be more social and have more friends and spend less time in the car/gas, live in a neighborhood I actually like, and I think it would be good for me to try a different living environment than the one with my current roommates, and I was really excited about the opportunity and I asked my brother if he would be willing to loan me the money for a security deposit, however.... I am now feeling quite anxious about it, unsure if I will be able to afford it, etc. It's also hitting me how much my current roommates "do" for me that I'd be on my own for if/when I moved (even though it would be GOOD for me to be on my own for those things -- I simply feel worried I won't be able to handle those things, such as getting chores done and buying house supplies). Hmm. And I need to make decisions soon. I feel worried I will regret whichever decision I make -- worried I will make a decision and that the other one will have been better.
So I thought I'd pop in the check-in and say hi, and I could use some support today, I'm not really sure what I'm going through. I tried tapping (EFT) for my anxiety, which is one tool my therapist is having me practice. And I am also trying inside myself to "make space" for the anxiety, so that I can feel the anxiety and also feel other things too.
Raven thanks for your story. I think it will be helpful for me today if I can find the way for it to be helpful for me. It's true... exchanging one set of problems for another. So maybe I can accept that my anxiety is happening today, and not fight back against it. I am having anxiety about the diet, and about the living situation, and about being somewhat alone this weekend. And about a lot of other things too... Haha.
- Singer
@singercrystalspirit
Hey Singer, all I have to offer are lots of *safe hugs* if you'd like them 😊💕 and, well, I'm bad at making decisions, too, so you're not alone in this... About the living situation, a simple pro and contra list could help, works for me sometimes... Take care Singer 💕
@courteousNorth5140
I'll try it and see if it helps.
@singercrystalspirit Hej Singer, sorry for the rough time. Perhaps calculate the pro's and con's of living alone and take some good time to weigh it alle before making a decision? Idk hon, m here if you need or wish to chat.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thanks Rave I might PM you.
@singercrystalspirit
I don't know anything about Whole30, but I can relate to the rest of your story because I'm in a very similar position!
I think it's important to remember why you chose to do something when you're feeling doubtful for whatever reason.
For example, you want to reach out to your parents, but you are reminded of your boundaries. Why do you have those boundaries in the first place?
Thinking that way helps me think of how I'd be undoing progress I've made. And it is progress, don't forget that! Also, you need to get out there and live life, you're exchanging one set of problems for another anyway so who cares, go live! (within reasonable means of course)
As for your living situation, how soon do you need to decide? Can you negotiate timelines?
As suggested, make a pro/con list. Following through with the theme of the thread, do those pros offset those cons? When it comes to money, think of your budget *and* cast a safety net on that.
@Torremp Hej Tor how are you doing today? an what's the whole30 thing?
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hey Raven! How are you?
I'm not doing so well. I've been feeling tired the past couple of weeks. Thought it was because I had to switch up my routine one week, but it's just my body acting up and it'll all be over soon. Maybe heat plays a role there too.
It's annoying because I want to do things, but no energy to do them (and I have to wait on a couple of things to fall in place). So just going to continue taking things one baby step at a time, and go to bed early today!
From a quick search, Whole30 is a diet about clean eating. (saying this while I'm licking a spoon of Haagen Dazs Coconut Caramel ice cream) From my understanding, you get rid of stuff like sugar, processed foods, and dairy for 30 days, then re-introduce things gradually to see what happens when it comes to your weight, energy, etc.
@Torremp sory you're woes fighting with lethargy, I kinda am too, and yep, it's the heat. Summer came quick. As you said, do what ye can and build up slow.
Thanks for the intel on the diet plan, and enjoy that icecream, M jealous lol
@Torremp
I really appreciate and value your reply. Thank you.
It prompted me to look at my finances, which I've been ignoring because I know I'm not making enough to meet my needs. The reality is that I went into debt by more than half a thousand dollars this month, with my spending + my income. And I don't expect that to change significantly in the future necessarily, unless something changes from its current state. (Meaning that I expect to keep going into more debt, unless something changes from its current state). And I don't have any savings right now. At all. I went through them from October-December when I moved across the country here.
I don't know how I can justify rationally MOVING right now (when I don't HAVE to move -- I'm not homeless). I also don't have any furniture... I thought of that. I live in a furnished place right now. I really, really, really was not expecting a lot of things in my life to turn out the way that they have. I thought I would be making a lot more money... not losing money.
It's just that something needs to change, and I was hoping that being around more positive energy and closer to town would help me be in a state where I could further improve my life. Because if you stay around the "down" problems, and around circumstances that keep you dragged down, how do you ever change? I don't know how to pull myself up out of this. I can't sustain my life. I don't know who to ask for advice. I need to pull back and become stable... but I'm not sure where to go or what to do. Or whether I should push through, keep spending on credit, try to keep improving my life though stressful (and foolish? and risky?) financially, and hope and expect for the best.
It's been years since I had this little money. I honestly don't know what to do. And I don't know who to ask for help figuring it out/sorting it out. I don't know if this further information changes your response to me at all. Thanks for giving me a place to express myself.
- Singer
@singercrystalspirit
You have my support! :)
I know there are stories of people who've done it with less, and people will tell you it's possible, but if you ask me, it's not for everyone. You don't want to risk going backward over the long term. And with the way things are right now (expenses high with respect to wages) , it is difficult.
You're right in saying that you don't have to move. It's fair to say you have good reasons for wanting to move though. You can do it, it might take some time to prepare for though.
I can't really offer any other advice besides the obvious, but you are right in saying that something has to change and you're going to have to take the horns on this one. You can do it!
@Torremp
Thank you
You've made me think in slightly new ways over my problem. Such as: How can I move forward from where I'm at, rather than further backward "in order to get forward eventually"? Can I move forward, now? From where I'm at?
It also would feel good, to be better prepared to move. It would feel better. Less scrambled, less stressed. I do agree that my reasons are good for wanting to move 
I wonder if I could work something out with my current roommates....
Argh, I'm so worried that I'm trying to make a situation work that just won't work though. It's tough to know when it's time to move on.
Thank you
Hey
This is a cool thread, trauma is overlooked a lot, and for people to come together, being supportive and kinda talk about things is cool
Today like many other days has been really, for lack of a better word, difficult. I seem to have a lot of triggers lately, my PTSD has been a lot heavier as of late. It feels like I am stuck, in some sort of time loop, that keeps going and going and never moving forward. It feels like I'm reliving the same things every day, everything is a black and white blur, and I can't get out, I can't stop being messed up by things. I'm really alone inside, I feel caged and trapped in my own mind. There are special programs and therapies, but they wouldn't actually fix things. In order to fix things, I'd have to go back in time and change everything, which obviously, I can't. So today like many other days it's been lonely, hopeless, tiring, depressing, disappointing, and difficult. I don't want to keep living in this time loop, but it's gonna take a ton of work to get out of here.
@skyebluez Hej Sky. We're not overlooked at alle, infact we're one of the busiest subcommunities in the cup.
We can't escape our trauma, and we can't go back in time and change things. As you said, it is gonna take alot of work, but trust me you will get there if you do it.
@Raveninthelabrynth
That's what I'm counting on because right now I feel like every step forward is another two backward, and if it continues to be that way, I don't see a point in walking anymore
And that's good that trauma isn't overlooked here, I've just known many experiences where a trauma may be invalidated, especially if it is no longer a repeated trauma, so that's good to know that it is being more widely talked about in subcommunities or whatever have you.
@skyebluez It can often feel like that indeed. But we can learn to live and work around our issues. Def takes time and vigilance with our work in therapy.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Thanks for a great post Raven, and of course I love your story!.So true that acceptance and going with whatever is there can make such a difference. Much love. x
@rozie Hej Thanks Rozie, wonderful to see you today.
Much Love to You 
Wow, another awesome day today.
Thank you Alle for sharing a part of yourselves with me and each other, Well Done!
I hold much love and respect for alle of you.
*Raven bows to alle and fly's away
Hello Family
I've been involved with a lot of home projects that have kept me very busy and away from checking in. Having a pool put in has brought a lot of extra work on my end. The rain has been a drawback and hold up on a lot of the work. Been working at intervals as I could Will probably be busy till this project is complete.
I am doing ok and just trying to focus on the positives.
@scarletPear1945 Hej Scarlet it's wonderful to see you again.
Oh my I hear you on the rain. We have been trying to move our farm and house since the beginning of april (has to be done by hand cart) and we have been rained out for weeks. Ofcourse after much praying to end the rain the sun kicks in so hard we can't work through that either lol. Iss Lifa lol. Much Love my friend, I hope you have amazing times in your pool.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Hey, how are things going? Hope you have been able to get things done.
Just getting through with all the contractors. The pool is up and running. Now working on water balancing and getting privacy fence picked out.
Then to find a contractor to put it up
@scarletPear1945 Ok so I know that sometymes there's a glitch that double phosts our messages. Is it required or customary to reply to both?
Still moving, but on the tail end of it. watching weather to see about moving our horse to her new pasture, don't wanna put her in a new place then have a storm. Still busy as alle phoohey I guess.
Glad to hear your world is shaping up well.
@Raveninthelabrynth
Raven, I would not reply to but one of the post
@Raveninthelabrynth hi raven , this is a wonderful post.
Some days most days imnfightig so hard to forget , or to better myself , or to be less unhappy or whatever it is , that I forget to just be and live.. the fighting leaves me so drained ..
@energeticPenny8 Hej Penny, thanks
M sorry yer having some difficult times hon. I spent many years, decades in fact in fighting myself. Always striving for perfection and control over myself and my world. One day I had this realization. The way I see it, everyone has both a sick mind and a healthy one. We can't fight with a sick mind. We can't argue with it and get anywhere, we can't change it most of the time, and we can't teach a sick mind anything. We can only learn from a sick mind, then divert it back to the healthy mind and work with that one. I stopped fighting my sick mind. I accept that I have that side of me, and when it comes I accept it. I embrace my sick mind and let it have it's chance to scream or whatever it will do, then I divert myself back to my healthy mind and carry on. There's just this part of me that is really hurt and needs to scream and cry from time to time and I let it. By not fighting myself, the duration of these episodes has gotten shorter and farther apart before I can bring my healthy mind back around. I accept what I have been through as it did happen, no refusal or denial will change this, but it wont rule me. By not fighting myself I have learned a greater peace and more success with myself. This may not bring you any instant comfort, but I hope it helps you find your way to peace.
@Raveninthelabrynth thank you raven , it makes so much sense . for the first time yesterday, I did something assertive, despite v hurtful and malicious circumstances , ive decided I'm going to fight back, I didn't directly confront his person, but indirectly, I've made as point . Just breathing .. this too shall pass and being positive about it .
@Raveninthelabrynth it is funny as in the city all of the noise sort of begins to drown out and get muddled but in the country or small towns one small noise seems so intense!
I'm doing ok today. Beginning to self-reflect a little more on a difficult last week. My closest girlfriend is coming to visit me again tomorrow (was here just 2 weeks ago) so I'm feeling a bit spoiled and excited over this as well : )
@purpleWest8143 it absoultely is West. It amazed me when I was first taken from my home is a very, well, extremely rural setting backed up to the mountains, and was brought to the city of Dublin. I was shocked by every seemingly never ending sound, felt shock from loud things, and the nasty smells of production. I was totally amazed how alle the folk there seemed to not notice any of it, and seemed to function as if it was natural and none of it existed.
It is always a warm feeling when olde friends come to visit indeed.
Much Love West, enjoy yourself
@Raveninthelabrynth thank you! She picked up on the fact that I could really use this extra visit. Super thankful that she has the means to be coming again right now.
@purpleWest8143 Awesome to see whom our true friends are
Thankful you have such a friend
