Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Saturday 8th of September 2018
Heyo every-amazing-one! I do hope you are having a good Saturday so far! 
I am Red - for short - and I am really glad that I have got this opportunity to meet you all here. Of course I know you have been through a lot lately and this may not be the best time for you all but I just do hope I will be able to get to know you better over time and be able to support you and help you grow. :)
I do know that this will take some time and for now I just want you all to know that I am really proud of you for being so strong and brave to come here and reach out for help in spite everything you have been through. You are dong a really amazing job! 
For now I would just like to get to know you, get to know the amazing and lovely person that you all are!
For this I am curious, what was your most recent achievement? - Anything matters, even the smallest thing. Let's celebrate you together! :)
Also, do you have any small goals you have set/you could set today? - It can be important to set small and achiveable goals to help us grow as well to help us keep focused while not overwhelming us with too much to do. :)
...and, of course, most importantly: How are you feeling today?
I cannot wait to get to hear from you all and get to know you a little bit better!
A list of awesome people: @Rain45 @Avaray @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @raychascotch @KatieMoon1 @Tamba @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana @inventiveOrange1 @HearingYourHeart @TreesandWine @guyb @Sharkradio @MKjart @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69 @sheaintgotnoshoes @rationalWillow8882 @DeborahUK @AMusicalSilence @catsith @energeticPenny8 @Rebekahwriter13 @behindhazeleyes @sensitiveShade5337 @singercrystalspirit @wittyTree8219 @Ocendade @Rpjrx @Brooke12 @tenacity37 @Raveninthelabrynth @Axeman53 @kkSp3nc3 @blissedNblessed @Softforesthsp77 @AriannaPink @sereneSoul23 @promisemehope @IPreferWinter @Zombii @Godborned @Jessica86 @resourcefulPond1641 @Lilibuth12 @Tir @Michelle0608 @The_Final_Chapter @Halogen @BubblegumPuppy68 @ScarletPear1945 @CaloenasNicobarica @Hoxenos @Christine1980 @TheresaWilliams @Compassionatelistener108 @LovelyChantel @Pureriver56 @unassumingSummer6022 @Reedrainshimmer @resourcefulPond1642 @Kuma0187 @NonHoPaura @courageousNorth9872 @NacienteLuz @Waterlily16 @Helpfulsoul64 @TheHoneyDoll @Saif1for1Resilience @butters45 @purpleWest8143 @silverIceCream21 @Dandelionmoon @Bumblebee16 @consciousawakening @Shaiya365 @archerzvy @JJi @CopingwithTrauma @musicheals61 @disneynerd23 @ScarletPear1945 @Longday08 @sittinginahoneymoon @Quietbeach @loyalYard9488 @thatdramaticsoprano @understandingJackfruit9057 @amiableZebra3993 @Waterstreams057 @placidFriend3007 @AndreT @orchard9786 @sociableSailboat9634 @Calmlake1999 @emotionalMaple9419 @calmballoon3183 @disneynerd23 @MomRNFNP @Pdanziger @easymap6620 @MoreThanAConqueror18 @candyhaunt @namelessgirl99 @plumLake851 @streamoftears @quixoticRaven @Redhawk6547 @Sk1ttles @Shayc1 @Samdoc99 @Mikathewolfdog @Tacomytaco @stella17 @blinkk @PaperCrane1123 @Equalnotabove @felicia96 @CartoonDarling @Tayboi @Compassion21 @lilblackcat89 @ashes @selfdisciplinedTriangle5384 @amiableSummer3420 @FangsInsanity @Anj0806 @Spoonog @rissadawn @brokenflutterby @g00dwitch @No715 @SpruceRaven @tidyMoon3222 @helpfulHuman4992 @Djs3 @dynamicHemlock1736 @Hope3729 @hardworkingStrawberries3477 @courageousCake401 @humorousBeing8966 @NancySV1 @mysticPhoenix883 @oceanmom @gymnast9460 @Nonbinarywaffle7706 @Tbeth @felixfriend @Chels @8883ef @DaisyLion @forcefulSkies @spotthedot @courteousNorth5140 @Alcynically @ArianaMay @SB @affectionateNorth4018 @J12g34 @FloweringBunny @loyalDrum2337 @nolongerafraid @CaringBrit
Currently I do not think we have a form to get added or removed from it but you can always contact @Kate - or me even - if you would like to get removed or added to the list!
@redmark
Please add me. :)
@Ambrosia
i shall try to work out the mysteries of google forms soon
@LifeIsMyCanvas I have done some forms already, some even for taglist, so I can help out with that if it comest to that - I would be glad anyways :)
@redmark
Thank you, they confuse my brain lol
@redmark
isn't there a program that can alphabetise this list ?? how on earth does a person see if they are on it ?? 
@redmark
Hi Red, nice to meet you 
soooo, you really want to get to know all of us? hope you have some time today lol
so I guess then I should start to introduce myself, hi, I'm North... my most recent achievement is just starting to find out who I actually am, jaaa, might be a bit late to find that out in your 30s but hey, better late than never... I'm starting to feel like I belong somewhere, like I can settle down somewhere with someone, like I'm finding the peace in my life I've been longing for for so long...
goals for today, well, not much actually... should do some homework, not sure if I feel like that though 
hope you're having a nice weekend and hope to see you around....
Hey there @courteousNorth5140 *hugs* - only if you are okay with it, of course
It is really nice to meet you to and yes, I would be really happy to get to know all of you here! Of course no pressure, we have time, so we can just take things in a comfortable pace. :)
Hey, it is never too late for things like that. I am really proud of you that you are doing so actually as I know that it can be really hard to do and needs a lot of strength!
I am glad to hear that you are feeling like it helps you and I hope we will be able to keep on helping and supporting you on this journey of getting to know yourself better as we are really happy to have you here with us as well. :)
Oh, yep, homework can be a real hassle but I do believe in you and I am sure you will be able to get it done! - no pressure tho, of course :)
Thank you and have a nice weekend as well, I do looking forward seeing you and hearing more from you here as well. :)
Stay awesome!
@courteousNorth5140
Never too late! I'm in my 30's too, and still feel like I have a long way to go!
@Ambrosia @courteousNorth5140
I am almost 27 and just started to even think about figuring out my gender which is giving me quite of a trouble so I do really hope it is not late. :P
I mean, I do believe it is not tho, anyways. :)
@redmark
Nope, never too late!
I'm not questioning my gender, but I am questioning my orientation. Or, maybe I'm just asexual. I'm not too worried about it at the moment, because I have lots of other things to deal with and at this point, I don't really care if I'm single the rest of my life. Okay, I do care, but I could accept being single. I do want kids some day though.
@redmark
perfectly true, it's never too late.... and we're on the same page about the figuring out the gender identities, complicated topic.... but we'll get there
@courteousNorth5140
my philosophy is, its only to late if we dont try now. Lots of room for self understanding and forgiveness in that but still a prompt for me to act.
Good to see you today
@LifeIsMyCanvas
you are perfectly right it's never too late, as long as we are breathing there is hope.... always good to see you too
Hi!
A recent achievement is finding two ladies to rent bedrooms from me so that my new house doesn't bankrupt me. I just bought a small 3 bedroom house 2 months ago.
How am I? Tired, nervous, too much running through my brain. There's something I want to talk to my mom about (a situation where I wish I had asked more firmly for something, but wonder if it wouldn't have mattered and she would have just said no, but if we talk about it, and I find out she would have just said no, then I'll feel even more alone ... ) I have a new student coming to the house today and I don't have my teaching space set up yet. And I have to get my bedroom painted and set up within the next week, so that I can empty out the other bedroom for my new housemate. DEEP BREATH.
Hey there @Ambrosia *hugs* - only if you are okay with virtual hugs, of course
It is really awesome to have you around here! :)
Yay! I am glad to hear that you have found that two ladies and you are at a better place financially now. I mean, getting a new house is sure a big investment but I am glad to hear that at least now things seems to get better with it! :)
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that tho. I can imagine that it has to be a hard situation to be at but I think it is really important that you are trying to addressing the problem and trying to figure it out. I do hope you will be able to talk with your mother about it sometimes, hopefully soon but do not forget that you can always take your time and the way you feel is always valid! I just do really wish and hope for the best for you!
..oh....are you a teacher? That sounds interesting! What are you teaching? :)
I mean, I just hope you will be able to figure everything out and things will fall into place and also if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are always here for you so feel free to reach out to us anytime! :)
I do hope to hear more from you later on!
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
I teach Latin. Yeah, the dead language. I argue that it is not. :)
I've also taught piano and math before, I may add those to my offerings in time, too.
@Ambrosia Oh, that sounds soo cool! :)
All I know in Latin is "Mors stupebit et natura cum resurgent creatura" - and I only know this because at one point in my life I was fascinated with "Dies Irae" and I found these lines cool :P
Anyhoo...Latin sounds like an interesting language to learn, as well as piano is a really nice instrument. :)
Stay awesome!
@Ambrosia
Having a new home sounds exciting! We moved 3 months ago and we have a house inspection on tuesday so I'm feeling under pressure to get everything just right too!
If you wanted some ideas about how to get through the home things, these are the things I found helpful:
What absolutely has to get done today?
Whatever that is I work out if I can 1. Ask for help aka someone else does it or helps me do it. 2. Do it but with minimal effort aka if someone is coming over instead of cleaning the whole house I do a dirty 30 routine and then I can go crawl back in my duvet tent.
If I dont do it today can I fit it in on another day this week without getting overtired?
I have a daily routine I follow so one day I do kitchen the next bathroom so if today is kitchen day I know I can double up kitchen and bathroom day without a lot more energy so Id leave the kitchen today.
How am I going to feed us?
On bad or busy days I keep it simple or I know I wont eat. So cereal for breakie, leftovers or sandwich for lunch and dinner can either be, order in, something from the freezer, soup from a can or leftovers if I have enough for everyone.
So Im still taking care of myself/family but with minimal effort, and guilt about what I might be putting off until tomorrow or another day of the week. When it comes to tomorrow I do the same process until I am back on schedule. There is no point resting one day to kill yourself the next, be kind to yourself.This might all sound obvious but my parents didnt teach me this kind of stuff so I had to learn it on my own and put it into practice.
When you have a lot to do it's also hard when you have thoughts going around in your head about situations that are difficult or emotional for you. I found that if I journal before I start my tasks for the day my head feels calmer. May be you could write a letter to your mum? That ways you are realising your thoughts and you have something to reflect on if you decide you want to talk to her later? What do you think?
Feel free to take or leave my ideas, hope you find something that works for you
@redmark
Hi red x welcome to trauma, there are wonderful peeps here, thank you for coming to support them ❤
Hey there @Avaray *hugs* - only if you are okay with it, of course
Thank you! I am really glad to be here and I am glad to meet you as well as everyone else here!
I do hope that I will get to know you and all the wonderful people as well with time and I do hope i may be of some help and support of you! :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thanks red, i dont mind vertual hugs 😃
Xx
@redmark Thank you so much for writing the check-in for the day! Looking forward to working with you more.
Hey there @Kate *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
I am glad to be here honestly! :)
Also, I am really happy to hear that you have had liked my check-in - it means a lot to me as I can be really anxious about things like this :P - and I do really looking forward working with you around here as well! :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Dont be anxious, we are not gonna judge you.. Eyes are on you of course but dont worry
@sensitiveShade5337 Thank you! :)
I will really try my best to live up to this place and provide the best support I possibly can! :)
@redmark
I hope you make it through then cause I myself know that I
@redmark welcome red.
I'm feeling better than I have in a long time, I finally got some sleep.
Hey there @Rebekahwriter13 *hugs* - only if you are okay with it, of course
Thank you for the welcome, I am really glad to meet you! :)
I am also glad to hear that you are feeling better and that you were able to get some rest as sleep can is really important. :)
I do hope you will be able to have a relaxing and nice weekend now and that you will be able to get a good night's rest today! :)
I do look forward to hear from you again soon. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
*Hugs*
Hugs are always good.
Hi Red
Small dog is very cute :)
My most recent achievement was getting out of bed today.
My small goal is to eat proper food, I'm on my own at home and I always find it hard to cook when there isn't anyone else who needs to eat.
I'm feeling a bit lonely, but I have my bunny to keep me company so it's not so bad.
Love and hugs
Hey there @FloweringBunny *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is so awesome to see you around here!
Yay! I am really proud of you as I do know it as well that some days it truly is an achievement and you have done it today! ^-^
Oh, I remeber that you have mentioned that you will have the house for yourself and I think it is a really nice goal to have to just eat something nice and proper meal. Of course I can see that it can be hard to really get yourself to just cook for you alone but you do really deserve it! What kind of food you could make? Is there something you would like to it? :)
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely but I am glad to hear that you are having Cleo to keep you company! :) - I do hope she is doing well, by the way.
Stay awesome!
@redmark *hugs* I made an omelette, nice and easy :) Cleo is ok, she's a little confused where everyone's gone!
@FloweringBunny Oh, an omlette sounds pretty nice! Have you added something to it or you have just had it with eggs? :)
@redmark I put cheese and mushroom in it, it turned out quite nice I think :)
@FloweringBunny
Hi!
Sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely. Those feelings are super tough ... but we are here with you in the giant pillow fort land we built in this check in
@LifeIsMyCanvas I can bring teddies for everyone 
Hey Red and welcome to trauma :) feeling kinda quiet today so may not have the best answers but *waves*.
Recent achievement
Idk, playing a video game and actually getting into it. Talking to work about my migraines properly and hopefully coming to a temporary solution.
Goals
Go to sleep on time tonight. Hopefully I'll get some proper sleep.
How am I?
Feeling pretty rubbish had my 3rd migraine in 4 days and honestly feel like screaming/crying. Had a rather long and terrifying nightmare last night as well and wondering slif my sleep and migraines are linked. If that's true I am doomed because sleep and I don't get on the best.
My dad's also started having multiple panic attacks a day and I am very worried about him. He's never had them before and it's obvious they are scaring him alot. Mixed feelings though because he's been the cause of alot of my panic attacks. Part of me wants to be nasty and say it's karma. I won't though.
Sorry that ended up longer than I expected lol. Nyway hope everyone here is having an okay day :)
Hey there @Lilibuth12 *waves back* ^-^
I am really glad that I have got to meet you here and thank you very much for your welcome here! I do not think there are good or bad answers here, I am just happy that you do share here with us today. :)
Playing video games definitely sounds fun and I am happy to hear that you have been able to get into it as I know it can be hard with so many things on your mind sometimes! What have you been playing? :)
Also, I am really proud of you that you have reached out about your migraines as I can imagine it had to be scary and I do hope it will be helpful even if it will only be a temporary solution.
Sleep is just so important and I do think it is a really awesome goal to have to try to get enough sleep today and I do hope you will be able to do so :)
I am really sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with migraines as I think I have only had a migraine once and it is really, really bad and I just do hope they will give you a break soon as I can understand how exhausted they can just leave you and how hard it has to be to go through them. Also, I can imagine those nightmares has to really just add to all these issues as well and I am sorry to hear that you have had to deal with such a nightmare last night and I do really hope that you will be able to get a good night's rest today and that it will hopefully help with these migraines of yours. :)
I am sorry to hear about your father going through such tough times as well. I can imagine it has to be scary to watch him like this, especially given that he is scared because of them too. Of course, I can see that this can be quite of a confusing situation as well given that all that he has caused for you as well and I want you to know to having feelings and thoughts like that, like "it is just karma" is okay. I mean, I can see that in spite of everything you do really care about your father and I think that really tells a lot about you and how much of a caring and amazing person you are.
Do not worry about it you can share as much or as little as you want here, and I am glad you have shared this with us and written it out! I hope you will have a good rest of your day and weekend as well! :)
Stay awesome!
@Lilibuth12
Hey hun, sorry about the mirgrains and the nightmares ... I get them too and they seriously SUCK.
I'm not a doctor so can't say what it is or isnt for you but my counsellor said that mine are propably a combination of stress/tiredness from lack of sleep and dissociative migraines. Been remembering more stuff recently and I had migraines around my eye area and apparently thats where your prefrontal cortex is. For me that was like (say light bulb like Gru from Dispicable Me lol). The prefrontal cortex is the bit of the brain that sorts our trauma experiences in the present time and tries to make sense of it in the timeline of our life history and files it in the right place. Can make me very foggy and confused too and I can't drive or anything. Dunno if that is relevant to you but thought I'd share in case
@LifeIsMyCanvas
What you said is super interesting :O last year my migraines ended up triggering the release of memories then they kinda faded away. I wonder if that could have something to do with what's happening here. No way to know for sure right now but worth considering.
My migraines always make me very foggy etc. I don't drive at all because I often dissociate and that's very dangerous. I am frankly scared of driving I've ended up realising I've completed spaced out too many times, esp if there are bright lights etc.
I dont feel particularly well since I missed an important meeting this morning. I didnt sleep well and it was early. Other than that I dont feel like socializing but I have to. Havent left my room yet. Yesterday I accomplished alot but not the same today. Hope everyone elses Sat is going well.
@Chicuno
Sorry to hear that you missed an important meeeting and didn't get good sleep.
Is there something you can do to make socialising easier? I like to think of things I can say ahead of time if I need to get a break. Like I'm just going to get some air, or I go to the bathroom and play a short game on phone phone to help me refocus. I hope you can thing of something that will help you
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Thanks. Unfortunately, I dont live alone so someone usually tries talking to me once I leave this room. Id stay in here longer but the restroom is outside of my room.
Ill try dressing nicely or something to feel more confident before I go out there.
Hey there @Chicuno *hugs* - only if you are okay with it, of course
It is really awesome to have you around here, I am really glad to meet you! :)
Aww, I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well today. I mean, I can imagine it has to be hard that you have missed that meeting but I am really proud of you for all those things you have got done yesterday and if you feel like it you do deserve a day to just relax and recharge a bit now. Also, after all, you are here now, and sharing all this with us and I know that it takes effort as well and you are doing a good job! :)
Do you have any plans for this weekend or maybe just recharging a bit?
I mean, anyhow, I am really happy to get to know you a little bit and I do hope to hear from you more later on. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
I hope to do something productive like programming my website or working with other software. Especially since I have a birthday coming up and I havent done all I can do to achieve my goals.
For leisure, Id like to play videogames with a friend (its a way to socialize that works for me) but their spouse thinks its a waste of time (even on a weekend) so that probably wont happen.
What about your plans this weekend?
@Chicuno Oh, programming! I always liked palying around with programming - I even have a degree in it, but I ended up working on an other field. I mean, I just hope you will enjoy it as - for me anyways - it sounds like a lot of fun potentially! :)
I do actually have had some videogames that helped me to meet people that I would have not met otherwise and honeslty, I am really glad for that and I think it is an awesome way to relax a bit and also socialize! :)
As for goals: take your time. I can tell that you are working on them and from what I see you are making good progression and, really, birthday is just a day like any other. You know, I want you to know that I am proud of you anyways! :)
I am mostly just relaxing a bit this weekend as I have had a bit of a long and hectic week. I mean, if I want to be honest the second one was that has worn me down as I am usually do not handle well if things are hectic and not really under my control but now I can just be myself for a little bit, which is nice. :)
@redmark
Definitely take time to unwind after the hectic week.
Thats cool that you studied programming. I didnt know CompSci was a field until a few years ago. I coded basic HTML & CSS as a kid but I didnt know what I was doing was called coding.
As for birthdays, my concern is not the celebration of the day itself-but to me, it signifies that I was holding myself back further (another year & no tangible progress). I didnt take action when I shouldve since Im not where I want to be. Additionally, I could be delaying helping many others as a result of not taking action on my dreams.
Does that make sense?
@Chicuno Oh, yep, I do get it. I mean, still, what I can see is that you are taking action now and being here and I think it is really awesome. Of course, I understand that signicance of birthdays that it is signifying one more year passed in your life and I know it is never easy when you are not at the place you would have like yourself to be but I think sometimes it is important as well to just stop for a bit and just look a back a bit on the road that you have already taken and all the progression you have made and not just looking ahead on the goals you have not achieved yet - if that makes sense :)
@redmark
Hi Red! It's good to see you here.
what was your most recent achievement?
This will sound a bit silly, but I didn't yell at my boss when it felt like that was the only appropriate reaction. I responded as calmly as possible.
Goals for today?
I'm going to try going to the grocery store again. I have been trying to go once or twice a week and get a few things. I'm still not comfortable being around strangers, but so far I have been able to do this.
How are you feeling today?
Today I am very tired. I worked 20 hours yesterday. I found out today that one of the things we worked on yesterday insecurity up in a fire this morning. It means that we will have to do it again.
Lately I have been struggling very much and today is no different. I know people get tired of it. I worry sometimes about posting here that people don't/won't want me around. I know I have been told otherwise, that is just my own insecurity at play. My own fear that once again I won't belong, will be on the outside. It's why I often stay in the shadows instead of participate.
So that's enough of that. I hope you have/had a good day.
Hey there @practicalIdeal2007 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to see you around here as well! :)
Oh, wow, I do envy you that is so much self-control! I am really proud of you for keeping collected and calm like that in that situation that really needs a lot of effort and concentration. You have done a really good job! :)
I think it is a nice goal to have to take regular trips to the grocery store but I can understand that it can be really hard after everything you have been through but you are already making amazing progression and I do believe in you, you can do it! :)
No pressure tho, of course.
Oww, 20 hours? 
That sounds like an awful lot so I can imagine that you are being very tired now and it has to just make it even more frustrating that you will have to do it again but I do hope you will be able to have some time for yourself this weekend and recharge a bit before jumping back into it again.
Those fears are hard to come over and I want you to know that your feelings are always valid and important but that's why I am actually so happy and proud of you that you have decided to share with us today. I can promise you that you will be always welcome here and you can share as much or as little you want here, no matter what do you have on your mind. I know it won't magically fix your insecurities and fears tho but I hope that with time you will be getting more and more comfortable sharing around here as I would really like to get to know more about you here! :)
I do hope to hear from you again sometimes :) - no pressure of course
Stay awesome!
@practicalIdeal2007
I used to work crazy hours on a consistent basis. It can really wear you out.
What kind of self-care have you implemented to balance out your work life?
It can be difficult going to the grocery store but you can definitely do it. I hope that trip goes well for you.