Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Saturday 1st of December, 2018
Happy Saturday to you! It is always so awesome to be here with you and I am really excited to hear from you a here. 
How are you feeling? :)
You know it was a big surprise for me but can you believe November is already over? 
Usually I do not care about these kind of dates but it just happened so that there was a whole lot of thing happening with me last month and actually there are some changes for me that will happen over this weekend so, in a sense,actually my December will be different than my November was in some small ways.
Anyways, how was this past month for you? If you would like to share anything I would be glad to listen :)
Of course, I know that this last month of the year can be really hard for some as well and it can be scary going into it or just to acknowledge the passage of time at times.
What are your feelings about this up-coming month? Is there something you are looking forward for or maybe something you are not?
I know I am looking forward for all the pretty lights but I also know that Christmas is usually hard for me but, still, you know, pretty lights :P
I mean, I am like a cat, easy to be distracted with pretty, shiny things. >.<
Either way tho, I am just happy to be here and I am really looking forward to hear from you or just to see you around or whatever you may feel comfortable with. There is absolutely no pressure on you to answer any of the above questions even just saying hi is totally fine if you feel like it!
@redmark
Hello. This week has been exhausting. I'm having so much trouble with dissociation and the fallout it causes. Just feel like giving up honestly.
Hello @affectionateNorth4018
@NeverTooFar
Hi
@affectionateNorth4018
Dissociation is difficult to deal with. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't expereinced it what happens and why you can't remember things. I hope that this next week will be better for you.
What is dissociation? @practicalIdeal2007
@Kmaldrich
I've been trying to think of the best way to describe it. Dissosiation is where a persons mind disconnects, sort of. There are different kinds so for some people they are replaced by an alternate personality, for others (like me) I continue to appear semi normal but its been described to me as ultra focused. When the mind becomes overwhelmed, for apparent or non apparent reasons, it bails out and parachutes safetly to another place or no place at all. In some cases you are suddenly aware of yourself min, hours or days later. No recollection of what happened in that timeframe. I scramble to use phone data, internet data and any notes written to determine what I might have done or how I spoke to during that time.
I'm not sure if that explains it well.
So its like a lapse of time or an alternate reality your brain creates to protect its self from stress/emotional overload? @practicalIdeal2007
@Kmaldrich
That's the general idea.
@practicalIdeal2007
Hi. Thank you for your thoughts, acknowledgement. I'm struggling but determined to move forward through this. It's exhausting tho. I know the feeling of scrambling to piece together lost time. Everyday I backtrack thru my phone, emails, texts, receipts to see where I've been, who I may have talked with, where this body has been. Since it's been worse, I've become isolated. Again, thank you. I hope your week is going peacefully.
Hey there @affectionateNorth4018 *offering safe hugs*
We are really happy to have you here with us!
I am really sorry to hear that you have had such a hard week. I can imagine it has to be hard and really exhausting to deal with dissacoiations but I am really proud of you for making through it and being here with us now. I know it may not be much but I want you to know that you are doing a good job and we are all here for you! I mean, I do believe in that we can make through this together and I do believe in you!
If there is anything we may be able to help you with feel free to reach out to us here anytime :)
Stay strong and aweosme!
@redmark
Thank you. I'm not good at asking for things for myself. I guess it feels like I'm not capable and I have almost always been able to rely on myself to figure things out. Lately, the discouragement I feel at not seeing my situation improve, perhaps even worsen, is heavy. Everyone tells me I'm doing the right things, trust the process, healing takes time. It doesn't feel like I'm healing. I'm being torn open everytime I have a dissociative episode and terrified of ending up in bad places.
Like I said, I'm not good at asking for things for myself. I'm not sure what is even okay at this point. Blanket forts, books, and my bear are good when I need to calm myself. I'm glad I'm here tho. There are people here who i don't have to explain everything to.
@affectionateNorth4018 Yes, healing takes time, but it is a hard process and it is okay to feel the way you do. I mean, your feelings are always okay and valid.
You know, I can see that sometimes people are making things out like asking for help is a weak thing and it can really stick with you if you are surrounded by people like this but it is not a weak thing to do. I mean, it is a really hard and scary thing to do so if anything it shows strength and bravery, something that you have reaching out here and that I am proud of in you! :)
Of course this is a long learning curve and it can be hard as well sometimes but it is okay to ask for help and rely on others at times, it is not you "failing" or anything. You know, you are not in this alone, we are all here and together we will get through this. Or, well, I do believe in that anyways and I do believe in you! ^-^
i never come to this forum, because i struggle to stay positive, and there are too many flashbacks waiting for me here. But...
the last 6 weeks have been so horrible, i can count over 19 shocks in 6 weeks, and one of them almost killed me. i have lost and lost and lost, until i can barely think. PLEASE Do NOT say you're sorry. i hate hearing that. if you can't say something nice.... (like: "i'm glad you survived, i'm glad you came back to try again", etc.)
i'm having a lot of difficulty with this site, my computer died and 7Cups locked me out. i had worked soooo hard to be helpful and to learn and contribute, and when i began to falter and fail no one even asked what was going on. then i was gone for weeks, and when i finally get back on, only strangers say they missed me. 
i feel soooo uncared for, unappreciated, unsafe, unwell and angry. this is the worst time i have had in years and it feels like no one cares. here i am posting to a bunch of strangers, because the 'real' people in my life are so unbearable to me.
@Gustymoon123
Hello. Im glad youre here.
Hey there @Gustymoon123 *offering safe hugs*
It is so nice to have you here with us!
You know you do not have to be positive here, the way you feel is always valid and important and so are you and we are here for you no amtter what.
Of course, I can imagine that after going through all that in the lst six weeks you have to be really drained and this whole thing and just reaching out in general, has to be really hard for you but I am really glad you are here with us now and I am just happy and feel honored that you have decided to put this amount of trust in me. Thank you! :)
That sounds like a lot of hassle with computers and 7Cups for sure. I mean, I may have not known you beforehand or worked with you around here but still I am glad that I have got to know you now and I think making it through all that you have made it through is pretty inspirational actually. Or at least your strength and bravery inspires me anyways!
I know this is not the same and never really be like having "real" people in your life being there for you and caring but I do want you to know that we are always here for you if there is anything we may be able to help you with or you would just like to share what is on your mind.
And it can be anything, really, if you are feeling down and not "positive" it is totally fine to share it here as well. We are in this together, through the bad and the good as well. :)
Either way tho, I want you to know that I do believe in you as you are already doing a really amazing job and I do really look forward to hear from you again sometimes! :)
Oh...and P.S. - is that a seal? I had no idea that seals are such furry, fuzzy - and cute - creatures :P
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
thanks for the lovely reply, redmark.
currently, I'm feeling tired, confused, and yet I'm in a ah-ha moment. Its a long story, but a friend of mine has me looking at my life from a different perspective which I'm in awe of.
Anyways, how was this past month for you? If you would like to share anything I would be glad to listen :) this month has been up and down health wise, dealing with migraines and emotional stuff and gout, I'm stronger for it.
What are your feelings about this up-coming month? I'm worried that Christmas is just another day and I'll be super depressed
Is there something you are looking forward for or maybe something you are not? my birthday is on the 13th, I'm redoing my hair.
Hey there @Rebekahwriter13 *offering safe hugs*
It is really nice to have you here with us!
Oh...our birthdays are only 3 days apart then it seems like. It is kind of exciting! ^-^
Anyways, sorry :P
That sounds interesting actually. I mean, it is always hard when you are trying to figure yourself out and watch at yourself from an other perspective but I am really happy to hear that it is working well for you so far! :)
I am sorry to hear that you have had to go through all that at this month. I mean, migraines are just the wors for sure and I can imagine it had to make your whole month really hard with everything else going on as well but I am really proud of you for being so strong and making through it, just as you have said.
Oh...yep, Christmasis hard. I mean, for me as well it is one of the worst times of the year but we will be here and I believe in that together we can make it through :)
Also, having your birthday sounds really exciting for sure and also just having your hair re-done sounds really nice as well. Do you have any plans for your birthday and/or your hair? :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark I hope you can find some joy in the holiday, even in the little things. I enjoy cooking during the holidays.
my hair I'm cutting and dying purple and blue.
my migrianes, I think, are hormoneal or sinus, but none of the doctors seem worried because I only have them less than ten days a month, sigh. I'm seeing a new doctor next week.
@Rebekahwriter13 Oh, wow, blue and purple sounds really awesome! ^-^
I can imagine it have to be frustrating to have doctors just not care and listen to you like that. I do hope that with the new doctor you will be seeing it will be different and they will be able to help you with it. :)
@redmark I'm so nervous
@Rebekahwriter13 *offering safe hugs*
How come? Is it because of the new doctor you will be seeing?
I mean, I do really hope for the best of you anyways, with that and just in general! ^-^
@redmark I'm just afraid my doctors are going to basically blame it on my weight and I'm birth control (for female health reasons and it makes it very hard to lose weight)
I went to a town Christmas tree lighting(I actually missed it cuz I was late) yesterday and seeing all the kids and parents crowded around town hall was... annoying. Since when did I become Scrooge?
sorry to hear about your past month maybe your birthday will make this one better:)@Rebekahwriter13
@Kmaldrich I know Christmas is pushed to kids, but I love the lights, songs, hot cocoa, and hope, I try to avoid the bratty kids too. (Note: some kids are good, but there are always a group of kids who never had discipline in their lives, sigh. They are the one who usually cause chaos.)
I hope my birthday turns out well.
Hi Red
I always enjoy how positive and upbeat your posts are. Plus you always have great GIFs and pictures.
Today was a little rough. More crying then usual And just a whole lot of feeling like why am I here? I dont even want to be here. But I am, so I will be. But dont expect me to be happy about it because Im not particularly. I want to be grateful about the life I have but I just keep thinking why? So much pain for so many years. Sad inside.
Texted into a hotline tonight. They tried to help and I know them that well but I didnt realize that unlike one of the other online services I utilize where everything is confidential, they save information about you here. Because they saved the name I gave them and information from previous conversations I have had with them. I am sure they have good reasons for doing that but I did not realize My information was being recorded and I am not super pleased about it. I guess I was under the assumption that it was anonymous and I felt more comfortable that way. I also felt like I was kind of being handled Tonight. I am sure they are abiding by their policies and procedures and doing what they feel is best and thats fine but I found it to be a bit of a frustrating experience. There have been a lot of minor frustrations yesterday and today. Wouldnt be such a big deal but when youre already dealing with flashbacks and terrors from the past, the little things sometimes become a much bigger deal.
Hey there @pioneeringBanana1598 *offering safe hugs*
It is always so nice to hear from you around here!
yay! I am glad you like my posts and the GIFs and pictures I choose, it really means a lot to me! :)
You know I think it is kind of an illusion. I mean, I do not think constant happiness is really even possible. I mean, that's what you are seeing and hearing from everywhere to be grateful and happy but those are just masks. Most of us go through though times, some go through more than others, but still. I mean, life is not just happiness - sadly - but I think the important thing is to try and get a healthy balance of happy and not-happy moments as well.
I mean, I am using not-happy because I feel like there is just more to this than just happy and sad.
Of course after all that you have been through I can imagine it had to be especially hard for you and I am really sorry to hear about all that but I want you to know that I am glad to have you here with us and that I have got to know you here! :)
Oww...that sounds a bit frustrating. I mean, I think it is still confidential in a way that it is for only inside use so they can most likely help you better knowing your "record" they keep but I feel like it is definitely and information that they should disclose with everyone that they will keep a record of you from the get-go.
I can imagine it has to be hard that you anonymity - and privacy in a way - now damaged like this and it can probably make it harder for you to trust them. Probably you can address this with them? - I mean, considering that it is free to contact them maybe you could tell them that it makes you feel uncomfortable and if they could tell you why exactly they have this record and who can access it to clarify. Of course it is up to you, it's just an idea.
Sometimes it can get really hard as well when there are just so many policies at place as it can make things very formulaic which can work at some places but not really for helping and supporting people through hard times. I mean, I found at least that I do enjoy it much better and find it much more helpful when I can just have a more casual conversation with someone and sharing my issues in there.
Either way tho, your feelings are always valid, you do not have to justify them, ever. Also, I am glad you have shared all this with us here today and put your trust like this in me. :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Thank you. I appreciate that you always reply to posts and you are so positive and upbeat while being realistic at the same time. I really appreciate that about you.
I am struggling today because of some bad memories from the past. Im still kind of trying to work through them and figure out if they were real and actually happened or if it was just what I was afraid would happen or whatever. My therapist said it could be either way but it does seem to feel more like something that was related to this particular memory did happen. Just sends me into an almost panicked state Because the memory your thing or whatever that in my head is so repulsive to me and so very opposite of anything would ever choose to do. Plus I think at the time it was presented as being something so awful and youre so gross and dirty and disgusting that this happened to you or whatever. I mean, as an adult I can try to reason on it and say I dont think that it really couldve been my fault but Its so hard to get there emotionally. I just get sick and I feel like I wanna throw up and then I feel like I dont wanna be here anymore. This kind of memory is the kind of thing that makes me feel like sometimes I dont even want to be alive And I am really struggling with that today.I want to be here, but I dont. Overarchingly, I do want to be here and I do plan to be but its just so… I dont know what. Painful? Overwhelming? Distressing I guess. Having a difficult time coping with it.
@pioneeringBanana1598 *offering safe hugs*
That sounds really hard for sure. I mean, I guess you know it as well, just to make sure, it was not your fault. I mean, whatever happened with you. It does not define you. It only defines whoever did it to you. You are so much more. You are still here, standing strong, no matter how painful and overwhelming it may be. You are reaching out for help and you are working on healing yourself.
You are truly awesome and inspiring. Your strength and bravery that you show in the face of all this, it is what defines you. It is what makes you such an amazing person.
Of course, I know it is not so easy. I mean, just me saying this will not make all those thoughts and and feelings go away and it is okay. The way you feel is okay and the fact that you decide to face these thoughts and memories with the help of your therapist is a really important thing.
Your feelings are and always will be valid and I will always value it when you share it with me. It means a lot to me. I am glad you find my replies helpful in a way and I want to be here for you - and others as well - and I will be here if you will be needed to be reminded how awesome you are.
If there is anything I may be able to help you with I am always here, although may take some time to reply on week days because those can just be pretty busy for me. Either way tho, I am here and many others are and I do believe in that we can get through this together and I do really believe in you, after all you have already shown how amazingly strong and brave you are so we can do this! ^-^
@redmark
Thank you 😊
