Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Monday 24th July 2017

Good Morning All Ive been thinking a lot about todays checkin and decided given how much this issue has come up for some of you recently, to let the focus be on the issue of self forgiveness, a concept I know many of you struggle with.Guilt and shame may be an unrelenting source of pain for you as a trauma survivor. You may believe that you'reto blame for your traumatic experiences and condemn yourself repeatedly. Shame and guilt can feel very similar, both leading to Survivors feeling bad about themselves. Guilt can be seen as a feeling of being disappointed in yourself for violating an important internal value or code of behaviour. Feeling guilty can be a healthy thing: it can open doors for you leading to positive behaviour change. With shame you can feel a disappointment in yourself but no value has been violated. When we feel guilt, we feel badly about something we did or neglected to do. When we feel shame we feel badly about who we are. When we feel guilty we need to learn that it is okay to make mistakes. When we feel shame we need to learn that it is okay to be who we are.Guilt also may simmer in your unconscious but this guilt which doesnt belong to you, can be insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage your goals.

You may feel guilty not only for what you didnt do, but also for what you did do, for the choices that you made in impossible situations, or what you didnt do, for not fighting back etc. This guilt may infect your thoughts, for wishing someone pain, misfortune, or even death, for wanting revenge on those who caused you pain, you may even feel bad for lack of feeling such as unreciprocal love or friendship. Although irrational, you might feel guilty for someone elses thoughts, attributes, feelings, and actions and Survivors are very good at trying to make excuses for others behaviour, even when its clear, they are not responsible.

Survivors often judge themselves based upon the blame or false accusations emanating from others, which they believe to be true and which they carry on into their adult life. Survivors of trauma often feel responsible and hold themselves accountable for the actions of others, when they themselves were the victim.

Beating yourself up for something that was not your fault prolongs guilt and shame and damages your self-esteem. Self forgiveness is essential for your healing. For Survivors of trauma their inner critic is continually yammering away, looking for something, anything, to find fault with. It magnifies small failings into big ones, punishes you over and over for things long past, ignores the larger context, and doesnt credit you for your efforts to make amends. Therefore, you really need your inner protector to stick up for you: to put your weaknesses and misdeeds in perspective, to highlight your many good qualities, to encourage you to keep getting back up when things feel really tough, and frankly to tell that inner critic to Shut Up.

For todays checkin, it would be good to know what your inner protector know about you? What would it shout back about to your inner critic? Could you write out some statements to yourself here, which reflect more of an empathic understanding, appreciation, and forgiveness of yourself? Would you forgive someone else for the same actions? Why would you treat yourself differently? How does it benefit you to continue to punish yourself?

Perhaps you could fill in the following I am responsible for ______ , _______ , and _______ . Let yourself feel it. Then add to yourself: But I am NOT responsible for ______ , _______ , and _______ . whilst remembering to begin the process of self forgiveness

Self forgiveness is such a hard area for Trauma survivors but so essential in their healing process. Can you take a step forwards self forgiveness here with everyones support today?

This space is yours, to share with one another whats happening in your life, the good, the bad, the inbetween. Healing is hard work and its important that you put yourselves first, whilst showing kindness to yourself.

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