Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 20th July 2017
Good morning to you all!
Well clearly I can't resist that loveable bear and his wise words:
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them." A.A.Milne
Reflecting on how easy it is to misunderstand and to be misunderstood... to see the weeds and not the flowers. Especailly when you have PTSD. Not only do we struggle with the symptoms our selves, but others around us are affected too. And out of the misunderstanding on one or both sides can come the desire or need to isolate.. And the outcome can be a cycle of isolation ( some will relate to this) kept in place by the symptoms themselves, our coping with these, and the response from others.
Reality is that hyper arousal is physically and emotionally exhausting,flashbacks and nightmares draining, and containing it all energy sapping and depressing.Not much energy left... a roomful of people daunting... a short fuse... isolation appeals. Wondering if explanation will lead to understanding.Letting others know that our patience and energy levels are low, places and people may trigger, we may be distracted and not able to interact at times. But we'd love to see a movie with them.
What are your reflections on this? What has helped you to become less isolated? How does someone asking how they can support you affect you? How is your day going? or just say hi! We care and share in our community, its a safe place , where we see the flowers!. Luv rozie
@rozie
Thank you rozie for dedicating a check-in discussion to isolation.
In my personal experience of isolation - which I'm basically an expert at - to the point that some people don't even know my spouse is married or that I exist and if they do they know me as a recluse - I can say that no amount of encouraging or attempts at influencing me to engage with others will normally work. In fact, it makes me feel worse because then I have the added pressure of either letting a person or group of person down by refusing an invitation or the added pressure of trying to muster up enough wherewithal or whatever to attend.
Aside from a few spontaneous visits to known places like occasionally my job or even more rare - my parents house, any outing must usually be met with psychological psyching up from anywhere from a few days to a month or so in advance.
I do a little better when I'm in larger groups of anonymous strangers. Best is no one around or maybe just one or two people if It's people I know.
I simply hate being seen in person. By anyone even family. It makes me hate myself and count all my flaws.
But I realize I'm an extreme case in this regard, I think.
Interestingly enough, I don't view myself as a weed. (-:
@themainjane
calling myself out here: I totally just saw the weeds didn't I? Like who was calling me a weed?! The brain, oy.
My bad. Definitely time for sleep. Look forward to hearing other's point of view on this topic of isolation (and weeds).
@themainjane
Yes isolation comes with the territory... and thank you for describing its effects in your life. We get locked into it in a way... because either way out as you say doesn't seem to work very well. Guess we do what we can and find our comfort level for now.. maybe just one or two people... and in time it may change little by little. Do you find letting others know, or can you let others know the effects of PTSD on you, so that there is a little more understanding.
We see the flowers!
@rozie 💟
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@rozie
Hi. Not lately much to say 
!
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Hi Glad you popped in to say hi!
@rozie
I guess I just force myself to go see people? Ahahahha, like making sure I do simple things like check in with friends on facebook, and acually reply to them xD keeping up that kind of contact ends up normally with something social happening ahahha. I find places with lots of people totally overwhealming unless I have had a few drinks, so I normally make sure I am going to the pub or something or it is a 2 person outing.
Oh and never over commit, its horrible to flake out on people all the time, I am known for it lol.
Finally if I am going out by myself I always arm myself with my headphones so I can dull down the noise of everyone else :P don't need music, just need to take the edge off everyone speaking and walking, and being stressful ahahah.
@Lilibuth12
Think you are wise to know what you can and can't do. Still keeping up some social contact but not getting into over whelming situations.Ah yes and not getting over commited.. my downfall too.. lol. So then its about setting limirts for your self..and being able say "no" at times. Still learning this one. Thank you for sharing this with us.. its very helpful
Good morning everyone,
I had therapy yesterday and went straight to bed afterwards I was so tired. I slept all night though.
Today is starting out well.
Hope all of you have a great day.
@rozie This topic is one that is very relevant to where I am at in my journey ATM. Am focusing today on trying to be kind and compassionate to the parts of me that need it most. Listening, without judgement or criticism. It truly is an exhausting cycle. But there is progress in this process, even if I am in a place where simply leaving the house is an ordeal.
@melliotm
I love that compassion. Big improvement since a few weeks ago huh?
Hey guys I just don't have the energy to reflect on questions today, as I am not ok. I need support and I don't know where to find it. I try to get listeners to support me but they're so distant and passive. I've talked to friends, and I've gotten little to no texts back or replies. I'm starting to believe that no one in this world cares about me. Some people say they do but how can I believe them when my own mother pulled my hair because she thinks I'm making up my mental illness? I just need to know that I am loved. If you guys could reply with encouraging words and loving things, that would be amazing... Maybe some self-care advice? I just really need a bit of extra attention today. I've cried for the last 13 hours and I just feel absolutely worthless..
@Behindhazeleyes
Hazel 😞 - can I call you Hazel? I'm so so sorry it feels so cruddy right now. ❤️
I can hear your pain and I am sorry. You are loved and wanted here. I'm sorry your mom pulled your hair. What happened? How did this all start?
I hope you are feeling a bit calmer since it's been awhile since you wrote. But please write and let us know.
Hang in there, dear. I know how difficult mother-daughter relationships can be and that reaction from her sounds over the top. You do not deserve to have your hair pulled.
@themainjane She basically thinks I'm making up my mental illness and that I'm doing it for attention. She and my brother have been nothing but mean to me. I don't feel as if they love me. And my dad created my trauma in the first place and gave me this condition, so I've blocked him from my life forever. I have no one in my immediate family to lean on and that's why I need you guys so much.
My cousin offered to pay for my therapy and told me she loves me. I'm just really glad to have her. I'm a little calmer now, but I feel very numb and sad and I haven't done anything all day which makes me feel even worse about myself. I just wish I could start over.
@Behindhazeleyes
I understand doing nothing and wishing you could start over.
Thank God for your cousin. I hope you take her up on her offer to get counseling.
@Behindhazeleyes
And you DEFINITELY mean something. <3
@Behindhazeleyes
Hi, I'm so sorry you're feeling hopeless at the moment. I'm glad you are here and we care about you. Great job reaching for support.
https://theselfcompassionproject.com/2013/06/03/80-self-care-ideas/
Here you can find so many ideas for self care. I think you'll have to copy and paste the link, but The Self Care Compassion Project is a great website.
@MKJart Thank you so very much for this amazing resource <3 And thank you for being here. I never thought anyone would care enough to reply to my post but you guys have given me some hope.
@Behindhazeleyes Hi Hazel,
I'm so sorry to hear about your current situation. Living with C-PTSD is hard enough as it is without having to feel that your journey has been directly invalidated by those whom you most need to feel loved, validated and approved by.
I've posted this link elsewhere, but I personally find these reparenting affirmations helpful for self soothing:
https://conquerptsd.blogspot.ca/2015/12/affirmations-for-complex-ptsd.html?m=1
And this brief podcast by Sarah Blondin is good soul food too when my spirit is feeling undernourished:
https://soundcloud.com/liveawakepodcast/podcast-i-know-sometimes
Please don't hesitate to reach out for support (or to vent, or just seek a friendly voice to remind you that you aren't alone in this struggle, and that your struggle is real and it sucks) within the community. That's what we are here for. ⛺
@melliotm Thank you so much. You've made me feel like I have a voice in this community and have affirmed that I actually mean something to someone.
@Behindhazeleyes
Hey, we're glad you're here wih us. And that you've asked for support when you need it. Sometimes we can feel let down by those who we hoped would give us what we need. And sadly our families often can't or don't do this. But there's a crew here who know how hard it is, will walk with you through the dark places, and celebrate with you when its good.,... who love you for who you are.
Maybe doing something relaxing, llike listening to music, or whatever is soothing for you. If you want a listening ear just PM me. Know that you are not alone..
@rozie Thank you so much. I'll definitely keep that in mind and PM you if needed. For anyone else who has reached out and encouraged me, I want you guys to know that my mom apologized and we are beginning to work this out. So that's a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, right? Another good thing that happened is that my brother doesn't have heart issues. He had to see a cardiologist because there was a whooshing sound in his heart, but it turns out he's so fit that you can hear extra noise in this organ. I will definitely do some selfcare for the rest of the day, as I have actually been sitting in front of my laptop doing nothing because I've been so exhausted and sad. I really appreciate all the love and support I've received.
@Behindhazeleyes
Thank you for letting us know this. Take care x
@Behindhazeleyes
Am glad your brother is okay - sounds very fit indeed!
I hope the lines of communication open up between you and your mother. I think counseling will also be helpful for that.
I'm having a really rough evening. I can't shake this feeling of being unsafe and uncomfortable with my skin.
@amicableNorth4690
I'm having a really rough evening. I can't shake this feeling of being unsafe and uncomfortable with my skin.
I'm so sorry. *hug*
I definitely understand being uncomfortable with one's own skin. Could you explain what you mean by unsafe?
If that's too personal I understand. Just know that we are here. I'm wishing you comfort - at least peace - and safety right now.
@amicableNorth4690
I'm praying for you. You're not alone!