Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Saturday 22nd of December, 2018
Hey there! It is soo awesome to see you around here! 
How are you feeling? :)
How have you been, how has this week been to you? :)
With Christmas right around the corner I know that some of you may not look forward to the coming week as it can bring a lot of challenges and just generally can be busy and hard. I mean, it is for me at least so I though I would just pick that as a topic for this check-in and make this a place when you can vent your worries or just ask questions or help if there is anything on your mind :)
I mean, I know it about myself at least that I can find it hard sometimes to ask for help and it can be especially hard around this time of the year when everybody is just "happy" and merry around me and I just do not want to pull them down but I have lately started to learn that it is okay to share my feelings, even at times like this.
I know it may be hard for you but I just want you to know that your feelings are valid and important, always, and so are you and we are here for you, you do not have to get through this coming week alone! :)
As usually, all questions are optional of course and if you would like to just say hi and/or sit with us a bit you are always welcome to do so. I mean, it is nice to have you around here with us no matter what.
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@redmark today I have no words so going to just sit here for a while 😭
Hey there @crimsonLime6525 *offering safe hugs*
It is always really nice to have you here with us!
Can I just sit with you for a while? :)
@redmark I would like that
@crimsonLime6525 yay! ^-^
You know we could even build something like a pillow fort to be cosier place to sit in. If you want, that is :)
@redmark a pillow fort would be good
@crimsonLime6525 PIllow forts are always good to have I guess and it is also good against this cold weather. Well, at least the weather we have here is cold anyways :P
Also, it just looks pretty, isn't it? :)
@redmark a pretty place for me to hide
@crimsonLime6525
Hi, dear. It's okay if you don't have anything to say, just being here is enough. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling great. We are here with you. <3 Can I sit with you as well?
@Ayla that would be nice thank you
Hello.
Feeling a bit empty right now. I feel A lot of feelings coming. Not sure what all exactly. But its a little difficult. Probably processing some stuff. Whos talking to therapist and then online crisis counselor yesterday about a flashback/body memory Id been having.
Im afraid I think. Im afraid to be/try fully living in the present. If feels like perhaps I havent been fully present in many years, perhaps since that very traumatizing event happened. I dont know.
Im afraid of the many, many things right now feels like. Im afraid of change even though I hope it will be for the better. Afraid of getting comfortable and having the ground fall from underneath me like it has happened before. Im afraid of the kind of person I really am on the inside. I think that terrifies me quite a bit. And then it even scary to admit that Im afraid. Because you feel like if you show any weakness, then its Giving people an in, or an opportunity to know where to Hurt you or attack you, because they know where your weakness or vulnerability is. Pretty sure thats how it may have gone for me in the past. So that even asking for help become scary because you dont know if youll really be helped Or if they will use that knowledge against you to hurt you.
@pioneeringBanana1598
I hit send too early! I still had a little more to say. :-)
My point was, I guess Im not living in the past anymore so its probably safe to come out now. Even to come all the way out of myself and not be hiding anymore. Its probably safe but sounds scary and Im not sure how to do it. Its been so many years. But I want to feel better so badly. I hope.
Hey there @pioneeringBanana1598 *offering safe hugs*
It always so awesome to hear from you around here!
Oww, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that. Processing memories and just facing them like that can be really hard but I am really proud of you for being so strong brave that you have decided to face them with some professional help. You are doing a really amazing job! :)
I can imagine it has to be a really new thing for you though and changes are definitely really scary. I mean, I think there is nothing wrong with being afraid here and I think it is understandable but you have been doing a really amazing job already so far and taking this step by step you can do it. I mean, I do totally believe in you anyways and we will be here for you through the whole time. ^-^
I know it may sound stupid but asking for help and being not happy is not really a weakness. Not for me anyways. It's just being human. It is just an illusion that everyone has got everything figured out and that they are always happy and content. It is simply just not true but for some reason people who admit to not being happy or content are still been shown as weak when, in reality, all they do is admitting something that everybody is going through and deciding to face it and work on it. So, for me, it is quite of an extordinary thing, something to look up to and be proud of and so I am proud of you and many others here.
I know it can be really hard as well to trust anyone after the things you may have been through and there are bad people out there who may use all this against you but, as I have found, they are the minortiy. I have been wearing some dark glasses for quite some time as well and it can really be hard to see at times but there are people out there who care and who are willing to help and just support you. I mean, I am not saying you should trust anyone with all your secrets but just try to keep an open mind to it and try to see the good in people. That's what I do anyways and it is - mostly - working. :)
Also, I think you are a pretty neat person. I mean, of course, I only know about you what you have been sharing here but based on that you seem like someone who is caring, srong, and brave. Just in general, as well, I think people who have been through and have worked through properly such things emotionally and mentally are the nicest people ever. I mean, as much as it may be a generalization there, it is also important that they know what it feels like to be hurt and therefore most likely will go out of their way to not make others feel the same. Or, well, at least I do believe in that anyways that you are a pretty awesome person! ^-^
Of course, changes are - and always will be - scary so, for now, just take your time and take it one step at a time. There is no race here and I do believe in that you can make it and I do believe in you. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thank you for your encouraging words.
Im having a down moment. Honestly I just kind of wish I didnt exist anymore. Too much pain for so long. I cant even try to make sense of it in my head right now. It hurts so much. I just wish for nothingness, blankness. I am sorry. I know it can be draining to be around someone who talks the way I am right now. Sorry.
@pioneeringBanana1598
Hi, Banana! I admire your courage for sharing so much with us. I can see you are afraid of leaving your comfort zone and being fully present, and that is very understandable. You're very brave for coming here and for letting us into your story. I know what you mean, if you feel fully comfortable, what happens if things suddenly change again? While this is a valid fear, little by little, with the help of our support network, we can overcome it. You have us to talk to and you aren't alone in this journey.
@Ayla
Thank you both for your kind words. Im beginning to realize, I think, that to feel truly content or secure in any relationship or friendship or whatever, Im probably going to have to learn to like and more importantly, care about and respect myself. That whole self love thing or whatever. Sounds terrible. Well maybe not terrible but it doesnt sound like something I really want to do. But I suspect its part of whats going to get me to where I want to be in life and in relationships. I feel like I dont necessarily really know how to go about doing that though. Ive been this way for so long, pretty much for my adult life. I dont really know how to change it sounds scary. But I want to keep feeling better and I want a better future. Still kind of scary though.
@pioneeringBanana1598
I am so proud of you for realising that. Self-love is definitely important and while it may seem terrible or something impossible, it is important for everyone. Once we have some self-love inside us, we start to believe the good things the others would tell us, too. I know it's difficult and it isn't an easy task when we are clouded with negative feelings but little by little, everything is possible. Even making yourself a nice cup of hot chocolate today and telling yourself how awesome you are could be a step forward.
@Ayla
Ha, it
How are you feeling? :) I've been the best I have all year
How have you been, how has this week been to you? :) this week has been awesome. Holiday is coming up and I'm so excited.
Hey there @Rebekahwriter13 *offering safe hugs*
We arte really glad to have you here with us!
yay! I am really glad to hear that you are feeling so well! :)
I mean, I can imagine having Christmas just right around the corner has to be exciting and I hope you will have an amazing next week. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark it actually has to do with Twitter and few celebrities liking my tweets, but Christmas is exciting too
@Rebekahwriter13 Oh! 
That sounds super exciting for sure! That is soooo awesome!
@Rebekahwriter13
So happy you've been feeling good, Rebekah! I wish you wonderful holidays <3
@Ayla I hope others are excited and feeling better
Hiya @redmark!
Love the cute little fox, awesome thread as always.
I've been feeling rather low these days, I had a surgery done to extract 2 of my wisdom teeth and it's been terrible but starting to feel a bit better.
How are you?
Wishing you all a safe and happy Saturday.
Hey there @Ayla *offering safe hugs*
It is always so awesome to see you around here!
I am glad to hear that you like the thread and you like the gif that I have picked. It really means a lot to me, thank you for your feedback! ^-^
Oww, wisdom teeth are just annoying. I remember I have had a rough time with mine as well and I am sorry to hear that you had to deal with it as well but I am glad to hear that you have got them removed and I hope you will have a speedy recovery! :)
I am, well, just the usualy December depression I guess. I mean, this month is not the best for me emotionally and mentally usually but I guess it could be worse and this year is not that bad so far - not the best but not that bad either. Thank you for asking :)
Also, thank you for the well wishes for today, I hope you will have a good day today as well and a good weekend ^-^
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thank you for the kind words, dear <3 It is very annoying but I hope it will settle soon.
I hope things will be good for you, I know the holiday season could be very depressing ... The good news is, you have us, whenever you need us.
What helps you the most during these times?
You too stay awesome <3
@Ayla It's....well....I don't know. I have many bad memories attached to this whole month with not only Christmas but my birthday being in December as well and it is always bringing some up but it would be just a lot and I do not really want to go on here forever about it. This month will pass and it will get better, I know it will, it is always like this for me.
Other big thing is the loneliness which is...hard. Especially because all these holidays are about celebrating with loved ones, going out with friends and neither of that is really a thing for me. Or, well, part of my family is here but that doesn't last long usually either, we do spend like an hour or two on Christmas together and that's all. So, yep, that's kind of hard. Being here I guess helps with that tho, although, I have to admit that even here I can feel a bit alone sometimes as well but that is most likely my fault.
Either way, I am trying my best to keep on top of this and I am doing an okayish job so far I think. I mean, don't worry about me, I'll be okay as the new year starts :)
@Ayla Wisdom teeth surgery is the worst! I had all four of mine removed a few years ago so I definitely empathize. Hope you feel better soon!
@Kate
Thank you, Kate! At least I have a good excuse to eat ice cream more than once a day! :D
Today's been a bad day. A month of constant nightmares is kinda getting to me and my body's not helping with pains and all. I'm working on it with my shrink and partner, and we've figured where it all's coming from. Just takes time to get out of it all I guess. I'm just really tired, physically and mentally.
Trying to remain positive tho. We're headed to my partner's family tomorrow for the holidays. Mixed feelings about that, not being a social person or good with ppl, but we gotta go out now our comfort zones at times and all that.
Hey there @OneErased *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you here with us!
Aww, I am really sorry to hear about those nightmares. I can imagine it can be very tiring but I think it is really amazing that you are so strong and decided to face it like that and I think it is a very important step that you have found the source of them and I am sure that with time you will be able to ge through and past them. I believe in you anyways!
Until then, of course, we are always here for you if there is anything we may be able to help you with. You are not alone in this :)
That sounds like some pretty good plans for the Holidays tho. I mean, I can imagine it can be scary as well but you will have your partner with you there and I am sure the family will love you as well. I hope you will have a nice time there anyways! ^-^
Stay strong and aweosme!
gosh, the more i read these posts the more i realize i have found a place where there are people just like me :) such warm, human people who have the same doubts, fears, and joys that i, and perhaps everyone, has. i so relate to the fear of opening up because you're afraid of being hurt. and to not being a people person and feeling anxious in a lot of social situations. as i start to unlock the trauma i have been through, it's comforting to know that i'm not alone. i'm trying to convince myself that i have innate worth and to love myself after many years of denying myself that love, but it's hard sometimes. i so appreciate everyone's stories and sharing of their emotions, it makes me feel a lot better, and i offer whatever support i can give to all of you. happy holidays 
Hey there @crimsonSpruce612 *offering safe hugs*
It is really nice to have you here with us!
I am really glad to hear that you are feeling like that here, like you belong. I mean, I can tell you that you are always welcome here to just share whatever is on your mind or just to sit with us whenever you may feel like it :)
I know it can be really hard still to love and value yourself still but we are all here and we are in this together and I can see that you are a really amazing and caring person, offering support even at times like this, which are still hard for you.
I guess this is really the best part about this place. I don't know if you know the dictionary of obscure sorrows but it has a word >socha< which describes that illusion of perfection that everyone tries to keep up, even though we all know it is not true, and it is just feeling so nice to have a place where you do not have to wear that mask :)
I mean, as I have said, it is really nice to see you around here and have you as part our little family here! :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark hey thanks redmark! its so nice to feel so welcome :) i would love to sit with you guys anytime.
i love to give support when i can because it makes me feel better too. thanks for telling me about the dictionary of obscure sorrows. i like it a lot! and that word hits home with me, becuase i try so hard to be perfect even when i know its not possible. i guess abuse and emotional neglect can do that, make you feel like you need to be perfect to earn people's love.
thanks again
@redmark
Yesterday was pretty shaky. Got a last-minute appointment w my counselor in the afternoon. Hanging in there a little better today but worried about the next week.
Hey there @ReallyRuth *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you around here with us!
Oww, I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard day yesterday but I am glad to hear that you have been able to meet your counselor and it has helped you to feel better a bit coming into today :)
Of course I can imagine next week still has to be stressful with everything coming up. You are not alone here tho, I want you to know that we are here for you and together we can get through this. I believe in you!
Is there maybe something specific making you worried or is it just the whole busy-craziness of the next week? - I mean, if you do not mind me asking this. There is absolutely no pressure on you answering this if you are not feeling comfortable doing so :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Thank you for talking to me. I have alot of extra work stress at the moment. Mostly, though, really overwhemed with family stuff. This week will have alot of extra togetherness and less outside support.
@ReallyRuth Oh, I can imagine it has to be hard. I know that sometimes I do need some me-time as well and I am sorry to hear that you will not get much of it. I mean, I don't know if it matters but I want you to know that we will be always here for you just whenever you may have a break or after this whole craziness is over :) *offering safe hugs*
@redmark
Thank you so much. I will definitely pop by 7cups if I am struggling, which seems like all the time recently. 😪
Just wanted to say hi. Christmas is hard for me. My daughter is with her dad part ofvthe time so I feel so alone. I have no friends iirl or support system. Thanks for being here.
Hey there @RedHawk6547 *offering safe hugs*
Thank YOU for being here! It is always really nice to see you around here!
I am sorry to hear that Christmas is such a hard time for you and I want you to know that you are always welcome here to just say hi or share whatever is on your mind or just sit with us. Whatever you may feel comfortable with but you are not alone in this and together we will get through this. I do believe in you! ^-^
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark this week has been okay, but a bit lonely :/
Hey there @Mellietronx *offering safe hugs*
It is always so nice to hear from you around here!
I am glad to hear that you have had an okay week but I can understand that it can be really hard around this time of the year feeling lonely. I know it is not the same, but I want you to know that you we are all here for you if there is anything we may be able to help you with or if you woud just like to be around here with us! :)
Stay awesome!
I am having a no choice option to stay with a person with no boundaries. I don't wan to share or discuss my issues or past trauma with them nor discuss theirs. I have let them know that from the beginning before I entered their realm. It is a temporary situation but I feel mentally unhealthy for me here but have no real choice at this moment. Looking for suggestions too I guess.
Hey there @Lolowise475 *offering safe hugs*
It is really awesome to see you around here!
Oh, I can imagine it has to be really hard that you are not able to set your own boundaries at a situation. I mean, I am not sure what kind of situation you are at exactly but I am just wondering if you can try to tell them, maybe go out for some walks to be away from them and just get some fresh air as well?
I mean, as you have said, this is a temporary situation and probably it could be helpful as well to just sometimes get yourself some extra "me time" to recharge a bit as well as maybe tell this to them and see if they would be up to have some boundaries at least.
Of course, it is highly depending on the situation itself whcih I, still, do not know. Either way tho, I want you to know that you can always come here and we will be here to help or support you or to just be around if you ever feel like you need it. Together we can get through this, I believe in that and I do definitely believe in you! :)
Stay strong and awesome!
