Traumatic Experiences Community Daily CheckIn - Wednesday 10th May 2017
Hello lovely people :) How are you doing today? Me, Im popping online to catch up on my PM's and then will be taking a little me time to try and shake off some bug or virus I have managed to pick up. Self care is important and nows the time for me to practise a little of this, so I can get back to full steam with you guys :) What have you done for self-care and gentleness today? Any other thoughts about today on your mind?
Being survivors, one of the greatest opportunities we have is to take one day at a time, so we don't have to worry about tomorrow. If possible, will you join me today in thinking about today and what we can do and not worrying about tomorrow or the next day? Even one tiny step in this direction can be very helpful for many of us. And some already are doing this well. :) This space is yours, to let us know whats happening in your world, how your day has been, is it a good day, bad day or inbetween? Healing from Trauma is hard work, there are ups, there are downs, there are tears, and there successes and achievements. It can be tough going but always know, we are here for you :) Always reach out if you can for some support for your deserve that :)
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@Avaray @vriska44 @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @dancingRainbow45 @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @sujaypai
@sweetMelody95 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @themainjane @raycascotch @sujaypai @PuppyLove13
@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @KristenHR @KatieMoon1 @ConscientousPineapple1782
I'm a little overwhelmed because I have to change my diet and most of what I love I can either no longer eat or I have to severely limit my intake since I already do moderation, and the things I'm supposed to switch them out for I hate. Normally when I'm presented with something that makes me feel like that does, I would turn to food and I would feel better. But I can't do that, and I don't know what to do now.
@BeeLeigh Must feel tough on you Bee, whats made things change for you diet or food wise? Is this a medical need to do so?
@dancingRainbow45
I have to lower my cholesterol or she's putting me on medication. And I don't want to have to take anything else. So I'm trying to figure this out but it's really hard because it's not just a change in diet, I lost the coping skill I would normally use in this situation because I would use food, and I don't know to fix that.
@BeeLeigh Ah okay so its due to health reasons but I hear because this has been your coping strategy or your comfort, its now thrown you and your feeling like okay so what do I do now. What else in your life, gives you comfort, what can you do that you could feel some level of contentment from? Any ideas?
@dancingRainbow45
Idk. Food is different. And I already have a strenuous relationship with food and I kind of have a tendency to almost hoard food cuz I've been at the starving point before. And it's just, it's my backup coping skill for when other stuff isn't working and it's what I go to when I feel like I do right now and I've mostly just been crying when I think about it since I found out on Friday. I don't know how to substitute for this. I feel like when I was in the residential place and all I had was music and books and they took them both away and I had nothing left but I couldn't do anything because they'd just hold me down and sedate me and I don't know what to do. It's a little overwhelming.
I'm still feeling a little delicate. Looking forward to been able to unload in therapy tomorrow. I realised yesterday that I had some lovely friends who really want to support me. I managed to allow myself to accept some of that support and open up a little more to a close friend
@fearlessPapaya5168 Thats really good to hear that you have some lovely supportive friends. It can be hard sometimes to let people in especially if we are not feeling so good, but try and use that support when you need it papaya, the people who really care about you and are good friends will be there for you through thick and thin. How did your therapy go?
@dancingRainbow45 therapy was difficult. I was triggered and spent a lot of the session freaking out. I'm not sure we achieved much apart from I have more faith in my counsellor now (only started a few weeks ago). She was really good at keeping me in the room and clearly skilled in this area. I don't want to spend every session in this state though , I feel like I'm wasting my time when I just freak out and disassociate then she has to spend the rest of the session trying to keep me in the room. Feeling really crappy this evening
I want to do something destructive. I know intellectually it would not be a good idea. On the other hand it is one night.
@raychascotch hey rayca, sorry to hear you feel this bad that you wish to do something destructive. You had been doing so well with fighting this for many months now. Whats been happening for you lately to make you feel this way and did you manage to get through the day without hurting you?
@dancingRainbow45
I didn't hurt myself. It was a strong impulse. I thought about it was just a strong impulse. I think putting it out there I was just thinking about being destructive. It was enough to think it through. Nothing particular triggeered it. I am safe. Thinking through the choices I make and the consquences.
@raychascotch Well done you for managing to get through this without resorting to hurting you, despite the impulse to do so being really strong. You are strong and you managed this which is massive. Be so proud of that rayca you are doing amazingly :)
@dancingRainbow45
Not done very well in terms of self care today, feeling like a bit of a failure :(. Skipped out on seeing my therapist yesterday even though I knew I shouldn't, I just really wanted to pretend I was okay. Paying for it today :(.
I guess the one thing I have done is telling my company that I have PTSD. I wouldn't normally done it, as I am too paranoid it will become an issue, however where I am now are really sweet, and they are very understanding. Feels good that my lack of sleep and other things isn't just being judged as me being irresponsible. I hope this doesn't back fire on me though :(.
@Lilibuth12 Hi Lilbuth, Im pleased to hear that you felt able to tell your company about your PTSD and that they have been supportive of you. Thats a pretty big thing to have done. How does it feel having done that? Do you feel this is going to help you in your employment as a result of sharing this with them? Try not to be so hard on yourself for skipping out of therapy. Therapy is tough and sometimes even if you know you should be there, you just cant be. Perhaps you skipped out from fear, or anxiety, panic etc? Perhaps it would be useful next time you go to therapy to go over what led up to you doing this so that your therapist can try and find a way to help you in the future should you feel like doing the same?
@dancingRainbow45
Yer, it acually feels pretty good to have told them, though it was slightly awkward today as often when you say just PTSD with no details people want to know what caused it. They were very professional and didn't ask, but sometimes you can tell people want more information to sate their curiosity. Hopefully it will allow me to get a bit more leway at work for being tired and such, I find it hard to sleep some nights due to nightmares and general bad sleep so I tried to explain to them I may not always be 100%. Thankfully they seem to really respect my skills so I don't think it will put me in a bad situation. I hope so anway!
Yer I am thinking of discussing it with my therapist, but I always endup giving some terrible excuse when I skip, and I find it really hard to tell her I was lying, and I just couldn't cope that day. Makes me feel really embarrised. She keeps trying to make me comfortable just sitting in silence with another person, instead of panic speaking, and I find it so hard that I keep panicing. I have been trying to practice it all week and struggling to work out how to face her next week since I feel like I have failed. Maybe a tad dramatic lol. Urgh I dunno, I always go back but sometimes I just want to pretend I don't have a problem so I don't need to go through the hard stuff lol.
@dancingRainbow45
I've filled out the form before... Can I be added/tagged? Thanks.
For once since being here I can say my day's been pretty bad. I'm feeling defeated, betrayed, unheard, skipped-over, belittled, bullied, skeptical, and overall... Bleh. My plan, though, after I quietly/calmly get to the place where I realize it's okay and I have a valid reason to feel this way, is to take steps to heal by forgiving and letting go. (Certainly not for everyone, but it's how I cope.)
I agree, and your post couldn't have been put up at a better time (how conveniently ironic, huh?) than now. Thanks.
Hugs to everyone. Really... A lot of us care and I'm so glad I picked this community. It's been the best fit for me and I truly enjoy everyone's company/input/care/love. 💜
@BradyChay2310 I will add you brady but for some reason the form you filled out hasnt come through to the tag list. Could you fill it in again if possible?
@dancingRainbow45
Okay... I'll do it now. :) Thanks!!
I had a BIG deal thing happen for me!! Last night I had a rehearsal. It got over late at 11pm. It had been storming a lot! One of the girls in the show with me missed her bus. I could see the panic in her eyes! There before I could think about how scared I was/could be, I said, it's ok! I will drive you home. She was so thankful! Then I said a prayer and started driving! I went through the downtown part of the city (which is scary!!!!) and made it to her house! Then I drove home!!!!! And I did it!!!!! You all will never fully get what a HUGE step and break through this is for me!!!!! I'm terrified of storms! Terified of the dark! Terrified of getting lost!!! Terrified of driving in the city!!!! And I actually did handled all those things last night!!! I did it!!!! I can't explain how amazing I feel today!!!! I am so proud of myself - and I can't believe I was able to see the situation, and then take steps forward all by myself, and I was fine!! I just had to share!!!!! :)
@KLM3278 Yay! One should never minimize just how huge these moments are. Embrace it. Celebrate. Shout it out loud, as KISS would say. :-)
@melliotm Thank you!!!!
@KLM3278 So proud of you KLM and you should be throwing a party.!!! 
be very proud of what you did and accomplished for yourself because you did that!!! You showed kindness and consideration for someone else, put yourself out to help them whilst facing your fears with the storm. You are amazing :) You should do something nice to reward yourself. 
@dancingRainbow45
Thank you so much!! I did - I went out for lunch, got a salad and piece of cheesecake. Then I cleaned my whole apartment and now I'm relaxing!! And still feeling happy & proud!!! :)
@KLM3278 so you should :) You were amazing :)
@KLM3278
😀 This gave me the biggest smile I've had all day. Thank you for sharing your milestone and excitement with us. It is definitely a big deal and you should be excited. 😀
I am so truly happy for you! Blessings!
@BradyChay2310
Thank you!!!
