Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Friday, 14th February 2020
Hey Trauma Community,
Today's topic sort of follows on from last weeks which was goal setting, goal setting and doing those goals require energy so my topic today is going to cover the fork theory spoon theory and energy basically.
please click HERE for the way Entropy system describe the above theory such an amazing video another explanation HERE too
The creator of spoon theory HERE
Questions
how many spoons do you have each day
how many spoons do you end up spending and on what each day
are you someone who must make careful choices in how you spend your spoons if so why if you care to share
how does being a careful decider make you feel if limited on spoons
of course this topic is optional wecan do a regular check-in if you prefer
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@CaringBrit and all Trauma Support subcomm (M) and (L) -
I've needed to come here and 'talk'/vent maybe even since Monday (Tuesday for sure). But I have not come to write yet. It is *late!!!* here now, but I wanted to write at least something in order to find this page again in the 'real' tomorrow(Friday). I have not yet slept so it does not feel like Friday at all, yet. ~ Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370 i get you fam!
@cyanPlatypus6370 heyy platy good to see you here i hope all is well
I'm a huge advocate of the spoon theory and have been for many years!
Thanks so much for sharing this! I tell many people about it. Some people understand it and agree with it. Others have mixed reactions, some flat-out disdainful about it. Que sera sera.
Interestingly, I am unfamiliar with the fork aspect. But I think it could help clarify the spoon theory for those who are hesitant about it. I like it.
For anyone who is interested in what I believe is the original blog/story that helped make spoon theory a thing, here it is (thanks the the internet archives!) from butyoudontlooksick
@wontwakewontsleep your welcome and thank you for sharing
@CaringBrit
I had heard the spoon analogy before but hadn't heard the story behind it. It was so interesting to see the woman who came up with it as well as to see other people who empathize with the concept!
Spoon and fork theory definitely apply to me. I do not have a chronic physical condition but I am very much affected by complex trauma side effects.
How many spoons do you have each day?
Definitely less than others. If a healthy person has 200 I would say I have 100.
How many spoons do you end up spending and on what each day?
- Walk dogs: We recently reduced the dogs's walk from 3 to 2 times per day; my husband does this walk which gives me a nice relaxing morning
- Shower: This is one of the things I most often de-prioritize when I feel "low energy" (low on spoons) or down due to dealing with intrusive/depressive thoughts
- Make breakfast: Hahahahaha. I almost never do this. There are all these "my morning routine" YouTube videos and almost all feature a stellar breakfast that involves cooking. Cooking and dishes first thing in the morning? I don't have the energy. I do always make coffee though.
- Commute to work: This one I obviously have no choice but to do. It takes a surprising amount of spoons. I find the experience really unpleasant. It's just a 15 minute commute by public bus.
- A.M. work: I work in a quiet setting. This is not too fatiguing as long as I have sufficient spoons that day. However if I did not sleep well the night before (I am insomnia and nightmare prone) this will be excruiciating and I will use my lunchbreak to nap.
- Decide what to order for lunch: This can be surprisingly fatiguing so I try to order the same thing on repeat as much as possible (korean tuna kimbap).
- Walk+metro to gym & walk+ metro back: I actually have found going to the gym to be pretty nice because it is a form of alone time. I take a nice shower after a short workout. It feels like solitude.
- Afternoon work: Not too too fatiguing. However I do not work in a demanding business environment like I have in the past. I was unable to keep up with the constant interpersonal interaction and task-doing. My current workload is lighter and does not involve constant interaction.
- Commute home: Also something that takes a lot out of me. I don't know why but I really don't enjoy commuting -- maybe it's that it is overstimulating and can tend to have complications. I feel having a car will make commuting less fatiguing.
- Walk dogs: The PM walk is mine -- yes it is pretty tiring. Why and how a trauma-affected person wants/has dogs I don't know. Despite having to walk them for their every bathroom break (we live in an apartment; no yard), I adore them. They make me proud. And they're so silly. So it's worth it. I guess I am going to be fatigued most days with or without them, so may as well have them since I love them so much. Moving into a home with a yard will be a big help one day.
- Order dinner: Cooking is out of the question
- Chores: Almost never happens -- I am wiped by this point. (Reframing chores and hygiene as a loving act of self-care may help me feel more energized and less depleted by them?)
- Do something fun": Nope -- almost always stay home
- TV/talk: This is what evenings usually come down to.
Are you someone who must make careful choices in how you spend your spoons if so why if you care to share?
Absolutely. I tend to cut socializing first.
How does being a careful decider make you feel if limited on spoons?
- It makes me look like an overthinker. I sometimes have to take advantage of "moods" just to be able to get things done (things that are not monumental tasks for others) -- for example if my husband wants to watch TV but I am "in the mood" to do laundry, I really need to do that laundry, because later the energy may escape me and fatigue will set in.
Another thing is that right now I have the option to move in with the family of a college friend. Thinking of trying to keep up with them makes me hesitant to take up their offer because I am afraid that they'll see how low energy I am and dislike it, or that I will try to keep up with them but crash, coming across as rude when I am too tired to put much energy into interactions.
@artfulbalance
yeah it definitely was interesting to see her story too she said at the end it didn't need to be a disability but could be anything where you feel limited so mental health trauma etc
ouch 100 not a lot to get through with
oh dear just reading your whole day that is a lot you would have to do I'm glad though you get a relaxing morning then some solitude in the afternoon too and that you work in a quiet work area too.
could commuting be the issue because theirs lots of people around maybe do you think
awww what breed of dogs do you have and what did you name them age etc.
I choose to cut that one first too and I understand why it costs a lot of spoons for sure
awwww it might come off as an overthinker but your not if you have limited spoons what else are you going to do not decide and burn out each time probably not so it's a good thing you're choosing wisely even if that might be frustrating as you also mentioned gotta take advantage of what you are in the mood for before it fades i highly understand that bit too
@CaringBrit
Damn it... I'd say that most days I wake up feeling like I have 2 or 3 forks and I can't do anything that day. I save them to get up, cook lunch, eat twice a day, and hopefully wash lunch dishes. Videogames may very slowly recharge a couple of forks, with very limited chance of loosing them, while often anything else, even being alone doing nothing depletes forks because I can never shake off anxiety. Thismmeans that when it's that bad, I spend my whole day in front of the computer. Lately I begun to feel like I have 5 or 6 forks, so spending them carefully I can get through the day without video-games. Anxiety is less pressing and forks don't go depleted by themselves, and I can try activities that hopefully will make me gain some extra fork. This morning I had breakfast and I did a little stretching. I feel like I still have 4 forks, but I know I'll have to cook lunch and my aunt and I didn't decide prior what I should cook, so I'll have to choose for both and this will cost me more than one fork, definitely, so I'm saving up carefully
@GhostlyLilian
I recognized it so much! It feels like planning a war everyday indeed, and now that I see it like that, it doesn't look like I'm not putting enough effort. I remember very rare days where I woke up with like 13 forks, and I still had to plan but damn it was all so simple and enjoyable! And I kept asking myself "is that how other people live?! Is that what I can do without mental health issues?!"
@GhostlyLilian having to plan can feel annoying for certain I feel the same way I always wish I had more but I never get so I understand how it feels it definitely feels like a battle a war
@GhostlyLilian
Ugh my teeth hurt. I must have clenched my jaw all night. I also have a sore throat and headache I think I'm getting sick 🙄 I don't have spoons for this ahahahaha 🥄🥄🥄
I cooked, but my aunt isn't show up. Anxiety is rising for the wait. I don't underage that woman sometimes. Yesterday she was pissed at me because I was "late" cooking and she feared she wouldn't have time to eat. She was home a good half an hour earlier than usual, she also had to get back to work half an hour earlier and SHE DIDN'T TELL ME, how am I supposed to cook in time?! Anyway she finished eating widely in time and she could also relax a bit in front of her loved TV. Was there any reason to be so worried?
@GhostlyLilian maybe shes just anxious on being late for work the time she had to eat seems adequate time, to be honest, did you try talking to your aunt in how it made you feel to be treated like that especially without prior warning shed be early etc and oh no on feeling sick headaches and toothaches are awful and no spoons oh dear
@CaringBrit
I should try to tell her. She always blames my bad organization, and sometimes it's true. I tend to always think it's my fault anyways, that I could do more, that probably I did something wrong as usual
@GhostlyLilian
Sorry for the many posts, but some stupid stuff just happened and I'm not understanding any of it. What the hill happened? Why am I a crying mess now? What am I supposed to do with today? How's the sheet of spoons and forks now? That's not the right section to try and explain all, but it doesn't make sense anyway. Maybe I'll post something in the trauma support section but what for? It's nonsense
@GhostlyLilian
Heyy there Lillian sorry for the delay in reply, you mean spoons right forks usually mean triggers are present or as entropy put it are to pay an upfront fee to gain spoons in return if you can make the downpayment to do something that will make you feel better
aww not 2 or 3 when you wake up ouch that cannot be very easy I know myself I'm limited but not by that many an ahhh yh anxiety the pain in the backside feeling it can be very draining for sue have you got any coping methods you could try when anxious
@CaringBrit
Yeah I meant forks as "coin" to pay up front, assuming most activities, if not very draining, will take away one fork. I was triggered badly yesterday and ran out of forks for the rest of the day and for today as well
@GhostlyLilian aww no i know the feeling and your not alone
@CaringBrit
Forks, spoons, it's confusing. Can't we have just forks with mental health? Forks are all you need you pay them to do activities and some activities will give them back
I had heard about spoon theory a while ago, but I'd never heard about the forks. I like that. Lately my spoons have been running out fairly quickly in the day, like even before noon. Heck, sometimes even by 10 in the morning. I've experienced this pattern before when I've been working through big emotional issues, so I know what's going on, but I really don't like it at all. And unfortunately, when I'm like this if I run into a fork it tends to really throw me for a loop. It's ftrustrating because I don't want to react in my PTSD default way, but it looks like it's going to take some real work to break out of that. The up side is that I do recognize what's going one almost immediately whereas in the past it would sometimes take me literally weeks to identify it and stop it.
@ShadesOfGrace glad to hear it doesnt take as long to identify whats wrong anymore that must have taken so much work already and yeah no one likes to wake up and lose so many spoons or run into a trigger of any kind either
@CaringBrit Yeah, I first became aware of my PTSD about 14 years ago. It sounds funny to even say that because I've had it for basically my whole life, just didn't know it was there. Lots of work, lots of little steps, lots of retraining thought patterns. No wonder I'm so tired! LOL!
@ShadesOfGrace maybe doing something you enjoy may help make you feel recharged whatever that might be