Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Monday 17th July 2017

Good Morning Y'all!!!! How are you all doing today? Im up bright and early, even if I don't feel quite awake yet, the coffee is yet to kick in I hope that whatever this Monday brings for you, is good and positive

I got to thinking about change, courage and how the two sometimes can very much go hand in hand. We need courage sometimes to make the changes in our lives that we wish to see for yourselves. Change too can be really scary and some people find coping with change really difficult. Sometimes one of the toughest challenges you may find yourself facing in your healing is digging deep and finding the courage to make the changes you need or wish for yourself.

Finding the courage to change your life, or aspects of your life that your not happy with, starts with an understanding that perhaps some of the ways of coping you may be using, the negative self talk, self harm, wanting to control things, isolating yourselves etc really isnt working anymore. It's often keeping you locked into a cycle, and a cycle that has become self defeating, where change is not happening and where you remain stuck. You sometimes have to get to a place where you really own and accept that it just wont help you to keep doing things the way you have been, how you have had enough of being stuck, and want to begin reclaiming your life back after trauma.

Sometimes the reasons we fear change may be fear of embarrassment, fear of failure, and fear of success, yes that right the fear of success!! Because stepping outside your comfort zone, is unfamiliar. Almost nobody is afraid of success, but there are people who avoid it, deny it, or reject it. Not wanting to succeed is a rational consequence of the fear of failure. Past experiences of trauma may feed our fear of success. For some survivors, the excitement of success feels uncomfortably close to the feeling of arousal they may have experienced when subjected to a traumatic event. People who have experienced trauma may associate the excitement of success with the same physiological reactions as trauma. They avoid subjecting themselves to excitement-inducing circumstances, which causes them to be almost phobic about success. Also many survivors have been conditioned to believe that the road to success involves risks such as "getting one's hopes up" - which threatens to lead to disappointment. Some survivors have been put down all their lives, told they were losers their whole life, in one way or another. These messages become internalized and subsequently Survivors have such little self worth that they don't believe they are deserving or worthy of success.

When you are afraid to make a mistake for fear of looking bad, foolish, stupid, or incompetent, it is very hard to try something new.
As a survivor it may be difficult to accept that you do have the right to ask for something that you need or want, you have the right to choose, the right to say no without having to justify this to others. Instead of believing conflicts and disagreements with others must be your fault, maybe part of your change will be accepting that its not always your fault when things go wrong or when there are disagreements happening around you. As a trauma survivor you may have been blamed for everything that happened to you. Part of your change may be finding the courage to not take things personally as you may have been used to doing, and letting go of the responsibility you may feel, accepting that you have no control over how others react to what you say or do, and that they are responsible for their actions, their feelings.

One of the hardest battles you may face, is learning the difference between what can be changed and what cant, and not setting yourself unrealistic expectations or goals that are just not obtainable. For some of you perhaps finding the courage to change things will involve acceptance of your limitations, acceptance of yourself or who you are, good warts and all, changing what you wish to change eg your behaviour, your reactions and responses. Perhaps the hardest change for you may be growing self respect, setting healthier boundaries for yourself and with others, learning to let go of guilt, shame or blame.

So my questions for you today to think about are:

Are you able to begin to challenge the negative self talk, the limited belief system you hold as survivors of trauma, the self perception that you just cant do this?

Are you able to start reaching out to others who will help you along your journey of making those changes you wish for yourself no matter how hard? Having the support of others, can really help you feel supported as you begin to make changes for yourself.

Are you able to begin to put one thing into you daily life that brings you joy instead of holding onto old patterns of being that lock you into isolation and unhappiness?

-Having the courage to make changes going process that gets easier over time. Its a process, that embraces the courage to make mistakes and to have life unfold in ways you didnt expect. While some changes happen quickly, many take months or years to fully take place. We still need courage to keep going and keep building our lives the day after the change and the day after that, too.

What will give you the courage to step into the new and unknown?

This is your safe space to share with others whats happening for you, the good, the bad, the inbetween. Healing from Trauma is tough but its made easier when we are able to share with one another and seek support. Be kind to yourselves

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