Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Checkin - Sunday 16th July 2017
Good Morning, Afternoon, Evening to everyone whereever you are on the world 
For me its seriously bedtime, but before I retire for the night, I decided to get started on todays checkin for you folks
As many of you know I love quotes, especially those that are inspirational and motivating, even those with few words but which say a lot. The Dalai Lama is one of my favourites when it comes to quotes and today I share another with you all:
Love is the absence of judgement.
As Survivors we are so fond of judging ourselves, because of how we have been made to feel, often by others. We also judge others, whether we intend to or not, in our inability to be able to trust. This is not deliberate but arises out of fear. The fear of being hurt. But by our inability to trust others, assuming we will end up hurt, therefore us keeping people at arms length, are we judging people before giving them a chance? Sometimes, we may judge ourselves as unworthy of having any good people in our lives, that if we allow people close, that somehow just because of who we are, we will end up hurting the other person in some way, ruining things, contaminating them and so on
We may compare people against others we have known in our lives. Even worse, we may measure ourselves against others, eg others are more important, their needs matter, ours dont, that others are worthy of love, but not us.
Also, people are influenced by the media when it comes to relationships with others, particularly when it comes to partners, looking for the perfect ideal, for a knight in armor or the proper maiden to save. How can a relationship survive if you unconsciously compare your partner to a preconceived picture of what it is supposedly like to have the perfect partner - that doesnt exist, right? Part of love without judgement is to consciously work at improving how you value and hold a relationship. The harder part of relationship work is releasing all of these unconscious judgement traps and for survivors letting go of the fears that can keep you trapped from forming relationships with others.
If we were to see ourselves and others as unique people, with good and bad, with strengths and weaknesses and stop striving for what perhaps is not a realistic ideal, do you feel you would be any closer to knowing what love without judgement was?
We are each unique and each of us is special in our own ways!!! And I know that by even typing that for you to read, there will be the walls going up in some of you that will wish to dismiss this message instantly, because your brain, your mind has gotten used to allowing the inner critic to have a louder voice. But when we are all unique and this is celebrated and accepted, would that allow us to stop comparing ourselves to others? Would that help us in our healing?
Love isnt about a measurement nor a judgement.. Love is about who helps you grow and expand and become more. Love is about acceptance of yourself good and bad, and being proud of being who you are. No one is perfect.
Healing from trauma will be difficult when you undercut yourself and others with judgement. Your relationships with others may be strained or difficult if you hold friends and partners to impossible and unrealistic ideals.your partner to some impossible ideal. Equally there are good people who will stick with you until you can begin to believe your an okay person, people who have unconditionally accepted you for who you are!
Wouldn't it be less of a struggle to love and celebrate each others uniqueness and uniqueness is beyond compare, where judgement has no place. Would that as survivors allow us to have a better relationship with ourselves and with others?
This is your safe space to share with others whats happening for you, the good, the bad, the inbetween. Healing from Trauma is tough but its made easier when we are able to share with one another and seek support. Be kind to yourselves 
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edited by dancingRainbow45 16/07/2017 Spelling errors
@dancingRainbow45
Very late here...4 hours near.. Lol that almost rimes...
@conscientiousPineapple1782 hehe it does. How are you doing Pineapple ?
@dancingRainbow45 Amazing post!
@philosophicalShip9444 thanks Ship, thought I may attempt getting your minds to tick over some thoughts and interesting questions lol How are you doing:?
@dancingRainbow45 I appreciate your insight and viewpoints. The are very helpful and I often learn so much more after I read them. A busy week . Trying to get finances in order so I have been away from posting as often as I usually do. Hope you are doing well!
@philosophicalShip9444 Im doing good Ship thank you for asking. Yeah some of the posts, those of others too, are often very thought provoking. Its good to ponder on questions and thoughts sometimes, it can often help to see things from different perspectives and gain new insights etc. Always good to get finances sorted. Sounds like you have been busy?
@dancingRainbow45 yes as a community we all can learn so much from each other. Pretty busy . I am still trying to catch up with the discussion questions. Hopefully soon.
@philosophicalShip9444 Hey ship, you mean the forum discussions. You dont have to answer all of them if you dont wish to and you can join in at any stage, dont feel under pressure to answer them all if you dont wish too, its fine :) We have started a new discussion the other day on Trauma and self harm
@dancingRainbow45 okay I was feeling bad for falling so far behind.
@philosophicalShip9444 oh no need to feel bad honestly :) They are there for any time you wish to take part but please dont feel under pressure to do them all. You do them when you need to and when you have the time :)
Im sorry not been ok enough to say much recently. Its all been negative against myself and i agree with the post about walls going up and deflecting help from anyone.
I appreciate everyones struggles and admire the strength shown immensely on here.
Spent last evening with parents and aunt talking about stories of our life in kenya. We heard from my mum how her parents made the journey from india to east africa in dhows not knowing if they would survive or drift for weeks. My grandmother followed my grandfather in a later journey in the 30s after he had begun work but she lost a 13 year old son during the voyage. My mum born in 1950 never got to know him and i never realised this loss had happened, as well as others later. My grandmother was a strong woman there who led prayer meetings and taught widows how to sow and be independent. My grandad help build sikh temples there and though illeterate taught himself to read and put my mum through medical school. They passed away when i was young so i never knew their lives or what they underwent.
Im humbled by their life and ashamed i have lost my faith and belief that anything will get better.
I am grateful for a husband who still is here despite everything i do to push away and holds me when i wake screaming from nightmares as i did this morning. I couldnt save those kids i was babysitting in that dream from the monster either. It swallowed them whole and came for me.
i hope everyone finds a small corner of peace today.
@inventiveOrange1 An amazing story. Thank you for sharing it with us, Orange. I still believe fervently that you can and will make it through this present darkness.
Please keep sharing, reaching out, seeking the peace that you deserve.
We are here to support you no matter what. x
@melliotm Well said Mellio, thank you 
@melliotm thanks mel that means an awful lot today
@inventiveOrange1 Hey orange, good to see you No need for sorries. Sometimes its fine to not feel up to saying much. This space is to use when you need it, if you want to chat lots thats cool, but if you dont but just want to say Hi thats okay too. Im sorry if things havent been feeling good for you recently. Its hard when those walls go up isnt it? What do you feel would help to begin to bring them down?
I appreciate like you that despite the struggles you all face, you all hang in there, and like you admire other peoples strength, I and others admire your strength too. I know you may not feel that way but the fact your still here, reaching out is a huge sign of the strength you have within you.
I have always wanted to go to Kenya and its a goal of mine one day to accomplish. How did it feel listening to the stories of your parents and your grandparents journey from india to africa? I expect they have some stories to tell. I cant imagine what its like to spent weeks adrift as they did. That sounds quite an experience to have to go through. Its tragic that your grandmother lost her son as a result of the voyage. How did it feel for you hearing about the loss of her son? Its sounds an amazing thing to hear about your grandad buildig temples and teaching himself to read. Fromm the sounds of it, your family, including yourself have all faced tragidy and challenges but somehow each and every one of you has survived them.
It can be very humbling when you hear of others stories and what they have gone through but please don't feel ashamed that sometimes because of your own struggles you lose hope, or faith that things will improve. I think most people could identify with that feeling. I think its hard sometimes when things are really tough to hold onto that hope and momentarily you may lose it for a while but often you sonehow regainad from the sounds of it, that you have a good husband who is there for you, and who accepts you for who you are. Its important I think for everyone to have someone be there for them, who unconditionally accepts them for who they are.
I hope your able to find your small corner of peace and hope today
@dancingRainbow45 thank you for the heartfelt response. Having lost my other grandparents (dads parents who lived with us) a few months ago, i feel like we have lost that connection to the past and im not sure what they would think of how ive responded to this trauma. It isnt just shame.
Hubby is a rock but having had issues when we first meant i really dont want to trigger a relapse for him either, tho he isnt borderline and i hope he would never sh again. He wants to scatter their ashes and move on with closure and doesnt get why thats so hard for me.
Therapist going away for a month after tomorrow and not started the emdr but the trauma time line bringing up things i didnt realise were issues. Getting corporal punishment at our catholic primary school seemed normal not abuse but she said it was , because i got beaten for finishing work early and reading under the desk. She has said this is when i stopped taking notice of me doing well and became ashamed of it. I thought i started giving up when i was bullied for looking different with the PCOS symptoms at puberty.
I dont feel like i know myself and cant trust what i do know. Im trying to see a future and im pushing myself to be ok at work and with family. I can bathe my neice and nephew now, when my mum and their mum are on call and be of some use tho its hard to hold them and put them to sleep.
Desperate to get drunk and blot out again tonight though i know sleep wont be much better and will make the thoughts at work worse. I still have ways out stored there which i need to stop making an option.
@inventiveOrange1 Your very welcome Orange
It must feel hard and perhaps painful to feel you've lost connections because your grandparents are no longer here but am sure they would not judge you for how you have dealt with your trauma. Everyone has different resources and abilities and people who matter love you no matter want and don't put conditions onto you. I know they were brave people from the sounds of it, but so too are you.
Im glad that your hubby is someone solid and dependable for you to lean on when you need. I guess in any relationship both people are there for one another and although it sounds like your hubby has had his own issues in the past, he must be a pretty strong character to have dealt with them and support you with his. Never be afraid to talk to him either about your fears. Communication is key to a lot of things and sometimes sharing your fears may help the both of you. I hear that you feel he doesn't get why this is so hard for you. I guess even with people having gone through similar experiences eg even trauma survivors, we all feel differently, we all think differently and we all cope differently. Its like I could say to you I can appreciate your struggles being a survivor myself, but I can't and wouldn't turn around and say I get it 100% because Im not you and your not me - if that makes sense?
How do you feel about the fact your therapist is away for a month? Have you got any back up support in place whilst they are not around?.
I hope you were able to make it through the night without turning to drink, but if you did, thats okay. I know that sometimes we turn to things because we believe it will help us cope, but sometimes those coping mechanisms become self defeating and only end up hurting you. I hope you were able to get some rest.
@inventiveOrange1
Thank you so much for sharing this. Incredible history. I'm sorry you're having nightmares that are so disturbing. You're so strong Orange and I'm lad you are here. Please keep reaching out. I you too find a pocket of peace today.
@MKJart thanks Mary x
@dancingRainbow45
This post is amazing. You defined the feelings I've been having for the past 2-3 years in mere words. I've built so many walls against people. I don't trust any of them now, because I trusted them to keep me safe before, and they failed. If any person gets to close, I push them away. I dont want to hurt them. If they get to close and I loose control one night and cut to deep or starve to much or end up killing myself, then I know I will hurt them. So, by pushing them away before I get too bad, I ensure their own safety, but not mine. I've told a few different sets of adults about my childhood abuse, but none about my self harming, anorexia, depression, anxiety, CPTSD, etc. The first set of adults didn't help at all and abandoned me. That's what worsened my trust issues. It took 2 YEARS to trust an adult I had known for 6 or 7 years enough to talk with them. I finally did, just recently actually, but I'm really good at picking up signs of boredom, annoyance, etc from my abuse years (that's how I survived) and I keep getting them off of her. I can't tell whether that's just me being terrified and paranoid or its real. If Its real, I need to cut her off immediately so she doesn't get too close and knowledgeable about me. If Its not, then I think she would be really great to talk too about my other issues, but I just can't get over the signs of annoyance she gives off. Nobody has time for me and I understand and accept that, but I really hope she will make time. Sorry for the rant, just real conflicted currently. Please put suggestions on what to do and how to break down my walls, below!! I would really really really appreciate them!
@SemicolonSurvivor
@SemicolonSurvivor Thank you Semi. Its so hard when you have trusted people to help keep you safe, to protect you, for them to let you down and its understandable as a result of this you would find it hard to trust and to take the walls down. I hear you say about pushing people away, not wanting to hurt them, but perhaps doing this from a place of fear because of the reasons you gave. The problem is for some people who wish to be there, to support, to love, to care, just the very action of being helpless and powerless when someone is pushing them away can hurt in itself. We may not mean to hurt people and because we dont believe ourselves worthy, we may not even be able to understand why pushing someone away may hurt them, but sometimes people want to help and they too can end up feeling rejected and hurt, even if this is not what we intend or set out to do. You mentioned someone with whom you had been able to build a relationship with, someone that you had begun to trust but are worried they dont want to know anymore, or are bored?? what gives you this feeling, what signs are there in reality of that being the case? Could it be that perhaps that person may have personal things going on for themselves? Or do you feel deep down that perhaps the relationship has fizzled out? Perhaps it would help if you were able to share how you feel with your friend? How would it feel to sit down with her and to share how you feel?
The thing as well with looking out for other people, is your not responsible for others, your only responsible for yourself. People are adults, and as adults they have the ability to look after themselves even if we feel responsible for ensuring they are not hurt, especially by us.
Learning to trust again following traumatic experiences is very individual for everyone. There is no set approach or answer. I guess to help bring walls down that involves perhaps understanding why you put them up which it sounds as if you have a good awareness about. And I guess its about deciding to take a risk to trust others whilst learning to trust and believe in yourself. Thats something to work on when your healing from traumatic experiences, self acceptance, self love, learning to trust again, taking risks, and valuing yourself as just as worthy as anyone else. People also put walls up for many reasons but the fact you also put walls up to try and protect others perhaps is more about how you may feel about yourself than how others may perceive you? If your in therapy this is an area to work on with a good therapist who can work with you in learning how to take the walls down brick by brick
This link is on learning to trust after abuse - perhaps it may be useful to read
https://purposefullyscarred.com/2013/03/08/learning-to-trust-after-abuse/ https://www.havoca.org/survivors/trust/trust-others/
@dancingRainbow45
I understand that she has a life of her own, and that she cannot be there immediately 24/7 when I'm going through a tough time, I get that. Thats not the problem. I shoot her a text at a reasonable hour of the day, then I tame my anxiety about her no response for many many hours, sometimes up to 48 hours, saying "she must be busy" "May be she's just tired" etc. But slowly, after time passes, those thoughts change too "I'm being too needy" "I wish I wouldn't have said anything at all" and "I have to stop bothering her" etc. When I talk in real life, she sends mixed signals. She listens for a little while, but after like 20 seconds pass, her eyes float away, her feet are positioned away from me, she kinda starts to slump a little bit like I'm bothering her. I'm sorry they might seem hard to determine and point out in other people's point of view, but picking up signs like these saved my life as a kid. Its hard enough to talk about my childhood abuse, but even harder when they don't seem interested. :( I don't think I could sit her down and talk with her. I'm really wary of any confrontation. I'm used to keeping everything inside. Silencing every emotion and feeling until I'm by myself, and away from home. I hate feeling vunerable to people. Plus, I don't want her to think im, like, judging her for not responding in time or something. I really can't afford for her to be angry or upset with me 😰 like I said, quick movements, strong emotions, loud noises, any anger or emotion towards me, terrifies me. That's just how I roll. I don't think I will ever be able to break free from those chains.
@SemicolonSurvivor I hear you semi and my post was in no way said to upset you but was I guess to consider different angles on the situation. As you said no one can be there 24/7 even in times we may wish them to be. Its also hard to acknowledge sometimes we need the support of others and reaching out to someone can take a lot of courage to do, because we dont wish people to see that as being too needy and so on Perhaps for some people also they fear rejection because perhaps thats happened a lot to them already. It can be hard if you have contacted someone and then there is no response to silence the anxiety and fears that may build up and if someone is sending mixed signals that can often fuel those anxieties. As you said though as a child, those signals saved your life, perhaps your picking up on signals now that represent those you were used to as a child? I can appreciate hating feeling vulnerable and showing that to others, and after all for many people it is the vulnerability of having been a dependent child, that has often led to others exploiting that. Whilst it may feel safe to silence every emotion and to keep things inside, it can also be a very lonely place. Everyone has needs and everyone needs support or needs that someone to feel safe with.
@dancingRainbow45
Yes I would say you understand completely :). I was used to hate, anger, mixed signals, annoyance, boredom, indifference, etc etc. Thats why its so hard to feel them now, with someone I trust, and who's supposed to protect me. I've really been emboldened by your posts. Thank you so much. You have identified many feelings that I didn't know how to explain. I agree. Its very very lonely in my small circle of trust. I might just learn to expand it :D
@SemicolonSurvivor Hey Semi. Am glad that posts have been able to help you feel less alone or to make sense of your feelings etc. Trust is so hard, but every little step you take in relearning to trust again, even if its reaching out to someone on here, is a small step in the right direction. Achieving trust at a higher level than perhaps your able to do right now wont be an overnight thing. It will take time but be patient and kind with yourself because your doing good
@SemicolonSurvivor
Hey there Survivor, Great name too!
I'm glad you were able to make that kind of connection and sorry you're feeling a litte uncertainess of the relationship. I too pick up suttle signs. Unsafety felt so normal that it felt safer than the unknown. When I finally started feeling safe with someone, the safety would sometimes feel so out of wack it felt unsafe. Totally backwards. Then I'de start looking for signs to explain feeling unsafe. Unfortunately, I associated the safe person with the unsafety (bordom, annoyance, ... insert suttle sign that misfired) I was so frickin confused that I finally asked them if what I was sensing was true and told them why it felt that way. We grew closer through the asking and her telling me that she was there for me. So scary to ask though. I really hope you can calm that uncertainty and we are here for you.
@MKJart
Hey! Thanks :). Its really good to know I'm not the only "weird" person who picks up signs that most don't even know are present 😄. I struggle with confrontation, but I might be open to doing what you did, I just have a few questions if you don't mind?? How did you approach/start the conversation? Was she angry/upset that you felt that way? Did she say she was bored or annoyed that you kept talking with her?? Or did she dismiss your feelings? Sorry that might me a little pushy I'm rly sorry you don't have to answer I understand if you don't want too
This is your safe space to share with others whats happening for you, the good, the bad, the inbetween. Healing from Trauma is tough but its made easier when we are able to share with one another and seek support. Be kind to yourselves
The good, the bad, the in-between -- it all will be OK.
How am I? I had the most restful sleep that I have managed to get in several days. That in and of itself feels worthy of celebration.
Beyond that, I'm going to try my very best to let the day commence minute by minute and just...be. I am grateful to have this safe, supportive space filled with resilient, compassionate souls as a refuge to heal, regardless of how the day happens to be at any given moment. I just wanted to focus on that, because it helps to remind myself when things seem hopeless, when critical inner voices of false condemnation try to fortify or rebuild barriers or convince me to withdraw instead of reach out (or when I get stuck in a toxic cycle of self-judgement) that I'm not alone in this struggle.
Thank you.
How is everyone else doing today?
@melliotm a good sleep is great. I hope it does give you the strength to keep going today. x
@inventiveOrange1 Thanks, Orange. :)
@melliotm Hey Mellio, good to see you here
Restful Sleep!!!! Would you like to share how you managed that, I could do with some tips right now lol So pleased you manage to get some rest for yourself as when we are rested, it makes it a little easier to have to deal with everything else in our day to day lives and absolutely worthy of celebration.
This space is yours, whenever you need it and there are some wonderful people here only too willing to be there offering a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold and a fortress when needed with blankets lol Sometimes just getting by minute to minute is all you can do, and thats good enough, other days, perhaps it will be an hour at a time, then a few hours. it does get easier. Your not alone in this struggle and how about we banish the critical inner voices to a fortress of their own!!
@dancingRainbow45
(I'm finally trying again to get back on 7cups so hello again!)
The fear of contaminating other people is too real. I isolate myself all the time because of this. I don't want to bring other people down or subject them to having to be around me. It's a huge Theme in my Life. Convincing myself that other folks do want to be around me and that they don't secretly hate me/are waiting to use me is so difficult, but it's definitely worth continuing to talk myself out of.
Thanks for this prompt! It got me ~self-reflecting~ <3
@catsith Convincing myself that other folks do want to be around me and that they don't secretly hate me/are waiting to use me is so difficult, but it's definitely worth continuing to talk myself out of.
I constantly struggle with these feels as well. Some days it takes every ounce of strength to counteract them. No matter how exhausting, it is totally worth the effort, because we are worth the effort, and we are not alone. That's the bottom line. Unconditionally. And welcome back to 7cups -- hope you stick around, continue to share your journey and your resolve to embrace the truth of your value amid any entrenched false sense of unworthiness that trauma and all its residuals can dig up. This is a good space for support when the struggle feels overwhelming.
@catsith Welcoe Catsith. Good to see you here
I can appreciate the fear of contaminating other people as it was something I too once felt and whilst it can feel easy to turn to isolating yourself as a means to protect yourself as well as other people as you may perceive it, isolation tends to only make people feel worse. And perhaps those people your afraid to show yourself to or be around would feel hurt that you would feel that towards them? People that matter will want you around. They wont judge you or put you down. They will accept you good and bad. We all have our weaknesses as well as our strengths. It can be so easy when you have been hurt to keep looking for the agenda in others that you feel may be there, waiting to show itself, waiting to hurt you. Yes there are people in life with their agenda's but equally so, there are people who are just who they are, not perfect, who may even unintentionally hurt you or others, but that happens in life too. There is no absolute safety and no absolute guarantee in life that people wont hurt one another but I guess the important thing is the intent behind peoples actions or their words. As someone who has suffered traumatic experiences it can also be very hard to convince yourself your worthy of kindness, or your worthy of someone sticking around. Some survivors also try very hard to sabotage what they may have in terms of good people because they are just waiting for it to go wrong. But what if taking that risk led to it not going wrong, to you having a good safe, solid person in your life, someone who could be themselves with you, and you with them? Your not bad, you are wanted and your a unique person
I know I don't belong here but I don't know where else to go so I just keep trying to make it work until I can figure it out. I'm sorry everyone. Ok. Anyway.
Woke up with a lump in my throat and a sickness in my stomach. I'm so tired and so much is wrong it seems. I don't want to face this day. I know I w
I wish I had some help.
@themainjane What kind of help are you meaning Jane? Help with?....You know theres always people here you can reach out to and chat too if you need. I know it may not solve all your problems but sometimes just knowing one person is there can make you feel less alone
@themainjane
Is there anything I can help. I actually I thought you belonged here perfectly with us and I'd hate for you to go somewhere else
Mary
@MKJart
Thank you, Mary. And would love to talk again soon. But I've procrastinated long enough and better complete some tasks. I start out hating it but it does feel better to do it than to feel guilty over not doing it I'm finding.
Who knew it was going to take me so long to realize what the rest of the world already knew? But the truth is nothing used to make me happy at all - even getting something accomplished so I gave up for about oh, 20 years.
Cant go back. Starting again now.
@themainjane im glad you are here Jane and always grateful for your kind words to others. Be kind to you first if you can.
@inventiveOrange1
Thank you, Orange.
This isn't directed at you specifically since please don't feel pressure.
I tried to post in alcohol forum. I need some place like alanon maybe? I can't do This anymore. I lost the number to the women who gave me numbers. I never could figure out who to call. I don't have a vehicle to drive there anyway. It's in another town.
I'm still waking up sick. Work is tomorrow. I can't face another Sunday of him drinking. I wish there was somewhere to turn.
@themainjane hugs. No pressure at all. If i can help i will tho my relationship with alcohol isnt the best right now.
Al anon is a good idea for support. They do have meetings online too as well as resources that could help https://www.al-anon.alateen.org/electronic-meetings
You have nothing to lose by trying.
Wishing you strength Jane. X
@inventiveOrange1
I tried that list and they don't have a meeting until tonite. I found one of the email ones and emailed them so now have to wait to hear back. I tried a phone meeting but couldn't figure out what button to push to ask for help.
If you are a teen they have numbers you can call. If you are a spouse... you're on your own.
@inventiveOrange1 Well said Orange
@themainjane Hey Jane good to see you. Its really sad to read that you dont feel you belong here and I know others value your presence here and Ive seen how you have reached out to others also. What makes you feel you dont belong?
What feels so wrong for yout today Jane and I know on days like that it can seem easier not to get up and face the world. What do you think would begin to help you start facing today?.
@dancingRainbow45
I spoke with a kind Listener on here and that helped quite a bit.
Then because of extenuating circumstances- and maybe it was the wrong thing to do but it's done now- afterall I am grown and way too old but anyway - I asked my parents for more time before the plumbers come in because I'm still sick and quite frankly putting up with unwanted drama that makes it hard to stay sane. For me at least.
So I asked them for more time and I'm working on things. I also took the opportunity to tell them that my spouse had to either stop drinking or get out. So now they are fighting and don't want to be involved which is understandable. I'm just trying and still making stupid mistakes.
But I'm not playing anymore. It's either me or the bottle. His choice. Maybe I should've left them out of it and I guess I'll have to fix that later.
@themainjane
I don't respect grown children that rely on their parents and yet I am one. Truth is ugly.
my folks let us move into their rental when we had to leave our home due to my spouse's infidelity and the ensuing craziness and loss of job. I should've just said no I guess.
If I had we would never had stumbled into him being a business owner tho ( which he earned on his own merit because he's a machine when it comes to working. Work ethic like you wouldn't believe.. for the most part)
Anyway, maybe I should've just drifted up to Colorado but I was under some delusion that I might help my family. Which I haven't. I've hurt them. And they've hurt me. But we love each other.
@themainjane @themainjane I am glad the listener here helped you Jane. I am also with you on taking time for the plumber thing if you are not ready. Yeah the drinking habit is annoying for others and especially for a spouse it is all the more annoying. You are right on setting your boundaries towards that and making it clear to everybody.
@sujaypai
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
@themainjane
Wonderwoman. I hear so much power in your words even in this struggle. You're setting boundaries that take care of you!! Yayyyyy!! Great example for me!
@MKJart
lol Wonder Woman? Well, I have been given to more comical delusions than that even. But thank you so much!! Made me smile.
I will accept that this is progress. (-:
I just finished the first of the five week children and teen classes for summer here at my house. WOW was that fun!! Got some great photos and I'll see about sharing a couple. I had 38 children for watergun/paintgun Jackson Pollock and the 10 teens for their first of a five week sculpture series. Fun and it seems my new teachers, the kids and the teens all had a blast and they'll work well together. I feel exhausted, but fulfilled.
Beautiful sunny day here. I got a nice sunburn and will know for next week :) The teachers helped me clean out all the waterguns and I dislike that so much. Feels good to have it already done.
I feel like I need to close my eyes for a while. Finally fell asleep around 1:30am and slept solid. Great for the sleeping solid part, however, having difficulty falling asleep even when I'm totally exhausted. I try progressive relaxation and Savassana meditations that usually help. Lately it's been hard to shut of busy-brain, monkey mind from swinging from thought to thought to thought to thought and then back to the first thought again. It's crazy making. Any tips would be nice?
have a great Sunday everyone,
Mary
@MKJart Oh, what a wonderful sounding day!
Lately it's been hard to shut of busy-brain, monkey mind from swinging from thought to thought to thought to thought and then back to the first thought again.
Yeah, this has been my problem too recently -- I like the metaphor, captures things perfectly. I wish I had some advice, but I've been struggling to set aside the overactivity too. Acknowledging thoughts without getting caught up with them is a skill that I'm still developing.
@MKJart Hey Mary you have had some great fun there. Would love to see the pictures. Well offcourse it will feel exhausted having managed all the activities and these many number of kids and its not a easy task. Glad you could sleep and rest a bit.
I am glad you already practice Savvassana and progressive relaxation. But with racing thoughts always find an anchor say your breath or touch of anything so that whenever you wander you can keep coming back to the anchor. Since you have been already practicing Progressive Relaxation try Mindful Imagery and Mindful relaxation exercises. May be that would help. There is a lot of it in the members growth path as mindfulness videos.
@sujaypai Thanks, sujay -- for whatever reason I've been having difficulty anchoring my thoughts. As you say, it takes practice. Usually breath work is enough to keep me grounded and present, but perhaps trying some visualization meditations might help.
@sujaypai
Awesome, thanks, I'll look some visual meditations up. My anchor is my breathe most of the time. Ice when the breath doesn't quite do it 
I love Savassana.
@MKJart oohhh will have to read up on this, as its very new to me, and always wanting to learn things so yeah :)
I'm getting on a plane headed to Dublin in about an hour!!!! 😁😁😁😁😁
@BeeLeigh Oh wow, its happening wooohoooo!!!!!!!
Hope you have a fantastic time Bee, enjoy it and would love to hear updates on how your trip is going Have a really safe journey
@dancingRainbow45
I'll have wifi at all our hotels so I can definitely keep up with the check ins! Also, I'll actually be in the same time zone as the people who seem to post them most 😜
@BeeLeigh Even better and yes you will be my time zone lol Look forward to hearing all about your lovely and exciting trip. Take care and safe journey
@BeeLeigh
Have you landed? If so, welcome to BST ☀️
Actually, more accurate picture of a British summer would be ☔️
Anyway, I'll leave you to manage the jet lag, but looking forward to hearing more about your adventure 🇮🇪 🇬🇧 🇫🇷
@DeborahUK
We just got through customs and I'm really tired cuz it's 2:30am for us but now we're in a place where it's like 8:30am 🙃
@BeeLeigh haha yeah that will take some getting used too, sleeping and waking in a completely different time zone to the one that your used too.
@dancingRainbow45
We never adjusted to the time difference last year when we went to Germany 🙃
@BeeLeigh Well I hope your body clock adjusts easily again for you
@DeborahUK haha love the umbrella though have to say recently we have been really lucky with the weather :) Mind you I dont know about you other folk in the UK but at times its been unbearable the heat lol
@BeeLeigh
Have a balst Bee. Safe travels