Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Wednesday May 24th 2017
It's a gloriously sunny start to the day here in the UK. Has your day started with sunshine, a sunny disposition? Or do you sense clouds overhead, or a day of finding your way through fog? Whatever the weather in your life, we're here to listen and support as a community. Come talk to us about what's on your mind. All are very welcome :)
@DeborahUK
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@AutumnLeigh @DeborahUK @PuppyLove13 @KristenHR @BradyChay2310 @HearingYourHeart @vriska @TreesandWine
@guyb @chayil @Sharkradio @MKjart
Psychiatrist appointment today. Dread, but not overwhelming, mercifully. Amazed that I was able to sleep through the night, though I dreamt about it non stop.
Don't want to do this. Must do this. Only have a few hours to bridge that gap. :(
@melliotm
I'm imagining that appointment must be drawing ever closer, so I just wanted to give you a gentle nudge towards it. Imagine the sense of achievement once you've seen it through. Plus I'd hope it proves beneficial for you from a medical perspective too. Remember the old adage 'face your fears and do it anyway'. Do it, do it, do it - you have much to gain.
@melliotm
Thinking of you sending good energy your way.
@MKJart @agreeableKite4304 @DeborahUK Well. Made it out in one piece. Appt was, dare I say, good?
Was open w/my shrink about recent depression struggles, sensory overload in public spaces, and anxiety about my appointment -- how it's hard for me not to envision & internalize psychiatrists as indifferent, often outright malicious authority figures. Triggers my trust issues, sets off hyper vigilance (esp the freeze and fawn response), etc -- even used the psychic vampirism analogy. He assured me that he sees the relationship between dr & patient as an equal partnership to find the right formula together; even outright admitted his fallibility as a practitioner.
Also told him a bit about 7 Cups (which he was unfamiliar with, but very intrigued by). He lauded my "resourcefulness" for taking initiative in proactively seeking out alternative coping strategies outside the box. Told me to keep it up, along with my mindfulness meditation and brrathing exercise.
Best of all, we didn't adjust my meds for now, taking a wait & see approach til next appointment. Felt that I was making progress, but that more time was needed to make any definitive conclusions. He was happy to hear that I'm establishing a steady sleep pattern & stabilizing on the hyper-vigilance front.
Said to be in touch if anything changes, or if the depression deepens, otherwise I have 7 wks to just...be. Oh, & I walked there. So, already met my daily goal.
@melliotm
That sounds like a great outcome! And you seem to have found a psychiatrist you can actually relate to as just another human being - quite a result eh?
Maybe bookmark this page somehow, and come back and read it prior to your next appointment in case your anxiety levels start to rise again.
Well done for seeing it through and taking another step towards healing.
@melliotm
Just wanted to echo everyone's sentiment here and applaud you in a good outcome for your appointment!
It sounds like you did a very good job of getting your concerns across and even found some connection. Go you!!!
by the way, what's QFT?
@themainjane QFT = 'quoted for truth'. And thanks :)
@melliotm
ah, quoted for truth.. new one for me
@melliotm
Aweswome!!!! I'm so happy it went well. Bet it feels good to just be heard too.
@melliotm
How did it go? I was thinking of you.
@melliotm
The play-by-play and support given by all here was so lovely to catch up on. 
Thank you for sharing with us all. I am so happy for and proud of you! 
@melliotm Hi mellio, how did the appointment with the psychiatrist go? Hope it wasnt as worrying or as anxiety provoking as perhaps anticipated?
I am going to a baseball game with my kids at school, a little bit anxious but getting better .
@jr50
How was the game? I hope your anxiety settled down and you were able to enjoy spending some time with your kids.
How's your husband now after his health scare?
@DeborahUK the game was ok, it w as kids day, so very loud! My husband seems fine, I am so thankful he got to a hospital! Thank you for asking.
@DeborahUK have headache today
@Asiam1971
Ugh! Never a nice way to start the day. I hope the headache went away and your day brightened a little. 🌞
@DeborahUK my day has just been veery hard
Good morning,
I slept better last night. Meeting a friend for breakfast. Little anxious I'll panic or have a flashback in public, but I'm trying to just recognize it and let it go to not make it worse.
I sense sunshine and connection with a friend in my future- The nagging idea that something will go wrong is an old way of being and I recognize that I'm safe even if it doesn't feel like it.
Have a great day everyone,
Mary
@MKJart Fearing the fear is traumatic in and of itself. Like you, I've had to learn how to both acknowledge and let go of that preemptive sense of impending doom, lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. All the best to you as you embark on and embrace your day.
I'm confident that you will not merely survive but thrive! :)
@MKJart
**Waves** Thanks for sharing your day (and I am so jealous you ate that... they are delicious!) in such a real way; you shared both your fears and hopes. I love to read things like that, it brings me so much joy! I am so glad you are a part of the community!
Not coping. Work impossible today with pregnancy medication enquiries and sick patients who i cant help. Feeling worse than useless and relapsing into self harm with the frustration. Considering not working tomorrow but know may get worse at home.
Sleeping still an issue with two nights of very little sleep and flashbacks. Not sure where to go from here. Trying to stay rational and logical but not sure if what i consider that to be is right anymore.
Just need a break from feeling down all the time and trying to protect everyone from how bad it is. Just alone and fed up.
@inventiveOrange1
I hope you can find someone to confide in. You don't have to keep your feelings and emotions in check all the time. Your family, your husband - - I'm sure they would be honored to support you.
I care about you and worry for you. Please also feel free to share what you can/need to with this community.
I think you remember me but just in case, you used to know me as Park.
I wish I had solutions. Please just know I'm here for you. We are all here for you.
@inventiveOrange1
I may be a bit late, but mind if I sit by you for a while? We can talk or just be silent.
I have messaged you, too. We can talk about whatever you like or nothing at all. Completely up to you. :-) Just know you are not alone and have a friend who truly cares.
I've got 6hrs, 15 min to turn this day around. Hasn't been bad just hasn't been great.
If I make it outside before midnight I'm gonna count that. I don't want to lose my two day streak.
on another front, the alcohol demons are hitting again and I've been fighting the urge all day. I can't help thinking tonight would be a good night for it - what's the harm?
It's very difficult to stay completely away just because something might go wrong (because chances are it won't).
@themainjane
How is the rest of your day turning out? I hope you're making this one a good day too.
I just wanted to share this link for any of you who didn't see it, because I think it's just so beautiful, even though I'm a cat person!
Hopefully it may brighten up the end of your Wednesday, or your Thursday morning, depending where in the world you are.
@DeborahUK
I think I almost felt something other than pain and fear today. I've had a few rather one-sided friendships (?) where I'd take care of them when they're down and they'd barely ask how I was doing. One of them realized that I urgently need some support and got me to go out with them and kept telling me the things I so sorely needed to hear. I'll be there for you. Please come over when you need to. There are people who love and appreciate you. We'll take care of you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 
@hereigoagain
That's wonderful to hear you have that support from someone who can physically be there for you, get you out, and offer you a much needed hug. Please now, allow yourself to accept that love and support - it's okay not to be okay. It can be hard to let down barriers and allow others to see your vulnerability, but this friend you describe sounds very genuine, so how do you feel about letting them in a little?
And as an online friend, let me remind you - There are people who love and appreciate you. We'll take care of you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ❤️
@DeborahUK
Oh I do let people in, I rather do it "inappropriately" quickly and "overshare" if I like them. I've been hurt so many times and I'm afraid of making the same mistakes and being abandoned again but I guess I just want and need people to be there so badly that I'll try again and again o.O
Thank you Deb <3
'Good' days can still be overwhelming apparently. Not a lot of time for self care , or to breathe -- psych appointment this morning, dinner guest this evening, more work on my basement. Am way overstimulated doing so much today after a recent pattern of isolation and can't seem to gear down.
Now my anxiety is being tweaked by intrusive thoughts about cross-contamination from chicken dinners, among other ridiculous yet nagging compulsive provocations hell bent on triggering a bedtime meltdown. Above all else is a sense of guilt over my inability to pull my head out of my backside and just be happy for once, to accept praise and admiration (and that I deserve it) without question or engaging in acts of subconscious self sabotage.
@melliotm Me, earlier today, from an IM convo: "...I've been getting more adept with addressing the intrusive thoughts and breaking the circular rumination that has been a big pattern of psychological self punishment."
Counting unhatched chickens, maybe...
(Of course, the response my friend gave was apt, and charitable, to say nothing of prescient:
"a small amount of that might never go away entirely, you know. It'll probably make periodic reoccurencies through your life. Ah well, that's utterly normal - there's not a single person on this planet who is neurosis free.")