Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Thursday 29th June 2017
Good morning!
its a forest theme from A.A.Milne today...as we join Winnie the Pooh, Piglet and Rabbit on a walk.
"Lucky we know the Forest so well, or we might get lost" said Rabbit half an hour later, and he gave the careless laugh which you give when you know the Forest so well that you can't get lost.
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind."Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes Piglet?"
"Nothing" said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."
Reflectiing that when we're feeling a bit lost, like Piglet,we just need to be reassured... to know someone is there, .. maybe a hug... a few words. The Forest can be dark and scary and we're not sure that Rabbit knows the way.. but hand in hand with Pooh its going to be okay.Love seeing this going on in our community!
How's it going for you today? what do you need? have you something to share that we can celebrate with you?
@rozie
@rozie taglist
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@themainjane @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @singercrystalspirit @Amandisa16 @Kassidywillsupportyou @aestheticutey @firebolt110 @RumpleSteeleSkin @rozie @Melody293
@rozie 😁😸💟
Hi @rozie,
This forest feels especially dark and scary ATM. Need to decamp with blanket fort for the duration. Oh, bother.⛺
(Also, I'm going to have 'A Forest' by The Cure stuck in my head all day now. Not complaining -- I love The Cure. 😁)
I mean *encamp*, not decamp. D'oh. ⛺
@melliotm
I grew up with the Cure in junior high. They're still kicking it. Enjoy the fort. Good energy to you.
@MKJart Thanks Mary -- my fav band in HS. 😊
It's a dreary, wet blah day outside today and I'm not moving. Loading up my Solitaire app is about all I have energy for.
@melliotm
Sounds fun. Turn up some of the HS and kick it.
@melliotm
Sounds like a good idea on a miserable day.. do what you need to do for you...encamped in the fort is a good place to be at times.
I feel weird. Sick. Off. Unsettled. Anxious. Idk, something like that. I'm bad with knowing what emotion I'm feeling. I don't think I even actually realized the truth behind something before I said (typed) it. I think I may have known but I just hadn't realized it cuz I never really thought about it. But now I have...and I don't like it. I hate that it's true. I don't want it to be true. 😣
@BeeLeigh
Sorry you're feeling off. Emotions are tricky. You have to feel the icky stuff to be able to revel in the good. I wish I could make it easier for you.
Let us know if we can do anything for you.
@MKJart
I wrote something out last night...and it's almost like I realized it after I wrote it. Like, I guess I knew anyway, but it kinda sunk in after I wrote it. The last person that touched me is the last person that raped me. And in 11 days it will have been two years.
@BeeLeigh
Ouch! I hate anniversaries of my assault. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions amd unexpected triggers for me. Is there anything I can do for you? My heart is with you and please know how courageous, brave and powerful you are to have survived such a powerless situation. You are safe now, even though it doesn't feel like it at times.
@MKJart
It happened so so sooooo many times. 14 different guys. Some of them only once...but some of them...well I honestly couldn't tell you how many times. But the last one. That one gets me. He's a registered sex offender. He got sentenced to ten years and only served a few months. Not for what he did to me, but what he did to the person before me. He's the husband of the only friend I had at the time. She's not my friend anymore, but they're still married. I'm pretty sure he drugged me, based on what I know I had to drink that night. Because what little I had I tested again to see how much of that specific drink it would take to make me as out of it as I got that night...and it didn't seem to matter how much of it I drank, it didn't do hardly anything. She covered everything up. I remember crying while telling her "He raped me"...and when I woke up the next morning with bruises everywhere and even a black eye, and she'd been deleted from my phone along with our entire text history...I knew she'd done that. She texted me later that day to say how there had been so many people drinking she was just glad no one got hurt. That was it. Nothing else after that. She knows what he did to me, and the girl before me, and she's still married to him letting him be the step dad to her daughter. Maybe the rest of mine couldn't have been prevented, but he was out on probation. That one didn't have to happen.
@BeeLeigh
Oh Bee I'm so sorry to hear what you went through. As you say it shouldn't have happened... and that makes it harder when you know this. My heart goes out to you .. and especially at this tiime. Remember you are a survivor, and you are not alone... we are here with you. 
@BeeLeigh
You are truly a courageous survivor Bee. You are not alone. We are here with you. I have to say I feel infuriated at what happened to you and the reaction/stance his wife is taking. You deserve so much more! You are so stong. I'm glad you're here and please let us know if we can assist in some way.
@MKJart @rozie
You guys are so sweet ❤️
I bought a dress even despite the fact that I'm very self-conscious about my body.I haven't worn a dress for 8 years now.This is a huge accomplishment for me and it shows that I'm ready to face and overcome my fears.I also went to the post office after the book called "The Courage to Heal Workbook".Feeling very gutted that, because of all the accumulated emotions and burnout, I've to take a time off from my work for unknown amount of time but my health comes first so I'm very proud that I'm finally able to take care of myself and be compassionate towards myself enough to do so even if it's very had and challenging thing to do.
@Morfo66 "I'm very proud that I'm finally able to take care of myself and be compassionate towards myself enough to do so even if it's very had and challenging thing to do."
You should be proud of yourself for displaying such courage. We are all here to support you in your journey. :)
@melliotm
thanks!
@Morfo66
Hi Morfo,
I'm doing this workbook too. I'm find it's helpful, but it can feel really overwhelming at times. I really had to set boundaries with myself so that I wouldn't get obsessed with "working" it as fast as I can, thinking that would bring me piece. Instead it just thrust me into some things that I now know need to be approached slowly. I'm here and that wishing it wasn't true, I so relate. It sucks. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and I'm here, we're here if you need anything.
Mary
@MKJart
I spent some good time thinking before I even bought this workbook, wasn't sure if I'm ready to go there yet.Decided to give it a try and explore.Will fill in only when I know I'm really capable and mentally prepared to do so.I do admire your strength and bravery as well!Healing and coming to terms with trauma and the aftermath of it all takes time and, based on my own personal experiences, it's better to go slower than faster in general.Stay strong and thanks for coming forward!:)
@Morfo66
With pleasure and I'm here if you need anything.
@Morfo66
Lovely to hear that youwent out and bought the dress... a tangible marker on your jourmey. Well done!
@Morfo66
Way to go!
@rozie
Good morning,
I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I had a hard time going to sleep, but blissfully slept through the night.
Feeling ready for the day to begin.
Mary
@MKJart 💟Good energy to you today, Mary. Glad to hear that sleep was blissful when it came.
@melliotm
Now I'm feeling like a blanket fort sort of day. It's pouring rain outside and my appointment with some teachers got cancelled, so I'm under the blankets. I think I have some chocolate somewhere.
@rozie
Thank you for posting today
This is very good. For me today....hmmmm Id like for people to take their time after they ask me "Hi Rumple how are you doing?" you know- other than expecting for me to say fine or good. Id like patience from others as well. For me Id like to spend some time connecting and doing something nice for me
@RumpleSteeleSkin
"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo."
Same goes for Elephants, one would presume. I hope you have an amazing day and find something wonderful and special to do for yourself, my dear pachyderm. 💟
@melliotm love this quote Mellio .. good to have you joining in the Pooh stories with me! Lots of wisdom and joy in childrens' books.
@rozie They've been a lifelong favourite of mine. Deceptively simple yet extremely profound.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
All the time you need Rumple. No matter how you're feeling or doing today, you're so important here and I love hearing from you in all your authenticity.
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Yes glad that you can say that here Rumple and know that we will accept however your answer is and have patience. Hoping you get what you need today!
I love this :) I had a huge breakthrough today. I was able to be intimate with someone new (is that too many details to share here?) - and... in a mindful way. Really paying attention to the experience, and to whether I wanted to be in it, and doing my best to honor that moment to moment.
Today (Friday) is awful. I hate my bloody damage. I hate jumping at the slightest creak of a floorboard or the sound of footfall. My roommate just said I was creeping her out because I'm extra jumpy at the moment and it seems like every time she leaves her room I'm opening my door (half the time I'm just trying to muster up the nerve to leave my room for water or food or a trip to the bathroom). Now not only do I have to worry about feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I have to worry about how my attempts to keep myself from freaking out are impacting others. So hey way to make me feel even more self conscious and inadequate. I have no safe space and now I feel like my own ****ing house is a prison. And that I'm not allowed to move about as I please.
@melliotm
Oh what a beggar that Friday is so awful... I feel for you Mellio. . Days like this just happen. You are in survival mode,and your nervous system is wired for this,,as an out come of what you have been through. Can you be compassionate with your self.. like you are for others. Think about what you would say to someone else.. what would you suggest .. what would be soothing, calming..some music, some relxaxtion. Maybe let your roomate know its just a bad day.
As Pooh said to Piglet."I don't feel very much like Pooh today." "There, there" said Piglet "I'll just keep giving you honey until you do."
@rozie Thanks, rozie. Has improved somewhat, although the result of explaining to my roommate that I've been struggling today and the last week or so was for her to question whether I'm taking my meds and to advise that I "proactively" call my psychiatrist prior to my scheduled appointment ten days from now (to, what, say, "hey, my roommate who has zero clinical background thinks that my dose isn't working"?) Anyway, even though I was disappointed by her lack of empathy and self serving attempts to "help," I'm focusing on doing what is best for me and to not take ownership of her issues nor internalize her lack of empathy (of course, having said that, I still apologized, because the fourth F after fight flight and freeze is of course 'fawn' -- must appease to survive when cornered 😢)
