Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in December 20, 2017
Blueprint To Help With Trauma/Triggers And Holidays
Although the holidays can be a happy and exciting time for some, for others it is a time of dread, feeling overwhelmed and anxious maybe even fear and wishing it would just be over already. This can be especially true for people who have struggled with trauma. The holiday season can be riddled with reminders of traumatic events. The holidays, the time of year, and being around loved ones can create the perfect storm and trigger both small and large traumas and their accompanying symptoms.
You cant always avoid family get-togethers or make the holidays go away, but rather than becoming like Scrooge and allowing yourself to get ambushed by difficult memories (or relatives) and overwhelmed by negative feelings, try to find some skills, or distractions or things that soothe you to ease the reactions around the holidays.
We know we suffer to some degree with trauma related stuff around the holidays. But we have the power to EMPOWER ourselves with skills to manage how these triggers affect us. So what is your BLUE PRINT gonna look like? Where are your escape routes? Here are a few skills that might help you:
Make sure you have an escape plan- This doesnt have to be dramatic as it sounds. By escape plan, I mean a way to get away from the crowds/family/holiday festivities/etc. and take a break. We all need our space, and that is even more important for a person who is continuing to address small (or large) traumas. Knowing you have a way to get time for yourself, setting boundaries, and sticking to your boundaries can be reassuring and anxiety-reducing.
Breathe! - It is amazing what a deep breath can do for the body and the mind. Give it a try right now. Take a deep breath and notice how your body feels after you do. When we are tense, we tend not to breathe as deeply and fully as we could. Becoming aware of your breathing is something you can do whether you are surrounded by loved ones at a holiday gathering or on your own. It is discreet; nobody has to know that you are practicing an anxiety-reducing technique.
Make self-care a priority- I cannot stress this point enough. During the holidays, self care is too often put aside in the interest of getting things done and catering to everyone else. It is OK to recognize your limits and say no to activities that will compromise your self-care. Purposely schedule your self-care and engage in activities that are restful and rejuvenating for you.
Dont miss appointments with your therapist- I know it is a busy time of year, but this is connected to my last point about self-care. If the holidays are difficult, stressful,or anxiety provoking in any way, this is the time to be consistent with therapy. If you arent in therapy, it is a good time to start therapy to have the extra support that may help you get through this time of year.
Let loved ones know how they can support you- It can be tempting to want to isolate, but doing so can actually worsen trauma and other symptoms, such as depression and anxiety. Let someone you trust know what you are going through and how they can best support you. If you dont know what would help, a professional could work with you and your support network to come up with a plan for surviving the holidays.
So again what does your "blue print" look like? Are you ready for any trauma related emergencies?
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I feel like I am coming apart I am so tired and emotionally everything.
Not sure how to make it through.
@Kuma0187 You can do this! We're all here for you, and we believe in you. Hang in there!
@Kuma0187
HI Kuma good to see you this morning
aawww Kuma I'm sorry you are feeling this way. What has you like this? How can I or trauma community help you to feel a bit more together? We are here to support you 
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thanks it is a very long story. Living alone for the first time in my life. Getting diagnosed with various things and still waiting for treatment. Lost everything that matter to me this year and trying to build a life but it is not easy. I spend a huge proportion of my day absolutely terrified. Not sure what more to say to explain. It is something short like this, or I need to write you a novel.
@Kuma0187
HIya Kuma great you are here nowTo start really living life on our own really can be hard to adjust. And then having some health issues on top of that. What terrifies you daily? Do you have friends/family to talk with or gain support?
Thanks it is a very long story. Living alone for the first time in my life. Getting diagnosed with various things and still waiting for treatment. Lost everything that matter to me this year and trying to build a life but it is not easy. I spend a huge proportion of my day absolutely terrified. Not sure what more to say to explain. It is something short like this, or I need to write you a novel.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thanks :)
It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Everything terrifies me actually. But a lot of it I can find ways to deal with, rituals and behaviours that make me feel safe. But the worst thing I am afraid of is being alone. I am also very afraid to be touched by a stranger. I try to make sure I have contact online or see someone I know in person every day to help with this. I play the sound of snoring and put a picture on my laptop every night so that it feels like someone is there sleeping.
I do have friends. I live in another country now and I have no contact with my family at the moment. My best friend here is my ex and I see him and his family as my family, but he does not see it that way at the moment so I have to try to keep a healthy distance whilst still spending good times with them when I can. I am hoping to win him back again because we only broke up because we were both really ill.
I didn't go out much before my life went through a big crisis six months ago. Since being in hospital I have really worked hard to build friendships up here and it is starting to work but it is slow going. I make up for the gaps by coming online to spend time with people.
@RumpleSteeleSkin thank u. finding it all hard.
@inventiveOrange1
HI Orange I'm glad you stopped in today Holidays can be so-so hard for many and hard to grab a hold of just a few skills to help it all lesson. Is there something I or the trauma community can help you with? We are here and would like to help.
@RumpleSteeleSkin thank you. trying to stay present and safe right now. words are difficult but here helps. Hugs
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thank you. This s very timely and practical for us... planning and preparing can make a difference. Plotting an escape route now.
@rozie
HIya Rosie great to see you today I agree with you in planning ahead if you can. Knowing a "way out" and not feeling trapped can also make a difference in how we look at holidays and people too. I am so happy you are planning some thing to help you out when and if you need it. I do hope your holidays are good
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Hehehe. This is so cute. Thank you for this. I am going to fill it out.
Make sure you have an escape plan- I am glad you mentioned this. I am going to need this. I am not going to have my car (driving up in my brother's car)... so.... I know there are two park-ish areas within walking/running distance. I can take long walks to those if I need to. The weather is going to be pretty mild, so it ought to even be nice. So, there! That helps! I can take my phone and ear plugs, go be by myself in nature, and listen to meditations. Yay I have also taken steps to prep my mom for the boundaries I will need directly upon the evening of my arrival, as well as boundaries regarding my preparation for the trip, and she has responded 100% supportively. Which is so odd for me... I don't even feel grateful, it's so odd. I'm just prepared to reinforce them, I feel kind of stonewalled to emotion around the boundaries haha. I just feel prepared to enforce them. Ya know, I think part of the reason I feel kind of stonewalled in the first place.... is that, since I started working full time at the beginning of December, I haven't really had any time for myself. I live with three other people, and someone is always home. Plus, I'm so busy now, I don't have time to just .... be. I'm at work during the daylight hours, so there is no nature when I'm off work. I mean, it's night. I've been making lots of appointments with friends, but... I haven't been getting the soul nourishment I need. At work, when I can, I take my lunch time to walk around in "nature" outside (walking the streets lined with car dealerships and a few trees by my office LOL). I'd been meaning to go walk in the nearby park during lunch.... it's seemed like a hassle, to eat AND drive AND park AND walk (for 20 minutes?) AND drive AND park. So I haven't done it yet. Hmmm.
Breathe! - I am glad you mentioned this, too. I am saving your text as a reminder to myself. I have been practicing Tao Yin lately (Tai Chi) and it has helped me to connect with my breath, too. This makes me think to continue practicing, as well as to remember I can simply breathe. So true. Becoming aware of breathing, and practicing deep, full-body breathing, is something that can be done discreetly, anywhere, at any time. I will remember this. My anxiety has been quite, quite low lately, which is odd for me... but at any rate, I will continue practicing. ***It is amazing what a deep breath can do for the body and the mind. Give it a try right now. Take a deep breath and notice how your body feels after you do. When we are tense, we tend not to breathe as deeply and fully as we could. Becoming aware of your breathing is something you can do whether you are surrounded by loved ones at a holiday gathering or on your own. It is discreet; nobody has to know that you are practicing an anxiety-reducing technique.***
Make self-care a priority- Leaving this text here, too. I have not cared for self enough, perhaps, this holiday. I can name times I haven't. But, I have at least set boundaries to care for myself during the remainder of the holidays coming up. And that is something. I will deliberately schedule in some self-care for the time I am visiting with family. I will do that right now, in fact... I need to think of activities that are actually restful and rejuvenating for me. Hmm. EDIT: OH MY GOSH I am so proud of myself. I just texted my entire family group chat and let them know that I would be starting off Christmas day in my own way, celebrating solo (in nature but I didn't mention that), and that I would be back around 8:30AM to meet the family, and that I would be happy to do any breakfast prep etc the night before. YES! I am tearing up I am so proud of myself for setting this self-care boundary. I have wanted to speak up about this for years, years, and years, but have felt unable until now. I am going to walk to a spot... and greet the sun rise. And meditate. And welcome the return of the light. I think this will start my day off SO much more calming than Christmas with my family has typically felt. Thank you so much for inspiring me to do this. ***I cannot stress this point enough. During the holidays, self care is too often put aside in the interest of getting things done and catering to everyone else. It is OK to recognize your limits and say no to activities that will compromise your self-care. Purposely schedule your self-care and engage in activities that are restful and rejuvenating for you.***
Dont miss appointments with your therapist- I am not in therapy. Two days ago, I had my first appointment with a life coach who is also a therapist. We are going to do coaching, with some therapy mixed in 
This woman has known me since I was a teenager, and I deliberately sought her out -- she was my first ever therapist. I think she will have some good insights for me, and be able to help me during this time in my life. So we had our first session two evenings ago. Our next session is in two weeks, the first week of January. I have my homework... I am glad that I set myself up with this extra support. I don't think we'll have contact between sessions, but knowing that she is there, and that we are working on things... that is enough for now. ***If you arent in therapy, it is a good time to start therapy to have the extra support that may help you get through this time of year.***
Let loved ones know how they can support you- Leaving this in, too. I think I have done a good job of this overall, with my family. Asking for what I want, telling what I need. Well, mostly telling what I need hahahaha. They have been supportive and responsive, even when I didn't expect them to be. It hasn't felt good or exciting or relieving or anything. I've kind of been blocked to emotions or something, because I'm wary about it and feel I need to close down in order to be able to protect my boundaries and to even be able to set the boundaries in the first place. So I'm not sure about that, I don't like the blocked emotion feeling. But I do think it's important that I set boundaries and I do think I'm making progress, so I'm telling myself not to worry too much about the emotions feeling blocked right now. It might not necessarily be a permanent state of affairs. I wonder if I ought to tell someone what I am experiencing with my emotions? I told my brother yesterday, and he didn't really have much to say -- he also has a very sore throat though, so it's probably more due to him just not wanting to talk. I wonder who else I can tell? In the immediate, I mean. ***It can be tempting to want to isolate, but doing so can actually worsen trauma and other symptoms, such as depression and anxiety. Let someone you trust know what you are going through and how they can best support you. If you dont know what would help, a professional could work with you and your support network to come up with a plan for surviving the holidays.***
So again what does your "blue print" look like? Are you ready for any trauma related emergencies?
@singercrystalspirit hugs crystal. proud of you hun.
@inventiveOrange1
🤗 Hugs back 😊
@singercrystalspirit
HIya Spirit glad you are here todayWow look at you plan a walking place-good for you. Walks do tend to ease our minds and tension especially with our favorite music on. I'm so glad that your mom is totally supporting you with the boundaries. That is a like a major plus there. Also reinforcing them in a way where you are feeling heard and respected. It is ok to not feel grateful as this may be new to you. Just enjoy whatever good feeling and even some bad feelings on this. There is no right or wrong way to feel on this. I see that the walks really do help you-when you can besides eating, driving, parking, eating, driving parking-lol. On times you can't get out and need to, look on google and put in, "mindful daily walks" Youtube will come up with so many that you mind at least can get to do the walk. Because you have been practicing on your breathing your mind and body are working together to lesson that anxiety- that shows you it's working! Aaaahhh that wonderful thing called self care....I'm glad that you are planning on some sort of self care. I think you are doing some of that now as setting boundaries, doing your walks and breathing. I do hope that you can enjoy the "me" time in the holiday break. Wow see how affective communication works out! I am so glad you communicate with your family on boundaries and what you will be doing also to enjoy some self care around the holidays. And do be proud of yourself...BE VERY PROUDiT IS GOOD TO HAVE EVEN A LIFE COACH TO KINDA TALK WITH AND EXPLORE NEW THINGS. aND BEST THING IS YOU KNOW EACH OTHER TOO. i DO HOPE THIS RELATIONSHIP TAKES OFF IN A GOOD POSITIVE ROLE IN A GREAT CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE. oops caps but Im so excited and happy for you
Yes you have so communicated with loved ones on what you need or want. hmmm can I suggesst something? Maybe don't over see-like over do on making sure the boundaries are met. You have communicated them very well. Now lets sit back and enjoy the holidays and maybe once in awhile you just need to remind someone? And maybe on these walks you can explore or let lose on your feelings. I was told over and over not to hide or press down my feelings over fear as they come up like vomit
In a safe place by yourself explore those feelings.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Thanks 😁 Thank you for confirming that. It helps a lot to hear you say it's ok how I feel, and there's no right or wrong way, as it's new. Lol on the walks. Thanks for that tip on youtube! I never thought of that. And thanks for confirming that my breath and mindfulness practice is WORKING on my anxiety... clearly it's also weird and new that I'm so much less anxious, so I appreciate that confirmation. Yeah I think I will enjoy some of the "me" time in my holidays 😁 Yeah I am starting to get the hang of this effective communication!! I just set a boundary with a guy I had slept with, too. He clearly wasn't interested in getting to know me and I had been mad at him for sleeping with me even though not interested in me. So today I thought you know what? Who says I have to be "nice" and stay friends with him. He's not being my friend. So I unfriended him from my Facebook, and deleted his number from my phone and blocked him from my contacts. For my own sake, ya know -- it's not like he was harassing me. So that I remember he wasn't my friend.
Thanks 😁 Ok, I appreciate your suggestion and that is a good point. I certainly will try that, sitting back, not being anxious about it, and knowing I have set them, and once in a while just be prepared to easily remind someone. And yes on the walks ok, I can let loose on my feelings. In a safe place by myself. I agree, it's not good to hide or press down feelings.
Thanks ❤ I will have to make sure I explore the rest of my feelings about this guy, too, so that I'm not pressing anything down there, either.
Hello!Thanks for the information, I always find something new and very beneficial in here and I bet so does others as well!Can't imagine how much it helps to others who're in crucial need for such information, resources so thanks a lot for all you people do in here, it's just life saving and beyond helpful for so many people me including!:)
Even despite that I found this place only many years after I was in utter need of support and someone who could help me to get trough awfully hard times, I still am to some degree in need now so this year I've spent around here (7cups) has helped me to learn so, so, so much, can't even put it into words.I learn more and more every day and every day because of that gets if not easier then at least more managable.I feel like during 8,5 year long getting to know myself journey...I've finally come to place where I can say that I feel very confident and comfortable with even managing most difficult of situations that tend to arise as I go deeper and deeper into healing myself.
I'm not sure what else to say.:D I have immense respect towards anyone in this community.All we do for ourselves and others are just beyond magical, powerful and epic, inspiring!:) Thanks a lot for being a part of my journey and thanks for letting me to be a part of yours!It has changed my life forever and only for the better.The strength I get thanks to this place is just beyond.
Spent most of the day putting up and decorating Christmas tree.It looks really lovely and magical!Makes me smile even more.Will share a quote by Vonnegut-"All was beautiful and nothing hurt.".These words reflect my today's mood perfectly well.:)
very informative and boy did I need this. Thank you so much
