Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Monday December 11 2017.
Good monday, 7 cuppers!
How was your weekend? How are you doing?
The end of the year can be very hard on a lot of us, but it can also be an opportunity to close cycles and find new beginnings to look forward to.
This year, before new years, I am going to take vacation with my mother and sister, to just relax and let others handle holiday organization. I want to make it the most relaxing experience, since 2017 was full of stress and trauma. To me the best way to receive 2018 is to welcome it with the amount of calm and wellness I want to have for the whole year.
This year I want to make holiday resolutions, as well as new years resolutions for 2018. So far Ive come up with these:
- To hug everyone
- To make people laugh (I laugh when others laugh)
- No fights!
- No mentioning the past
- No judging others
- To call or text all my phone contacts to give them my best wishes
I hope you guys can also find a way to close cycles and enjoy this time, because life is made for us to enjoy and from what Ive gotten to see during this year of the Trauma family, you have been through so much! Somehow, you still manage to go on, inspire others, keep fighting, and sharing kind words with the rest of us. That is amazing, youre wonderful people and deserve to be able to enjoy, not just the holiday season, but the present in general.
I know of course the past wont disappear and that trauma and mental illness is our current reality, we cant cheer up and get cured. But maybe we can let go a bit of that past, maybe we can find room to detach from the negative.
I leave you with a reflection from the mind of Paulo Coelho:
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
You can check out his entry on closing cycles here. BIG HUGS TO ALL!
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I processed some very painful emotions last night.It felt so real like I was back there, felt the panick, the helplesness, the fear and like wasn't able to escape.Couldn't differ for a moment that it's not actually happening and that I'm safe.Managed to get myself back quite quickly but it was very scary and hard to be so in touch with my past feelings.Now just getting some time for myself and letting myself to rest.I think I'm very afraid of getting hurt so badly ever again and that's something I wasn't aware before.I also make everything too safe, unnecessary just to prevent myself from the smallest risk possible that such things might happen again but because I don't need such safety in reality, it starts to bother me because I play way too safe in my adult life and miss lots of opportunities, chances because of being so afraid and building my life around safety instead of what I need, want, dream of having.
@Morfo66
Hello Morfo,
Thank you for sharing, I experience the same things like flashbacks and it's really hard. Also, I really feel for the part that you said you want to keep your life safe.
@exuberantTriangle2562
Hello!I'm sorry that you have to go trough it all, it's very hard indeed.Yeah, keeping life safe is ok thing but once it starts to limit the growth...That's when I know the changes must happen.Stay strong and good luck with your journey, thanks for reaching out, means a lot!
@Morfo66 Hi Morfo,
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I, too, have felt that fear and limited my options because of it. How are you currently feeling about doing that? It sounds to me like you're nearing a bit of a breaking point, like you don't want to give in to the fear anymore. What kinds of things do you currently limit yourself with, and what are the ones you're most fed up with? Sometimes making plans can make things less scary, so how would you go about pursuing some of these things that were scary before safely so that you don't end up too triggered? Also. do you have a therapist to help you through when you get flashbacks like these? The can be very helpful in safely and calmly sorting and provessing these emotions healthily.
@Hoxenos
Hello!Thanks for your reply!I'm just pissed that something bothers me.Now I can get rid of the stuff that limits me and that's why becoming aware of it all was so crucial for being able to make changes.I'll get back to therapy on Thursday, this week.Have been in therapy on and off for 2,5 years and I know I'm quite drained.It's just a lot to deal with but I know that I can make the changes needed, that I'm not helpless and I've the strength to handle all of this despite it being hard.Mostly it impacts my life quality, bothers me work wise and relationship wise, limits my own personal growth and being the person I want to be.
@Morfo66
Hi Morfo,
That is such a unique and terrifying expierence, isn't it? As I read you, I feel like I am reading something I would have writen. Taking risks after life shows us how scary feeling at risk is, can be specially hard. Even knowing by logic that we are currently safe doesn't make it easier. The only thing that has helped me in that aspect is to think of all the possible consequences and how I would respond in each scenario, but I can't say that is a solution. I hope that you can find peace soon.
hugs
@PenguinsCrossing
Thanks! <3
@Morfo66
I'm proud of you! Processing truly is intimidating. In my opinion it is the biggest step, it can really help dull that pain as you find new understandings. I wish you well on your journey of growth!
@Consciousawakening
Thanks!<3
@Morfo66
Awe, ❤️ Thank you for this inspiration!
All sorts of traumatic experiences, one might be one getting their hopes up and eventually be dragged down and at times being able to trust someone in vain and be left vulnerable after that. Its really devastating and most ppl just resume life normally without the consideration of those who hurt in silence and when they shout you're being categorized.
Another is trying to find help locally but since one was very well involved with their inner thrive and overcoming things alone, never knew help was far reach or not. One becomes dissociated
@DoORTry
Hi DoORTry,
Thank you for sharing. You are absolutely right, it is harder to reach out for help when we are or feel isolated and other people don't show the support we need. Empathy is a rare quality to come by when others are caught up in their own business, however, I am glad you've found this site at least, someone will always be here to listen and we have been through similar experiences, so we understand. I don't know if you are familiar with the resources that we have here, but here is a link to that part of the forum:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/TraumaticExperiencesCommunity_60/TraumaRecoveryResources_481/
I hope you can find more support soon, feeling alone on top of the effects of trauma is one of the worst feelings, please keep reaching out, some people need a constant reminder that we need their support, and you never know what new resources you can find.
@PenguinsCrossing
Thanks for the link.
Sometimes finding help is least of a traumatic experience and those that really hurt maybe will never be known.
What you had said about not mentioning the past really made my heart ring. I will be practicing this as well!
My weekend started off low, there was some miscommunication between my boyfriend and I on how to handle a matter. After chatting with a listener I gained some understanding of why this was happening, and by Sunday we found new perspectives with eachother deepening our communication. This has brought me hope with the matter of how we train the puppy and deepend my understandings of myself and how my traumas have surfaced into my waking life. Knowing some of my reactions stem from my past is helping me realize only a small portion of my stress is due to whatever waking matter, but instead is coming from my past as it has had no closure.
Thank you greatly! Both for the supportive community and being so aligned with what I have been needing!☺️
@Consciousawakening
Thank you for sharing <3
aw puppies are stressful, but adorable and bring so much joy in the long run. I'm glad you can identify why you react in certain ways to things, i.e. the present situation in front of you vs a trigger of the past, this is not to say, don't ever think of the past, but rather, have it in mind so you can be living more in the now.
@PenguinsCrossing
Thank you, I find it beautiful that you are so motivating! My past has helped me in many ways, I will never forget what has shaped me, but I do want to be wary about how much I process as I can easily over think and dwell causing unnecessary anxiety. So true with puppies! ❤️ They definitely are worth the stress. I love how they end up taking care of you just as much as you do them, teaching you to tame your worries to make sure you give them the best!
@Consciousawakening
Thank you !
NOOT NOOT
@kebabman
welcome kebabman :) noot noot
Ugh. A snow warning has been issued for my region and I find myself mentally stuck in an indecisive space regarding how to proceed with my day. Have a psychiatric appointment scheduled for this afternoon, right when the storm is supposed to be most intense. I don't want to be physically stranded. So I'm debating whether I should perhaps reschedule now, as opposed to waiting till the last minute to call. However, at the moment the weather is crystal clear. It's an appointment that I have been waiting several months for, and don't know how much further out I will have to wait if I reschedule. I had my day carefully planned out, but i find all these disruptive intangibles to be quite stressful at the moment (on top of the stress of the appointment itself). The uncertainty is really setting off anxious feelings and intrusive, racing thoughts. Feel dizzy and trembling. Trying to stay grounded and present but my trauma brain is going haywire. Hate this time of year so, so much.🙃
Well the weather held out so I decided to chance it. Taxi got me to my destination a half hour early, so I'm just trying to keep myself grounded and present while I wait. Agoraphobia and social anxiety are running wild but I'm doing my best to manage. And breathe.
@melliotm
Yay! I so relate, I have social phobia and agrophobia as well, so this makes me ecstaticly proud! I know how big the battle is and the extra effort it takes. It is a daily struggle but it makes for deep minds. :)
@Consciousawakening Made it through my session. Just waiting for my taxi to arrive and take me home. Really looking forward to lying down. Self care for the rest of the day for sure.
@melliotm
I so understand! About this season, and having that anxiety when there is anticipation with appointments, holidays, upcoming events. I end up overthinking and find so many reasons not to go, very valid reasons too, but I often forget to look at the reasons for going. I will try things to distract my mind but still imagine the event before it happens. If it feels too much it is okay to fall back, things happen when we are ready for them. There is no pressure, this is what they want to be there for rather than causing it. If you explain this to whomever, I am sure they will be understanding. Try stimulating all of your focuses, mentally-physically-emotionally. Something like getting all warmed up and going into that weather that brings us all down and making it fun by building a giant snow castle(if enough snow). Or using your less dominate hand to paint or write. Something that is unusual and challenging causes the brain to put more energy into places we dont light up as much neuron-wise and then we cant keep trying to paint that picture of the future. Also try writing a list of reasons, how you will grow if you go and how you will grow if you dont. You still will grow either way which is the beauty in life, it is all how you want to take it in to grow. From what we eat to each action we invest and each thought we reflect. You are a very strong, wise soul, I see it shown to people so often in these pages!❤️ We appreciate you either way!
@Consciousawakening Aw, thanks ❤️⛺😊
@melliotm
Thank you! ❤️ You brought so much hope to me today!
Last night I found something to be true I always kinda knew but was told was in my head. My parents did know about my sexual abuse and never got me help or even talked about it. It caused trust issues with my family because there were things that happened that told me they knew but I was so young I couldnt tell for sure. When I was older and my mom freaked out on about why I was so stressed I told her they should know and had to open and tell them about it only for them to lie and pretend they didnt know- which I felt they were lying because their reaction wasnt very surprised and they didnt cry or have any kind of release. I finally found out last night because my dad let it slip out when I was asking why they did nothing for me then. He said he did do something which was to yell at the boy who did it to me, which a. He had to be abused as well because he was so young to be doing this to me which makes me feel bad because he probably got even more messed up from his trauma and b. Still wasnt helpful to me because I just needed strong parents and to get help dealing with the heavy thoughts it entailed that I felt alone in working through and processing. It just made me feel very disconnected with my family and like I had to be the strong one because they couldnt face it at all or even talk to me about what happened. I so much so wish I had a more supportive family. Some sense of family security- my brother was angry and violent growing up for a topper. 0 family trust.
@Consciousawakening
apologies for the word jumbo, it isnt easy to articulate right now because I am still processing. But I had to get it out because I knew what I felt was real, to feel like they knew and for them to act as though they didnt when in reality they did.
@Consciousawakening ⛺❤️ I hope you are able to give yourself the self care and self compassion that you deserve after processing ❤️⛺
@melliotm
Thank you! ❤️ I deeply appreciate this. Self care definitely will be the main focus to my day. Truly thank you I needed this reminder! 🏔⛺️❤️