Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 13th July 2017
Greetings
With acknowledgement and appreciation to A.A. Milne, here's another quote from Winnie the Pooh...
'You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."
Chosen for its relevance. And its link to connection.As was said in part of yesterday's quote:'The answer to human suffering lies both within us and between us." What does this mean for us...is our journey partly an individual one and partly in connection with others?Which comes first or do they go together? We know that wirh trauma one disconnects with parts of one self, so to reconnect.Can this be done alone, or in connection with another, like a therapist, who guides and creates a safe space for this.
Its not surprising that after trauma there is a tendency to isolate one self, to hide and so avoid the scary possibility of more hurt, the world isn't a safe place.But as Pooh says 'you can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes'. It takes courage to venture out of your corner, and isn't done easily and often there are retreats back..So much courage as many of you will know. Then if a connection with another is made, slowly and tentatively at first, until there is some trust that this person will stay alongside, allow one to set their own pace and have some control in this. To be able to say "Stop" if its going too far or too fast. This kind of connection is likely to facilitate healing and respect of one's own "knowing"
Does this make sense to you... what has your experience been? Does the individual reconnect and the connect go together.. what works for you? How do you know that a connection is a safe one? And how is your day going?
We are each in different places on our journey and we respect this. Collectively we have strengths and resources. Sometimes its simply a few words. Please share as you wish today and know that you are in a safe place here. Luv Rozie and Melody
@rozie
My concetration not that good today...too long post.
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Yes i can get a bit "wordy' when I get going. So thank you for the reminder. I hope your day gets better for you.
@rozie
It's ok.
@rozie <3
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too long a post for me to read...
today has been hard... i took some big steps. but it has left me exhausted.
that and flashbacks...
@Psalm139
Sorry to hear your day's been hard Psalm.Delighted to hear you've taken some big steps.. well done! but as you say its exhausting. Please take good care of your self now... do whatever is good for you, restores you..
I feel free today. I have zero physical symptoms of anxiety.
@BeeLeigh
That is wonderful Bee :)
I'm so glad to see you feeling better. I hope to join the ranks too in the not-so distant future. Would really love to see myself on the other side of this thing. It's been too long and I don't intend to give my whole life to dysfunction and turmoil.
Seeing you do so well is an encouraging sign that maybe freedom is actually attainable.
Have a good day! ❤
@BeeLeigh 🎉🎊🎈🤘🏾💟✨😁😎 Hooray!!!
@BeeLeigh
Awesome!!!!
@TreesandWine @themainjane @melliotm @MKJart
I am thankful for your words (and emojis!). Today has been such a break from the every day. It's been so great to not feel that weight in my chest that holds me back from so very many things. I truly hope this can last! But I have once again been given a new hope, so, even if it doesn't last, I know it can be achieved, and I will not give up. 😊
@BeeLeigh
These are beautiful words from a beautiful person Bee. And oh so true. In this rollercoaster life, there are times we'll move away from our happy place, when things seem hard, an uphill battle. But always remember that happy place, because once found you have a map back to it, and you can point yourself in the right direction,take determined steps, and find yourself back there again and again.
Venturing out of my corner of the forest...might do me some good, except I fear there may be Hottentots lurking about.
Today is...a day. Jumping at every little sound, still having trouble pulling myself out of my room. Just realized that it's Thursday and I haven't left the house since... Saturday morning? Yeah, that sounds about right. Considering what a poor night's sleep I had, it's probably not the best time to start overthinking about my lack of motivation to get out of bed.
I did escape my blanket fort long enough to eat breakfast and lunch, so that's something positive. Trying not to get down on myself, but it's hard not to feel like I'm making things worse by not simply...forcing myself to do something. Overtired and overthinking go hand in hand sigh.
Does the individual reconnect and the connect go together.. what works for you?
I have found it hard to be around people in physical spaces recently, so I mostly reach out using social media. Im still getting reacquainted with myself after a period of hyper-vigilance and depersonalization. So it's a matter of moving forward at a gradual pace so as not to overwhelm my senses.
Depression may have set root for the moment, but moments aren't forever and as I've said before I'm trying my best to be patient and show self kindness as I heal. This community has been a blessing in that regard, in that I have found a transactional outlet to interact with wonderful, inspiring people who can relate to this journey, without judgement or me having to explain the why's and the what's in a way that is retraumatizing. I have space to safely recover and heal, to grow, to find and share compassion and solidarity.
For that I am truly, truly grateful.
I know that eventually I will be back to exploring the forest without reflexive fear. Until then, I'm going to try and experience every moment without judgement, including the difficult feels. Which, I tell myself for the umpteenth time, is OK.
Besides, my daughter has a soccer match on Saturday morning, so I know that I'm guaranteed to be getting out in a couple days. Just need to find more carrots to draw me from my sanctuary. Gradually, bit by bit -- it is getting better.
@melliotm
Agree its moving at a gradual pace.. your pace. It takes courage to even begin and the Forest is unknown and can be scary. (who knows where the Hottentots are) But with self kindness and others alongside, as we are here its not quite so daunting.
And you have the soccer match to go to!
@melliotm
You were forced to experience something that has triggered PTSD. You deserve to be kind to yourself anf not force yourself into anything else that doesn't serve you in the here and now. Care for youself amigo, you're worth it!!!
@MKJart <3 Thanks, Mary.
@rozie @rozie Great post Rozie and Melody :) I can so identify with this as one who used to withdrawn and isolate myself and your so right, sometimes its about us stepping outside our bubble, outside the cocoon we feel we have built ourselves, outside our comfort zone to reach out to others. Whilst others can be there for us, sometimes it needs us to reach out to them. Afterall no one is a mind reader either. I think part of reaching out to others is about trying to trust others, to connect but also I think its about us recognising we have needs just like everyone else and not denying this to ourselves Everyone has needs but I think for a lot of trauma survivors recognising and accepting this can be really difficult at times for them. Any relationship is two way, its give and take on both sides and in relationships where someone may be doing all the giving and someone just the taking, that sometimes can lead to people resenting that kind of relationship. I think learning to reconnect again with others, taking a risk and realising not everyone is out to hurt you is an important step to take in healing. Fantastic post 
@dancingRainbow45
Thank you Raine. Those words.. I think learning to reconnect again with others, taking a risk and realising not everyone is out to hurt you is an important step to take in healing... resonate with me. Its coming out of your coner of the Forest.... and going to them. It may be scary,but its a step in the right direction.
We finally got internet back after over a week down. It's isolating when you're used to contacting people through online sources.
Tomorrow is my 11 year anniversary of a major accident that broke both wrists, my back, hip, femur knee and foot. It sounds like a weird anniversary to celebrate, but I do because not only did I live through it, my life is amazing and I'm walking even though they said I wouldn't. Allows me to throw some extra gratitude out there.
Extra fun news is all the waterguns for the Jackson Pollock painting series are here! Fun!! It looks like about 30-50 kids are coming and I'm totally stoked. Whoo Hooo! Watergun, rocket and balloon pop painting!!!
Unfortuntely the pain is high due to rainy weather and I had to cancel my therapy appointment due to no internet. I have to wait a week.
It's good to be back, it's going to take me a while to catch up,
Mary
@MKJart Yay you're back! How have you been? Hope the kids enjoy getting their Jackson Pollock on -- what a genuinely joyful sounding activity hehe. Sorry to hear that you had to cancel a therapy session due to your internet being down for so long. Let me say that we are all grateful that you are around to celebrate what might seem at first glance to be a dubious anniversary to commemorate.
@melliotm
Thanks Mellio,
It's been a rough week. When my pain is high I feel more emotional upheaval too, spending more time in bed with no internet or Netflix ugh- it really messed up the whole blanket fort thing. Read some great books though. I'll try to get some pics from the back so that their faces aren't visible to share here.
How are you my friend?
@MKJart Poor sleeps, bad dreams and anxiousness alternating with depression has pretty much been my week. Having trouble with motivation -- spent most of my time in bed, feeling too scared to leave my room. Last night was better though. As you said above, I gotta be kind to myself -- it's ok to huddle in the blanket fort if you have to. It's all part of the journey. :)
@melliotm @treesandwine
I'm grabbing the chocolate from Trees as I dive in there with you. Started out a good day for me, now i feel like hunkering down. Lots of firecrackers. Hopefully now that the rain is here they'll stop for a bit. Yep, fort days are all part of the journey. Doesn't mean they don't suck. Hold on there.
@MKJart <3
@MKJart
Welcome back Mary! we missed you and I know how it is to be without an internet connection.Joining you in gratitude on your 11th anniversary.
Have fun with the kids!
@rozie
Thank you!!
@rozie
what has your experience been? My experience has been bad. They usually say they care but then when you text them after or during a really bad flashback they expect you to brush it off. Like, I just want someone who will listen to every detail from my flashback. It kills me. Its eating me from my inside -out. I need to share the burden with someone. Does the individual reconnect and the connect go together.. what works for you? No. Usually once you tell them they get all "I'll be here forever" and "text me anytime" and then once the "excitement" wears off they get bored and leave.How do you know that a connection is a safe one? Never know. Don't trust anyone. Been hurt to much for that. They say they'll protect me They will be here forever and when I need them most they don't care And how is your day going? Honestly it's been a whirlwind between wanting to die, wanting to cut and feeling God. I don't even know how to answer that
@SemicolonSurvivor
This may or may not work for you but I am liking the "My Diary" thread. I can have my own thread there and voice my thoughts. If someone wants to stop by and comment they can but I feel like I'm not intruding quite as much. It might work for you to see who might come your way and relate. Just a thought.
@themainjane An glad you are finding the my diary thread beneficial for you. It was something I had thought about for a while as to whether it would be helpful to members and after speaking with Deborah about a few ideas for the forums she was all up for trying out the diary thread which she got up and running for you guys and so glad she did for its turned out to be a thread I think many of you are liking and participating in so well done to @DeborahUK for getting behind the idea and supporting you guys with this new forum thread and well done to all of you taking part in it
@dancingRainbow45
@DeborahUk Thank you. 🙂
@themainjane
Hey, I echo what @dancingRainbow45 says. Threads are made when others contribute and go with the idea. I love the way you write Jane, maybe not always the content because I don't like to hear of anyone being in distress. But I admire your honesty and your approach to it. The way you question your behaviour and decisions at times. Though I'd love it if you were less down on yourself, but I'll keep giving you a nudge about that 😉
@SemicolonSurvivor
I think there are those who can support you and those who are not able to... and I'm sorry you have had the experience with people not staying there for you and leaving. It can be hard to listen to flashbacks and not everyone can deal with this. But as you say you need someone to listen and to share the burden. We all do and its part of healing to tell our story. I wonder if therapy with a therapist who is experienced in working with trauma would give you a safe place to share. We are here in support too.
My heart goes out to you as you talk about your day, and understand that its a real struggle at times.Holding on to the hope for you that there will be a connecton with another that gives you what you need. x
@rozie
I'm trying to find an online therapist, like one on 7Cups but they are wayyy too expensive so I do not believe therapy is an option. I'm praying that a therapist maybe would be willing to help me for free or reduced but i know that's a stupid hope bc they need money to live😕😕 I appreciate the suggestions a lot thank you both very much
@SemicolonSurvivor
I'm not sure where you live, so this might not be true for your area, however, most communities have mental health services that are either free or reduced fee based on ability to pay. Additionally schools usually do and some work environments offer short term couseling. The cost of therapy can be very difficult to cover. I see below that you found the diary thread too. That's your space to share and get it out. Put trigger warning at the top and those that are able to can support you, those that can't can prevent themselves from being triggered by passing it by. Please take care of yourself. We're here and I hope you can find the support you need.
@MKJart
Thank you for the suggestions! I will definitely check out the counseling opportunities near my home. Please know I'm trying to keep myself safe, it's just very challenging at times. I appreciate your responses and suggestions They mean the world to me. <3 :)
@SemicolonSurvivor
Some counselors will work on a sliding scale. Another option: if you live near a university you may can receive very affordable counseling. It's supervised by those already certified and some record your sessions (audio and/or video) which isn't ideal I know but it can sometimes work. Just see what affordable options are available before you decide that none exist for you.
And forums and such on 7 cups can be very beneficial for the day-to-day getting by.
@themainjane
Liking all the practical suggestions you're making......there are a variety of paths to take on this journey and sometimes it can be just about knowing what is available and accessible. Thank you.