Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Sunday 30th July 2017
Hey there folks. How has the Sunday been treating you? What are your plans for the day? What are the challenges? And when we talk about challenges what are some of the options you are considering to deal with it?
This is a perfect phrase to remember when you are struggling with something because you absolutely dont want to do it, and you feel like you have to do it. There is such a huge shift in ease when you shift your mind over to wanting to do it. Listen, if you have to do something you might as well get on board with it mentally because youre going to do it anyway. When you feel like you actually want to do it, it will become much easier than when you struggle to do it against your will.
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When you feel like you actually want to do it, it will become much easier than when you struggle to do it against your will.
If only it was that simple.
@melliotm Absolutely agree with you Mellio. There is nothing that can be simply achieved. It requires a lot of efforts to work towards that. The above quote doesnt say you will get to it quickly or easily. But it does say that it will make that process a little better and acceptable onto your self. Rest things will take the time they need to work out. Hope the Sunday is treating you better. 
Heading over to my mom's in a few so we can drive out to the family reunion :)
@BeeLeigh Hope the reunion went well Bee.
@sujaypai
Yep!! 😊
@sujaypai
How has the Sunday been treating you? Badly
What are your plans for the day? I have a ton of tedious tasks I'm overehelmed by (no matter how small and minutelyI break to To Do's down to), but I care about NOTHING related to being alive, so for the time being I remain on my bed, crying, and desiring to die. If I had sleep meds, I'd take enough to knock me out until morning so I wouldn't have to consciously aware of how incredibly sad and lonely I am, and and how tremendously pointless and hopeLESS my life is.
What are the challenges? Thinking too much, being overwhelmed, having my sensory system OVERloaded by the LOUD/NOISY construction project going on all weekend (sun up to sun down) 8-feet from my house, not having anywhere to go find refuge from the noise, not having anything left to try and distract myself from my suicidal thoughts and desire, not having family, friends, or anyONE to spend time with, or to have meaniful (face-to-face) conversations with, being low-income, being sick, and being stuck "existing" in a world/life I don't want to be in, and canNOT improve or change.
And when we talk about challenges what are some of the options you are considering to deal with it? It is not appropriate for me to share what option I am considering to deal with my challenge of hating myself and my life.
@caterpillargirl
Cat, 😞❤️❤️❤️
I hate being stuck in noisy environments for extended periods of time. And I have fairly frequent and consistent experience with it.
Can you walk your dogs over to your neighbors? Get away for a bit?
Do you have earplugs or earphones? They won't block it all but they will soften it some. Take a warm bath?
I hope you find some comfort and a respite.
@caterpillargirl im so sorry. I hope you know you are not alone here. Jane has some great advice for distraction from the noise. Stay safe x
@caterpillargirl Stay safe, and please, please keep reaching out. There are faces behind these screens of people who support you and care. You are not alone. X
@caterpillargirl Hey Caterpillar. Stay safe and reach out when you need. Dont feel alone and that nobody cares about you. We care about you and want to see you safe and healthy. Thankfully your bronchitis and infection is getting better. So with that out of your way possibly you can find some moments where you can focus on your to-dos including the applications that you have to process. I am sorry for the construction work along side your home. That is pretty bad and obstructive to your right of living in peace. Well i left you few PMs. Hope to talk to you soon. Take care and hugs and know tha you are being loved and you are being cared despite your status or where you live or you having aspergers. No matter what. You matter Caterpillar. Remember that.
Stuck in the car with my aunt. This happened:
Her: "I don't like that new song on the radio with the Spanish. We're in America. Speak English!"
Me: "We have no official language."
Her: "Yes we do, it's English."
Me: "Actually, we have no official language, but English and Spanish are the two most commonly used languages, and we also have over 200 Native languages."
Her: *looks at my step dad who's driving* "Turn the radio up!"
Ah, willful ignorance 🙃
@BeeLeigh Aah i can agree that was a one sided conversation ending in ignorance. Hope you felt better at the reunion.
@sujaypai
Yeahhhh.....she's not one for facts or knowledge. It's....frustrating lol. But whatever. She's only here today 🤷🏼♀️
@sujaypai
This is a perfect phrase to remember when you are struggling with something because you absolutely dont want to do it, and you feel like you have to do it. There is such a huge shift in ease when you shift your mind over to wanting to do it. Listen, if you have to do something you might as well get on board with it mentally because youre going to do it anyway. When you feel like you actually want to do it, it will become much easier than when you struggle to do it against your will.
Hard words, my friend. If I were in any other mental state they would offend me.
And Altho I'm not sure I fully agree, there are some aspects or scenarios I can see this being true.
But I don't have time to analyze because I've got to get on board with some daily chores. 😉 Now or never. These plumbers are coming eventually. Off to clean house!
@themainjane
Hi Jane. Not my personal words Jane :p I am sure the one who said this Annie Gotlier must have gone through many things in her life too. Not wrong in the entirety also and I don
@sujaypai
I never said I was cleaning the whole house. I've been cleaning it. We expected them here a week ago.
Regardless of whether these words are someone else's you chose to use them.
Acceptance is difficult. It takes time. It's a process. Will work on it.
I think maybe it's difficult for me to be told what to do. It makes me instantly bristle because I guess it reminds me of times and things I didn't have a choice in.
Times I was commanded to do something by my father or husband. Choice and desire were not considered. Just sounds like, "You will do it and like it and if you don't like it I don't give a damn."
Now that I have acknowledged that and in a sense spoken it out loud I feel a bit better.
I want to be free to do what I must do. I want to stop resenting everything. I am going to try. Acceptance.
@themainjane Totally agreed Mainjane and if you look at it it is on acceptance which is first step towards healing. It is not what others tell you to but what you tell yourself. I am glad you spoke it aloud and felt better. Hope you got some rest after cleaning too. Take care Mainjane. And stay awesome.
@sujaypai
Thank you. You too. I did not get everything out of it I wanted - this lesson - but it was a start. I stayed with an irritating and uncomfortable thought instead of running from it and I reasoned with it, fighting against my lesser emotions. Thanks again, I think. 🙂😁
@sujaypai im struggling to want to change. Living in fear of losing more than have already. Overhelmed by shopping and trying to be ok with parents and bros family. Almost lost it holding my nephew. Saved the tears for journey home. No one noticed there tho mum said my dark circles under eyes are worse. She has enough to deal with her own heart and circulation issues right now.
Part of tears were because theres a special day next week where we tie threads on our brothers and cousin bros wrists and they give us a token gift and promise to take care of us. I cant tell my twin brother how much i need him right now. And buying a thread for my neice to tie on her twin bro, i realised my own babies would never have that chance now. It broke my heart. Trying to live with this pain, even saying it, is unbearable.
@inventiveOrange1
Oh my heart goes out to you Orange.... this sounds so tough for you. Family times are great is some ways.. but they can also bring heartache. and i hear this Please be gentle with your self .and know that we are sitting here with you.
As a twin you likely have a special closeness with your twin brother, but you say you can't tell him how much you need him. I don't know how your relationship is with him now, but wonder how he would respond if he knew. I know you are strong and often when we are strong we are not good at reaching out for support. But we all need support at times. Hugs
@rozie Hey Orange. Hugs. I can see you have a particular difficult time with your family. I can also see your mom does worry about you but you do not want to bother her for her own health issues. I don
@inventiveOrange1 <3 <3 <3 <3 x
Today is just difficult to get through. I cant stop feeling like I deserved what happened and I should have done better to deal after. That I should be dealing better now too. Im sad and scared today, a very good friend is now not my friend and accepting that is taking more than I have right now. I am also struggling with the idea of being a girl ... not because I want to be a boy but just because it feels horribly dangerous to be a girl and yesterday I had to go dress shopping and so I looked like a girl and thats made me terribly afraid. Usually I can easily be mistaken for a boy...
I have dinner at a friends house tonight which I am hoping will help. She and two others that are going to be there are people that have helped a bit but I never really trust anyone so its diffucult.
@learntolive27
Hey learn. Hugs. Some difficult emotions there. However,it never was your fault ever. Though it was told to you or you told yourself, it never was your responsibility or that you caused it. I can see that it has been so scary for you that you eventually hate the idea of being a girl and pass it on as if you are a boy. I am hopeful the dinner would reduce your anxieties a bit today. Trust issues are commonly there Learn and we understand it. Take care of yourself Learn.
I want to heal from PTSD and have a full life.
My days and nights continue to be amazing. I'm relaxed and present. Enjoyed an amazing class of 16 children for paint rockets and only six of my teens showed up for the third of the sculpture classes. They did a great job. I have two other days of play planned tomorrow and Tuesday. Life is going well and that is such a huge relief after the last few months.
Thanks for the post.
@BeeLeigh @sujaypai @rozie @melliotm
Thanks for all your support, I needed a bit of "oomph" today. The test went okay. I did panic a little at the beginning but did some visualization and grounding and it seemed to have worked. The noise startled me every time and the machine made my muscles twitch, but I kept reminding myself I was safe. I have another one on wed this week, then another scope - results after all that. 😬 Crossing my fingers for answers soon, but something I can handle. I'm so worn out and worried.
@KatieMoon1
Health problems are very trying, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. But you're Wonder Woman, you got this ❤️💪🏻
@BeeLeigh
Thank you. I am in pain a lot today. I will probably be back here on Wednesday complaining about more tests - with my Wonder Woman shirt on. 😜😁
@KatieMoon1
Have some Fearlessness and a bit of Irish luck 🍀🤗
@BeeLeigh
Those are so beautiful!!! 💕 I have a necklace that means "new beginnings". It was given to me before my son was born and I was moving back him. It's lovely.
@KatieMoon1
Aw, that's awesome! The Fearlessness necklace is for the Joyful Heart Foundation, started by Mariska Hargitay, for survivors of sexual assault. I wanted it for a long time, so I treated myself when my student loans came in last fall 😉
@BeeLeigh
A wonderful sentiment, even though the journey is a tough one. I know the struggle. 💕 Keep on truckin! 💫
@KatieMoon1
It's after midnight now, so I guess it's Tuesday. I need some Fearlessness for my appointment with my therapist today, but you can have it for your appointment Wednesday. It's actually really helpful, as silly as that may seem. Just knowing it's there can be calming. :)
@BeeLeigh
Yes! We will both take a good dose. I have therapy tomorrow too. I'm a bit worried how that will go because my head is in a bad space. 😬
@KatieMoon1
I just got back from vacation, and I was kinda starting to fall apart by the end. Being stuck in a hotel room with my nosy Gramma for two weeks was driving me crazy. The last few days at home by myself have been great. Even going to work today was helpful. I'm kind of excited to see my therapist so I can tell her about my trip 😊 I have absolutely no intention of talking about anything serious, even though she will probably try to make it serious at some point lol
I feel your pain though. I hate my appointments when I'm in a bad place. You'll be okay. You've got all of us here if you need some back up ☺️
@BeeLeigh
I need back up every day this week! Meh! I know it will be serious because I'm supposed to be going to an intake for an eating disorder clinic this week which I would like to avoid. It makes me panic. I won't do it eagerly. :/ But I also know I need emotional support to make it through this week. Physically I am not well so mentally I'm pretty much not giving AF.
im actually missing work, which I am on medical leave so I can't do. I love my family but work is a good distraction. I kind of feel like dissapearing for a week. I would if we were not moving soon. Urg. Too much. Too much!
@KatieMoon1
Well I guess it's a good thing we're all in different time zones here, so someone is always around for backup! 😊❤️
@BeeLeigh
Very true!! I'm always up at crazy hours anyway. Yay insomnia.
@KatieMoon1
It's 1:19am. I have to wake up for work in ~5hrs, at the latest. It is so super fun not being able to sleep 🙃😜
@BeeLeigh Oh! I know that horrible feeling. I think that's why my veins were filled with coffee instead of blood while I was working l. 😜 I'm sure that contributed to my gut problems. I'm now only drinking tea because I feel so awfully nauseated in the morning and well I have been able to sleep until 11am. Yay for kids who entertain themselves! I hope you're able even to get a little rest. 11:30 here and I'm not ready to sleep, Netflix it is!!! 💫
@KatieMoon1
It does sound like a lot. You were brave to go and see it through.
I hope you get some rest and that your answers come back with good news. Please keep us posted and don't be afraid to reach out when it gets tough or you get worried.
@themainjane
Thank you. Your thoughts are very kind I appreciate it and really needed to hear. 💕
