Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Saturday, 1st of June, 2019
I have really missed you all so much. 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share? :)
It is the first of June and, at least here in the northern hemisphere, the start of the summer. ^-^
We have had really bad weather with a lot of rain and cold temperatures but just like the weather know it, everything cleared up for today to the start of summer. :)
There is just something nice having the sun shining and just the heat of it. Of course, I know it is not summer for everyone around the globe now but I am really looking forward to just soak in some of that nice sunshine :)
Still, I am wondering. If it is summer for you do you have any plans for this summer?
Also, just in general, do you like summer? What are your favourite things to do on the summer? :)
Of course, as always, all of the above questions are optional and there is absolutely no pressure on you to answer any of them. If you would just like to say hi or sit around with us you are always welcome here as well.
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I'm pretty relaxed at the moment.
Week's been good. I bought a chest binder, my mum started calling me Rain, stuff like that.
In the summer, after school is out, we're going down to the coast for a few days. Apart from that, nothing much.
Hey there Rain! *offering safe hugs* @ItsReganingRain
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
yay! - I am still really happy and excited for you and your binder and also for your mother being so supportive. I am really glad to hear taht you have had such a nice week and now you are feeling relaxed like that. :)
I do hope you will enjoy your time when you will get to the coast and that you will be able to recharge through the summer without school :)
Stay awesome!
Hi! My week has been okay. School is finally out. That means no more bullies, but more time around my abuser. So, it has it's ups and downs. It has let up just a little. I also rearranged my room, so now I have more places to hide! YAY!! This is my one year mark for my braces. That means only 2 more, I think. 🙂 Have a awesome day. Bye!!
Hey there @aiko123 *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you here with us!
I am glad to hear that school is out for you and you do not have to worry about it and the bullies there for a while. I am sorry to hear that it means that you will have to spend more time and home tho. I do hope that you will be able to stay safe in your new, rearranged room now. :)
Also, do not forget, that it is okay to ask for help if you ever feel unsafe and you do not deserve bad things happening with you and it is not a sign of weakness to reach out for help - quite the contrary actually. No pressure on you tho, I just want you to be as safe as possible as you do really deserve in and deserve to be loved and cared about :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@aiko123
Hi there, Aiko. I know I don't know you or your situation so feel free to tell me to give you space if you need it. I'm glad that you feel you can come to the trauma check ins and your ability to remain positive in the face of so much negativity is truly awe inspiring.
I want you to know that abuse is not normal. What is happening to you does not HAVE to be happening to you. No one deserves abuse. I was in an abusive situation myself when I was younger and it took a long time to reach out for help because of feelings of safety or the fact that it wasn't really possible to leave. So I know that there is no easy fix, but I wanted to give you some links just in case you're interested. If you feel unsafe on the computer, perhaps use chrome and use "incognito mode" or delete your history after viewing these links.
This is a site for sexual abuse or domestic violence directories around the world.
Please be safe and remember that you are not alone and you don't deserve this suffering. If you're not ready to click these links, I understand, ok? You're not letting anyone down or anything like that. You get through this however feels most right to you, I trust you.
@Hoxenos
Thanks to you and Redmark!! Thank you both for being there for me. And thanks for the links.
Today, I felt embarassed I got on a facebook group.
I had read the rules. . . I understand I could not mention suicidal thought and such. . . "Triggers"
I said I was worried about my dark thought . . . I did NOT mean suicide. I was referring to stress. I am a very straight forward person as most people on here may have noticed. Dark thoughts were referring to me being so choatic and stressed that it's a meshed together.
However instead of the mod just not positing my post, she posted that I made a mistake for everyone in the group to see. I felt like I was getting sent to the principal's office on the first day of school. . . I have a lol of social triggers . . . now I feel I have more social triggers on facebook.
I am just trying to find support groups because I am trying to make friends that understand my worries, anxiety, tramua, depression and PTSD.
@Rebekahwriter13 I had to delete my facebook years ago because it caused me sooo much anxiety. Sending positivity your way!
@thoughtfulStrings9198 I use facebook for games and working with other writers. I also have a few female health and anxiety groups there.
@Rebekahwriter13 that's cool that you write. What do you write about? I think it can be useful. I dance for fun and sometimes I feel like I miss out on things that others know because they are on it and I am not.
@Rebekahwriter13
That sounds stressful. Sorry that happened to you. We
@pioneeringBanana1598
Hugs. Thanks you.
Hey there @Rebekahwriter13 *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you here with us!
I am sorry to hear that you have had such an experience in that facebook group.
I can imagine it has to be very hard to have something like that as your introduction to the group there...
I suppose the moderator might have misunderstood what you have meant but it still just feels like possibly one of the worst ways to deal with it given the whole situation. I am honestly not even exactly sure what was their point doing so at all...it is really just unfair.
I suppose as it is a facebook group they could have just contacted you personally and actually get to know what you have meant with those words and help you re-word it a better, more fitting way. I mean, communication is just so underrated nowadays sadly, for some reason :(
I can imagine it can be really disheartening as well when you are just started to try to open to others as well but I want you to know that I do not think you have done anything wrong and I am really proud of you for being so strong and brave to try to open up like that as I know it can be really scary and hard. You are doing a really amazing job. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thank you, I have been through so much and I felt embarassed and rejected.
@Rebekahwriter13
I understand those feelings. Im sorry you felt that way. Im glad youre here with us.
@pioneeringBanana1598
I wish the therapist on here too my insurance, but I believe you have to pay for the therapist on here. I have been here almost two years
@Rebekahwriter13
Oh yeah, that makes sense. Do you have a therapist in real life? I have one that I see face-to-face that my insurance pays for. I can only get to see him like once a week and that wasnt doing it so I got one online too. I do have to pay for that one out of pocket. Not through here, I think I hadnt found 7 cups yet when I started the online therapy so its through a different site. It helps though.
@pioneeringBanana1598
I have anxiety getting outside sometimes. I know that my anxiety 9 times out of 10 is my brain overthinking. However it's the moment I don't think and I am not ready, then I get hurt.
I would love to have an online therapist, but I live with family and have no privacy unless we did everything bu email. Like a therapist penpal. LOL Interesting concept.
I'm seeking new therapist and new doctors.
@Rebekahwriter13
I can understand that sentiment. I also have spent a lot of time feeling like afraid to relax inside because you feel like the moment youre not on your guard is a moment that something is going to go wrong. For me, I know its definitely a big part of the PTSD. But it also makes life very stressful. In fact, just the other week my therapist was pointing out to me that that line of thinking is not really sound reasoning. And I hate to admit it but he was right. He pointed to a recent event in my life which had been a big change and not necessarily one that I wanted or foresaw. He asked me if I had been anxious and on edge about everything, would it have stop that from happening? And the answer was obviously no. Im not there all the way yet but I am starting to learn that sometimes maybe its not such a bad thing to relax. Its still scary, dont get me wrong. But I can see how being anxious and on edge about everything all the time isnt beneficial for me in the long run. It increases my stress level, the anxiety gets worse sometimes depression gets worse too.
anyways, thats my two cents, for what its worth. Im glad that you are seeking a therapist and doctors. I hope you find ones who are a good match for you. My first in person therapist was OK but not great. The second one though, is fantastic. I feel like he totally gets me and its made a huge difference finding someone who was the right fit for me. I hope you find that too.
@pioneeringBanana1598
I like to be prepared, and my anixety makes a mountain of mole hill so over prepare for things, if that makes sense.
Honestly I just wish I could stay in my computer corner and write and get paid to write, but I have to sell myself to get my stuff out there.
@Rebekahwriter13
I can understand that. What do you do for work? I assume it has something to do with writing, based on your user name. :)
@pioneeringBanana1598
I can't work as I get several anxiety and panic attacks and I have female problems so bad but none of my doctors want to fix any of it, so I am pain emotionally and physically.
7 cup have helped or I probably wouldn't be here. They keep on the good side of the edge.
@Rebekahwriter13
Im sorry youre in so much pain. I can definitely relate to experiencing high levels of pain, especially emotionally.
Im glad 7 cups has helped and Im really glad that youre still here. I dont know you very well, but you seem like a really nice person. For what its worth, Im glad to know you. You matter.
@pioneeringBanana1598 Thank you and that really made my day.
@Rebekahwriter13
Sending safe hugs 🤗
Hi Red
I guess at some point time going to have to make up my mind about whether I feel like I deserve to live or not. Its a struggle sometimes, but I want to get to where it safe to be me.
Hey there @pioneeringBanana1598 *offering safe hugs*
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Well, if you ask me you do definitely deserve to live. I know that feelings can be really complicated some times and do not make much sense. I mean, I am really sorry to hear that you do struggle so much but I do really want you to know that you are not alone in this. Here we all are here for you and, I might be naive, but I believe in that we can get through this and things can get better. I do believe in you. I know how strong and how brave you are and you already made such amazing steps already and I believe in that you can get through this. :)
Also, I do not know if that matters much, but I would definitely miss you, a lot. But, you know, I do not want to put any sort of pressure on you and I do not want to just act like you are okay because of me, it is just what it is, I think you are an amazing person and someone I am glad to know, someone that I am just glad to hear about every once in a while. :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Hi Red. Yes, it does matter to me, thank you. Thanks for the kind words and the reassurance.
Having a lot more thoughts about hurting myself today. Im not acting on it and I do believe Im safe but its still stressful to deal with that. Life stressors and what not. Thanks for having lately that make it feel like the cycle of abuse is starting all over again. Its not, this is a completely different situation, but there are certain things that trigger and seem very similar there are certain things that make me feel like I wasnt treated fairly and things happened that I had no say or control over which I did not agree with. Anyway, Im physically safe and everything, but its hard because sometimes it feels like the past is starting to repeat itself all over again. And then you just get terrified. Even though I know its not true, there are enough similarities that Im feeling very very very uncomfortable. And kind of scared. Hate it.
@pioneeringBanana1598 *offering safe hugs*
It does certainly sound really scary to have all those triggers around you. Even if they are not intentional they can be hard to deal with and can really be overwhelming. I was wondering if you do have someone you could talk about these. Someone you could share how you are feeling. Someone who may be able to help you to de-escalate or avoid these situations - or just be there with and for you.
I know that can be really scary too to share all these with others and there is absolutely no pressure on you but I want you to know that you really are not alone in this and you do deserve to be heard and to be loved and cared for. You are an amazong person. :)